MamaKBear's World

Oh Yeah!! I Have a Blog!! :)

2007-07-25T11:00:00.001-07:00

I'm soooo sorry I haven't posted in a long time! Life's been crazy the lately, as we look for a house to move too very soon.

Our apartments are raising their rent AGAIN...they just raised it six months ago when we signed another lease. We are not signing another one, so we're looking for a house with at least 3 bedrooms and a fenced backyard for the girls to play. What they are raising rent to, we feel is just not worth it for this place. They don't do repairs like they should...there's really nowhere for the girls to play outside...and on top of all that, with the last "newsletter" we were informed that we are not allowed to grill!! How unAmerican is that?!? It's so much crap.

I hate moving...especially in the summertime! The house hunting is really starting to get me down too. So far every house we've tried for, someone else gets. :( It would help, I'm sure, if we had the rent and deposit they were asking on the day we apply, but realistically that's not happening. Gas and groceries are killing us, and until we've for sure found a place to move to, the apartment sucks up money that we could use for moving. :( UGH!

ANYWAY...other than that, we're all doing just fine. The girls are good...had to take them in for shots a week or so ago, yeah, that was fun. I chopped off Destiny's long hair, and now it's chin-length. She loves it, and it looks really cute!

Meghan graduated to Pull-ups instead of diapers yesterday, so we've begun the potty-training thing. Can you believe it's that time already??? I can't! I'm a little sad, because it means she's not a baby anymore. :( She is so full of attitude lately, saying "No" to just about anything we are telling her to do, and bedtime has become a battle. She is constantly getting out of her crib and throwing a big hissy fit. She's also to that stage where she wants to do everything all by herself. That's great, until you're in a big hurry to go somewhere and she's taking 20 minutes just to put on a shirt! LOL

Life Goes On

2007-05-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

Things are more or less back to normal around our house since back to back funerals. I'm sorry for the little break in blogging...I just didn't have much to say for a bit that wasn't depressing. I'm okay. I miss my Granddad very much, but I know he's in a better place, and he's not hurting anymore. MrKB is okay too...though I think it's been much harder on him, losing his Dad. He went back to work to help keep himself busy...he still has moments where I know he wants to shed more tears, but being a guy, he doesn't like to cry much. It's going to be hard on him for awhile, but I'll be there for him when he needs me.

SO...how's the weather been for y'all lately? Oklahoma has been seeing a lot of rain, and even some flooding in places. We've had a couple of awesome thunderstorms, which I love, and we've had a few tornadoes this past week...a couple of which were not too far from where I'm at, but we're all just fine at our house. This is the kind of weather that we normally seem to get in April, but I think our seasons are all running behind a bit. The rain was needed, but I think we're set for awhile now! LOL The sky right now is gray and overcast...might have more rain sometime today or tonight.

Before all this rain, we had a really beautiful sunny weekend...temps in the upper 70s and lower 80s, so we took the girls out to the park. :) I took the camera along and got a few good pictures, and a couple of short videos, and I'm gonna share them with you now. The girls are both getting so big! Especially Meghan! Hope you enjoy...

Look at This! :)

2007-04-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been nominated for an award! I'm so honored, and flattered that anyone likes reading this stuff enough to nominate me. :) Seriously, this makes my day! Please go vote for me!

*edited to add* WOW! Vote here too! :)

This has been such a rough month...

2007-04-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

Remember when I first posted about the adoption finalization, when I said I had bad news too but that I'd get to that later?

Well, my bad news was that my Granddad had passed away the Monday before the finalization. The funeral was just the day before we went to court for the biggest day of our lives. I've been quietly dealing with my sadness on my own for the most part...of course with hubby's support.

Today it's going to be my turn to be HIS support.

Just about half an hour ago I got a call from my sister-in-law. Then I had to call him on his work phone and tell him that he needed to come home. He made me tell him why...I just had to tell my husband that his Dad had died!!!

Dammit...Other than the adoption and Meghan's birthday, this month is SO totally sucking!

I'm going to go try not to have a nervous breakdown now...

Help Me Win $1000!!! Sticky Post

2007-04-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

*SCROLL DOWN FOR CURRENT POSTS!*

I entered a "Cutest Kid" photo contest at Shutterfly. The Grand Prize is $1000, and goodness knows I could use it! I need y'all to help me out and please stop by real quick and give my picture a vote! Pretty please?? You can go cast your vote HERE. I really, really appreciate it! :) This should give me something to focus on while I get through the next week!

This is the picture:

Happy Birthday Meghan!!!

2007-04-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

Dear sweet Meghan,

My baby girl...you are 2 years old today! I can't believe it, it just doesn't seem possible you are already 2! You were just 3 weeks old when Daddy and I brought you home from the hospital, and so tiny! Seems like just yesterday, yet so long ago.

We've been on quite a journey together the last 2 years, as Daddy and I worked hard to adopt you and big sister Destiny and give you both a forever home. Our dream finally came true just a week ago today when your adoption was finalized. You've been "mine" in my heart from the first moment I held you in my arms...now you are truly MINE forever, and I love you SO much!

You've changed so much since your last birthday. You have teeth now! Your first ones didn't come in until you were 11 months old, and you have almost all of them now. Unfortunately, you tend to bite your sister now and then...we're working hard to teach you that it hurts her when you do that, and I'm glad it's not an all the time thing. Destiny uses that against you too...one day she actually bit HERSELF and tried to come tell us that you did it! We knew better, though, because you don't have all your teeth yet and it backfired on her. She got herself into trouble instead. Normal sister stuff! I know it won't be long until you turn the tables on her, and do things to try and get HER into trouble! Oh yeah, I'm really looking forward to that! (NOT!)

You talk all the time now, though it's still in mostly your own little language. "Mama" is your most used word! That both thrills me and bums me out...since you call almost everyone "Mama" or "Mommy". LOL You've got a much bigger vocabulary than you let on...I know, 'cuz I've heard it! I'm not worried though...you'll catch on soon. I love how you'll say "Aw, man!" when you are disappointed. I love how you tilt your head to the side every time you say "Please", looking so cute and you know it! I really love hearing you say "Daddy" because I can see the joy in your Daddy's eyes when you do.

Most of all, I love YOU! You mean the world to me, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I look forward to watching you grow up, learn, and change. Happy Birthday baby girl! I love you!
Love,
Mommy

Our Big Day

2007-04-09T13:05:00.000-07:00

Friday, April 6, 2007 at around 9:30am we stood in front of the Judge with our girls in our arms and watched as he signed the papers declaring us their parents and completing the adoption we'd been working towards for almost two years!!!

The whole thing took less than five minutes...I dunno, I always thought it'd be a bit longer than that. At any rate, just by signing his name to the adoption papers, this wonderful Judge made a 14 year long dream come true, and made me a Mama.

No more monthly caseworker visits...no more rules and regulations...no more red tape...no more being put under the microscope! We are DONE and these two precious girls are now our DAUGHTERS. You guys have NO idea how this makes me feel!

Anyway, as promised...here are some pictures of our big day!

Destiny waiting to leave for court:

Both girls before we left the apartment:

Our newly official family and the Judge who made it so:

One of us, the Judge, and the fosters who adopted the girls' brother the same day:

We're a FAMILY!

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

Just a really quick post...I've been offline since last Thursday due to internet being cutoff. Lots of stuff happened, some bad...but I'll get into that later. :(

The point of this particular post is just to say:

THEY'RE ADOPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Details to come...with pics! Right now I'm late for a celebration lunch with Mom and Sis! :)

Adoption Update!!

2007-03-28T14:07:00.000-07:00

Just got another call from the lawyer. We went down to his office yesterday to sign some paperwork, and were told again that the finalization would be Friday by his assistant.

Well, you can scratch March 30th off your calendars...turns out it won't be THIS Friday, but next Friday, April 6th! That's exactly one week before Meghan turns 2!

One more week to wait...I'm kinda bummed, but I know it's not that long after how long this whole thing has taken. I'm just SO ready to be done and be their forever Mommy!

FINALIZATION DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

OMG!! I thought I'd never get to post this!

Lawyer's office called MrKB on his cell phone. He's on his way home now to pick me up so we can go down to sign final paperwork.

Then...we go to court THIS FRIDAY for FINALIZATION!!!!!!!!!! March 30th...mark your calendars!!!!!

I'm Boycotting "American Girl" After Reading This!

2007-03-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

I came across a link to this post while browsing the forums of OLS, a sweepstakes community.

A 6 year old girl took her beloved doll, that she'd purchased with her OWN money from Target, to the American Girl Place to have the doll's hair styled. The stylist treated this little girl like shit, and refused to style the doll's hair, saying the doll was "not a real doll". WTF???

Read the post by this little girl's Mom on the subject HERE. I'm just appalled at how this child was treated, and my girls will NEVER be getting anything from American Girl!

They Finally Got Me...

2007-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Yep, I've finally been "forced" over to the new Blogger. Guess time will tell how I like it or not.

Anyway...so what's new around here? I am STILL getting over whatever has had me sick. I even lost my voice completely for a few days, and though I can talk now, I still sound hoarse. MrKB has strep throat, he thinks...and both the girls have had colds. Fun stuff, huh?

We got our taxes done and bought a few things we'd been wanting. Got a new entertainment center for the living room, and I got a new monitor for my computer! It's a 19" LCD flat-screen, and I love it! :) We also got a couple of new games for the PS2, along with a wireless controller...that's awesome in itself, 'cuz now the kids and I don't have to worry about tripping on the controller cord when MrKB's playing his games. We also paid ahead on our rent, so now we don't have to stress every month about the DHS check not coming in time to get it paid before they start eviction proceedings. That is a huge load of our minds!

Speaking of MrKB, his birthday was on the 11th. I had planned to do a special post for him, but as sick as I was, I just didn't have the energy. The PS2 games and controller were mostly for him, for birthday presents.

Our adoption caseworker came by again last week with more paperwork for us to sign. Our adoption subsidy was approved, which means we'll still get a check every month towards the care of the kids. She said that the adoption SHOULD be finalized this month, it depends on how soon the lawyer can get a date scheduled in front of the judge. At the very latest, we should be finished by the time Meghan turns 2 on April 13th. :)

That's about it...all the news I can think of at the moment. God, I'm boring! Now I leave you with a short video that someone put together about the Africam I'm so addicted to these days. Really...check it out! It's only about a minute and a half long, and SO worth it!

It's a Party and You're ALL Invited!! Sticky Post

2007-03-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

Y'all may have noticed this button over in my sidebar the last few weeks, and wondered about it. Well, it's PARTY TIME!

The idea of it is to be a way to "meet" new people, and discover new blogs to read. If you want to be a participant, by all means, please do! This is the brainchild of Janice and Susan, over at "5 Minutes for Mom" and it should be loads of fun. No, you don't necessarily have to be a "Mom" to join in, it's open to everyone. There's even gonna be prizes given out on March 8th...to find out more about the Ultimate Blog Party, just click on the button up there.

SO...Welcome to my little corner of the party! Come on in, make yourselves comfortable...There's lots of snacks around. I've got all kinds of chips and dips, veggie trays, cookies, ice cream...and my personal favorite...Cherry Cheesecake! Yum!

If you'd like a drink, just step up to the open bar, where you'll be served by either the drop-dead gorgeous Armando, or for you men out there, you can be waited on by the lovely Michelle. The bar is well stocked, so order whatever you like! Of course, there's plenty of tequila and Jello shots as well.

You can kick back on the ultra comfy couches and chairs in the Movie Room, and watch whatever you want on the giant flat-screen TV with the best possible sound system. If you can't decide between a favorite movie, or whatever sports game, not to worry! Just turn on the picture-in-picture option!

Feel like gettin' your grove on? Dancing the night away? Head on over to the best dance floor you ever set foot on! There's music for everybody, just request whatever suits your desire from our 5-star DJ! (But please...to preserve the hostesses' sanity, let's keep the rap and the heavy metal to a minimum, alrighty? Thanks!)

What are ya waiting for?? C'mon!! Let's get this party started! :) This will be going on from now through March 9th. Chat away in the comments for this party post, and let's get to know each other! (Regular posts will continue under this one, so don't forget to check them too!)

Stuff in My Head

2007-03-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

First, I haven't been able to get around yet to many of the blogs participating in the blogger party. I've been sick all this week and whatever it is, is seriously kicking my ass. I was actually in bed last night by 10pm!! I haven't done that in ages. Woke up at 5am, then went back to bed at 6am and slept until 10:30am. It's now just before 1pm and already I just want to go back to sleep some more. Unfortunately, the little ones don't stop just 'cuz Mama has zero energy!

So we went and saw our lawyer yesterday. He is waiting on some paperwork he needs from our caseworker, and he got all the necessary information from us that he needed, like the girls' new names and such. He'll be sending us some stuff in the mail to get signed and notarized, and said we will be getting this done ASAP! :)

I got some bad news from my Mom this last weekend, and have been coming to grips with it in my head ever since. Her Dad, my Granddad, has been sick with emphysema. In the last month or so, he's really gone downhill fast, and according to my Mom, is just a shell of the man he used to be. She says he is just skin and bones now and is in a lot of pain anymore. His hospice nurse thinks that in maybe a week or two he will slip into a coma, and then it won't be long after that that he leaves us.

I'm struggling with this because though I want to go and see him, I don't want to see him like he is now. Also, I'm really worried about my Grandmother. They've been married for over 50 years, and I know she's going to be so lost without him.

Sigh....don't want to get into it too much right now or I'm just going to end up a blubbering mess. Life is kinda sucking at the moment...hope y'all are doing better!

Checkin' In!

2007-03-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

Not a whole lot going on around here, really. Last night around 2:30am I ended up taking Meghan to the ER. She has a very bad case of pinkeye. UGH! I wasn't going to make the ER trip, but it started out as some yucky gook coming from her eye in the late afternoon/early evening and just worsened from there. I was planning on getting her in to see the regular doctor so I could get meds to treat it with, but she went to sleep for maybe an hour and woke up just screaming and crying, and the eye was badly swollen...looked like she'd been punched or something! So, off to the ER we went. She was not cooperative there at all. I've had to take her in before, but she's always been great. This time she didn't want anything to do with ANYBODY there. Poor guy working triage had a hell of a time getting an oxygen level reading! She screamed and cried the whole time we were there just about...I bet people could hear her throughout the floor!

I have an antibiotic cream for her now that I'm supposed to put in her eye every 3 hours. Fun, huh?? Yeah, I know!

We have an appointment on Wednesday morning to meet with our adoption lawyer. This will really get the ball rolling in the right direction!! Wish us luck that it all goes well!

I'm sorry I haven't been doing so well posting regularly. I have a new addiction! I discovered a VERY cool site, where you can watch a 24/7 LIVE feed of an African watering hole in South Africa. I have the camera open on my computer constantly when I'm awake, so I don't miss anything. I've been watching since around Valentine's Day, and so far I've seen Waterbuck, White-Tailed Mongoose, Elephant, Saddle Billed Stork, Southern Ground Hornbill, Wildebeest, Impala, Giraffe, White Rhino, Spotted Hyena, Black-backed Jackal, Zebra, Hippo, Vervet Monkey, and Baboon...not to mention many other birds!

I'm still waiting to see many more animals, especially any big cats! Apparently, back on Christmas Day '06, a group of lions made a kill right by the watering hole (they got a Cape Buffalo) and spent the next 3 days hanging around! Wish I'd known about the site then. Anyway, it's been quite an experience to be able to see these animals live in Africa while I sit in Oklahoma at my computer! (As I type this I can hear the Hyena calling!) The camera is run by the Nkorho Lodge, which shares a fenceless border with the Kruger National Park in South Africa. If you want to check it out for yourself, go here, and to view the cam I watch all the time, click on "Nkorho Stream". There are also several other cameras set up in various places, but they run on still shots updated every minute or so.

I also spend time on the forums, discussing with other cammers what we see and hear. I shouldn't be hard to find if you go looking! :) Hope to see you there!

OK! OK!! An Update!!

2007-02-25T11:55:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for not posting sooner since the caseworker visit this last Wednesday! Every time I wanted to sit down and post, I'd either end up busy doing something else, or I'd get distracted by things.

The visit went very well! This caseworker that came by this time was one that had we'd never met before. She is the adoption worker, and we found out that she will be the ONLY caseworker from here on out. YAY! She's a very nice, pleasant, older lady, and she explained things to us very well as far as what is going to happen.

We received all of the "disclosure information" that DHS has had on file pertaining to each of the girls. The file on Destiny is at least 2 inches thick, and Meghan's is about half of that. Made for quite a bit of reading...but a lot of it we already knew. According to my MIL, when the adoption becomes final we will get even MORE files from DHS. Can't wait to see everything, including whatever was said about us!

Then we had to sign a bunch of new paperwork...mostly stuff we've done before, just updated. One of the papers pertained to what the girls' new names will be once they are adopted. :) Meghan's name will be changed completely...I don't care for the name she legally has now, and she'll never know until she's older that it was ever anything besides Meghan. For Destiny, we are changing the spelling of her first name (legally it is Destanie) and giving her a new middle name. Their last names are already the same as ours. Also, there will be entirely new birth certificates issued, with their new names, and OUR names listed as the Mother and Father. I know I am just going to cry the first time I see that!!

As for a finalization date, there isn't one yet. The caseworker said that at the very latest, this should all be done by March! She said around 30-45 days at the most. The lawyer will be the one to set the date, and one of the things we need to do now is get in touch with him and tell him that she's been here and it's time to get things rolling. He will get the necessary information and then file the petition for adoption. MIL had the same lawyer, and she told me that she thinks that after they'd got to this point and the lawyer was involved, that it was maybe two weeks later and they were in the courtroom for the finalization. :)

Oh, speaking of court...remember the judge that we'd had? The one that was so biased regarding the smoking thing? Well, we found out that she is no longer on the case...she now works downtown or something...I don't really care! I'm very glad we don't have to deal with her again! There's a new judge, and the caseworker said he/she (I can't remember which) is very good and fair.

SO...the gist of it is, that this really will all be over soon!! I thrilled, excited, anxious and nervous all in one! It will be such a relief to finally be free of all the red tape, and the fear that my girls might be taken away from me! Yes, it's been a very long, difficult road...but it's SO worth it. I'm kinda glad my brother-in-law and his girlfriend are such screw-ups. If they weren't...I wouldn't have had this chance to be a Mom. You have NO idea just how much this means to me.

'Nuff Said...

2007-02-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

Adoption Update!!

2007-02-16T03:08:00.000-08:00

We heard from our adoption caseworker yesterday. She will be coming out to our house on Wednesday with some FINAL paperwork for us to sign, and for a visit with the girls. We will hopefully also get a finalization date for the adoption!!

WAHOOOOOOO!!! Keep your fingers crossed that this lonnnnng process is almost OVER!

On This Day 12 Years Ago...

2007-02-14T00:19:00.000-08:00

I married my best friend!

We met when I was 19 and he was 21. We knew each other, but didn't really KNOW each other, since we were both always in other relationships, and were too shy to really talk.

Years later, when my boyfriend at the time had gone into the Navy, he was my shoulder to cry on when I felt alone. We got to know each other a lot more, and the more time I spent with him, the more I knew that the guy I was with was not the right man for me.

We ended up falling in love, and on February 14, 1995, after dating less than a year, we got married. I was 23, and he was 25. I have never been happier!

The past year has brought us even more challenges than the last. We've been struggling to complete the adoption of our daughters...both his Mom and Dad have been so sick, Dad with cancer and diabetes, and Mom with brain tumors...Together, we can face anything that might be thrown our way!

To my husband:
Baby, I love you more today than the day I married you. I am truly in love with my best friend!

You are my light, my love, my reason for living...my very best friend. I know we'll have many more happy years together, they should be even happier now that we have a family of our own. We tried so hard for so long to have children, and even though it didn't happen as we expected it to, we now have two beautiful little girls to call ours.

Happy Anniversary Darlin'! I LOVE YOU!!

Alison Krauss- "When You Say Nothing at All" (See the video right below this post!...it's "our" song.)

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old Mr. Webster could never define
What's being said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

2007-02-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

Alison Krauss - When You Say Nothing At All

This is "our" song. :)

Fun With Laundry Baskets

2007-02-13T11:55:00.000-08:00

Meghan is 22 months old today! In just a couple of months she will be *gasp!* 2 years old! It just doesn't seem possible. Should be a very interesting year. :)

My Mom-in-law stopped by a couple nights ago to pick up some laundry that I was doing for her, and Meghan discovered the fun of playing with a laundry basket:

WHY??

2007-02-10T12:28:00.000-08:00

Why, why, WHY do I continually let myself be taken advantage of?? Why do I try to give a person even a little of my trust, only to have them do things to disrespect me and hurt me again and again??

WHEN will I reach a breaking point, just completely do something out of the ordinary for me and just finally lose my cool?? When is enough, enough???

Ugh. I hate this.

Out of the Mouth of Meghan

2007-02-10T04:08:00.000-08:00

Meghan will be 22 months old on the 13th. She is saying more and more words all the time, and probably a whole bunch that I just haven't been able to translate from her "toddler-speak" yet. I thought I'd make a little record of things she does say on a regular basis nowadays. Of course, some are of the obvious persuasion, but I was curious as to just how big her vocabulary is so far.

Mama
Mommy
Dada
Daddy
See...usually said quite loudly and excitedly.
No...but comes out more like "Ooooh"
Huh-uh
All gone...comes out like "Ah gah"
Shhhh
Sissy
Hi
Bye...she actually said this one for the first time last night! Before that, "Hi" stood for both hi and bye.
Nana
Papa (well, kinda!)
Yay...sounds more like "Aaaaaa" and usually claps her hands at the same time.
"Shew shew"...said while wrinkling her nose and waving her hand in front of her face. She gets that from me, since I would say it a lot and make the motion when changing a stinky diaper.
Please....sounds like "peas"...she's got looking cute down with this one! She'll cock her head to the side when she says it. LOL
Thank you...sounds like "Ain goo"
Ow
Owie

Hmmmm...unfortunately that's all I can come up with right now. 20 words? At 22 months? Really?? I have no idea if that's average or not. I'll have to look that up. But man...she is ALWAYS talking it seems. I'm sure she's got lots more words that I'm just not understanding yet.

She still communicates a lot with, I guess you could say, "grunts" and gestures. She does use intonation on some words, particularly "Mama". If she's a little aggravated or disappointed about something it will sound like "Maaaa Ma!" Of course if she really wants my attention, she says it very loudly!

What else? Oh, whenever I am listening to music, she "sings" along, though in her own words. So cute! She will also try to count...she mimics the sounds of the numbers, and sometimes even knows what comes next! She's very, very bright. She's followed complex directions for many months now, like "Get your diaper and put it in the trash." or "Get your binky and put it in your bed". Destiny, at 4 years old, STILL has problems with complex instructions sometimes. Not always, but sometimes. But this post isn't about that.

It's just been an amazing 21 or so months for me. (Remember she was already 3 weeks old when I got her.) I have loved (almost!) every minute of it...watching her grow and change, and accomplish new things all the time. I'm SO thankful that I've had the chance to be a Mommy to the baby I tried so long and hard to have myself that never happened. She has helped so much with filling that emptiness that's been in my heart and arms for over a decade. Oh, I still hope and dream of someday getting pregnant and having a child of my own...but I'm 35 now. In my head I know that my chances are growing ever slimmer, and I try not to dwell on it too much. The longing, the void, is still there...it's just not as immense as it was before.

Happy Hour Playdates??

2007-02-06T20:14:00.000-08:00

Mary from over at "It's Not All Mary Poppins" had a post on this subject a couple days ago, and I've been thinking about it every since. I've been surfing around for different posts on the subject, and there are MANY...it kept me occupied with reading for quite awhile.

The "Today Show" apparently had a segment on TV (which I missed) about some Moms in a playgroup who would have a drink or two of wine as they hung out together and conversed while their kiddos were playing. The show was apparently biased, and made these Moms out to be a bunch of alcoholics who were bad mothers for drinking AT ALL in the presence of their children.

SO...now there's been a big to-do over this question: "Is it okay for Moms to get together and consume alcohol while responsible for the care of their children?" I am shocked this is even an issue! The Today Show made it seem like this is some new trend, when in actuality it's not. Mothers have been having drinks around their children for decades.

Anyone who reads my blog knows that I'm a big fan of Jose Cuervo. Yes, I drink. Yes, my kids have been present while I'm drinking. No, I don't get drunk while they are awake...I save that for after they've long gone to bed, and I'm not the only person here in case an emergency was to come up. I also don't drink every day...definitely not an alcoholic who HAS to have alcohol to handle my children.

I don't see anything at all with a group of Moms having a drink or two while on a playdate with their children. If I attended playdates, I might even suggest having margaritas together or something while the kids played. It's not like these Moms are there getting completely shit-faced drunk and letting the kids play in traffic. They are having a drink or two and enjoying the company of other ADULTS while the little ones enjoy other kids their size being around to play with. As a SAHM, I understand completely the need to be with other adults occasionally...and if there's a little alcohol involved in the get-together, then so be it.

Of course, the time of day that the playdates are being held makes a difference too. Now, if they are occurring at 9 or 10am, then I don't think it's that appropriate...but in general I think it's in bad taste for ANYONE to be drinking that early in the day, and usually those that do ARE alcoholics. If the playdate is being held at like 4 or 5 o'clock in the evening, then it's a bit different. It makes more sense to me, because it's towards the ending of the busy day when a person may have a drink or two to unwind.

A point that was brought up often in comments on this subject was what makes these Moms having a drink and socializing while the kids are around any different from a family BBQ, where drinks are being served? Also, why wasn't the subject of Dads being in charge of the kids while at a ballgame and having some beers discussed on the show? It seems like it's perfectly okay if the Dads drink alcohol while caring for the children...but Moms?? OH NO! The world will end!! Children will be scarred for life!!

Give me a freakin' break.

One of the questions asked by the interviewer on the show (which happened to be Meredith Veira, formally from "The View".) was, "Would you want your babysitter to be drinking while in charge of your children?" She implied that the babysitter drinking while watching the kids was no different than the Moms watching their own children.

Now, this question has different answers possible. But first...I am NOT a babysitter. Being a Mom and being a babysitter are NOT the same thing. A "caregiver", like in the setting of a daycare, is NOT the same thing either. I was a preschool teacher for 3 years in a daycare setting, and it's just not the same.

As for the question...you have to take in consideration WHO is doing the babysitting. If it's the kids' grandparents or my sister, or somebody I completely trust is not going to let anything happen to my children while in their care, then I don't have a problem with them having a couple of drinks. Not at all. I also know that I'm not going to show up to get my girls and find the grandparents or whoever completely sloshed and the kids playing with the kitchen knives or something. On the other hand, if the babysitter is someone that is being paid to watch my kids for a few hours that I might not know all that well yet, then yeah, I would prefer that they didn't drink during that time. Especially if they're underage anyway. Maybe after the person has watched my kids on several occasions and I'm more comfortable with them, then I might not mind if they had a drink during the evening, but I would probably still prefer that they wait until the kids were in bed.

SO...c'mon...let's discuss this! Go and read the article on the subject on the "Today Show" here. There will also be a place where you can watch the video clip from the segment. Then come back here and let's talk about it in the comments!

Now, if you'll excuse me...I suddenly have the urge to have a margarita. ;)

More Cuteness from Meghan :)

2007-02-03T15:39:00.000-08:00

Wow! Two posts in one day?? I know! I know! Now pick yourselves up off the floor where you just fell down in shock. LOL

I wanted to get this posted before I ended up offline for a bit, but I didn't get around to it. This is another short video of Meghan. She'd been having teething pains when I took this, even though we couldn't see any teeth breaking through. So we gave her an unwrapped popsicle to chew on...worked like a charm! Of course, since she does have SOME teeth already, we had to keep an eye out for potential leaks...by some miracle she never pierced the wrapping, and just went to town on the popsicle until it was liquid again. Anyway...enjoy! The lighting on this one is a LITTLE better.

Ummm...Hello?? Is This Thing On??

2007-02-03T12:24:00.000-08:00

Well, HI! Yeah, I know...y'all have just been sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for another post from me, huh? Sorry about the short absence...First I don't have a whole lot to post about these days, and THEN those dictators down at the cable place CUT OFF MY INTERNET!! The nerve, I tell ya!

ANYWAY...let's see...hmmmm....Yeah, see how boring I am?!? Sheesh.

Well, a week or two ago, we did have some drama with our friends. It's a long story that I just don't have the energy to get into right now, but I'll just say that to help them out, we were letting them stay with us here at our place for a couple of weeks until they found a place of their own. The first few days were alright, I guess...other than the normal losing your privacy thing that happens in situations like that. THEN...they get into this HUGE fight with each other over something that was really stupid, and ended up OUTSIDE our apartment at 4am SCREAMING at each other! Is it just me, or was that just really disrespectful?? They promised it wouldn't happen again, but just a couple days later the same thing happened, except it wasn't 4am this time. When it happened the second time, the manager of our apartments called me and laid into me about them and told me they had to go immediately or else WE would be getting evicted within 24 hours. Yeah...like THAT is some stress I need! Needless to say, they were out of here!

Not much news on the adoption front right now. We had the adoption caseworker call last week to ask MrKB about the restriction on his driver's license. He has a letter from the state of Oklahoma that he has to carry in his wallet at all times. He has this letter because of someone he considered a very close friend stealing his identity a few years back. The friend had a driver's license done up with his picture and all of MrKB's info. Not only that, but ended up giving MrKB a rap sheet several pages long with various crimes. It was all a BIG hassle when we found out about it by chance when MrKB was pulled over for an expired tag. He had to go down and be fingerprinted to prove that he was NOT the person that had done all the stuff on his record, and the restriction on his license states that he has to have this letter they provided to show to any law enforcement officers on demand. The letter basically says that he is who he says he is, and blah blah blah.

Apparently...the adoption process has reached the State level, and the State had some concerns about it, I guess since it's not something they come across that often. Long story short, they wanted a copy of the letter in question, so we've done that, and now are again in the "hurry up and wait" stage. Bleh. Hopefully, this was the LAST piece of paper they need and any day now we'll get the call to let us know an adoption finalization date. Man, I hope so.

In other news, Meghan is FINALLY getting more teeth in! Well, a TOOTH so far. I was starting to wonder if she'd get any more. Remember, she didn't get her first teeth until she was 11 months old, then didn't get any more until 15 months. None since then until now...and she is 21 1/2 months old!! Good grief. It's made for some fun nights for Mama, let me tell ya!

Meghan is also VERY ornery lately. She is quite defiant and really pushing her limits. Frustrating, to say the least...but I know it's a stage she's going through. Doesn't mean I have to like it though! She is also picking up more words all the time, and just a couple days ago started saying "Mommy" instead of "Mama". :) THAT I like.

Destiny is pretty much the same as she has been. I am still aggravated with her daily over stuff she does, and her speech is not much better yet. I wish I could get inside her head for just one day so I could find out just HOW she processes things in there! I don't know how to explain how she is exactly...just that I unfortunately lose patience with her A LOT. I can't help it, and if you knew the things she does, you'd lose patience too, believe me. Anyway, we're working on it! Despite it all, she is still a very happy little girl and has a beautiful smile and is loved very much!

Gotta end this here...I have to run to the store and get some laundry soap. Des is going to spend the night over at my sister's, and we've got a sitter for Meghan. I gotta get them some clean clothes! MrKB and I are going out tonight for awhile, and I can't wait! :)

Oh, by the way....Happy Anniversary to my awesome Mom and Dad!!! Today is their 34th wedding anniversary! I hope we make it that far, and beyond. We must be doing something right so far...our 12th anniversary is coming up on Valentine's Day. :)

Amused

2007-01-20T15:13:00.000-08:00

This video amuses me...this is only the second time Meghan's ever fell asleep while in her high chair, and I grabbed the camera and taped her for a minute or so. Towards the end of the video, her eyes blink themselves open for a moment. This is the part where I was saying, "Meghan! Meghan, wake up!" (Unfortunately the digital camera I use to take short video shots doesn't have sound capabilities.) She looks at me very sleepily and goes right back to sleeping. Then you'll see the shadow of my arm...that's me snapping my fingers over her head trying to get a response. LOL

Sorry the lighting is bad in the video...it plays back a lot lighter than that on the camera. Anyway, enjoy!

I Hate Winter

2007-01-17T23:56:00.000-08:00

First...what is up with Blogrolling?? Most times it hardly shows anybody being updated, then today it showed EVERYONE as updated! Go figure.

I'm sure y'all have heard about Oklahoma being one big sheet of ice by now. Yeah...ice storms came through on both Friday and Saturday, and some of Sunday. It looks like we have 5-6 inches of snow outside, but it's all ICE. Schools have been closed all week, and I haven't been out of the house since Friday. I'm gonna have to get out sometime tomorrow and get some groceries.

You know what's funny? On Thursday we had beautiful weather...temps got up to 63 or 68...I don't remember which. Since Friday we haven't had temps above freezing. Currently my weather thingie in my browser says 31 degrees. That's the warmest it's been since this mess came through. I'm SO ready for Spring and warm weather!

We've been staying nice and warm here. Fortunately we haven't been one of the thousands without power. Had my friend and her boyfriend here for the weekend. They brought all sorts of drama with them and I was kinda glad to see them leave. They're going through a rough time with life in general, and there's not much I can do to help them. I hate that.

Not much else going on around here really. I shot a short video of Meghan the other night falling asleep in her high chair. When I get it uploaded I'll try to post it. It cracked me up, and I'm sure y'all will get a kick out of it too.

In Memory

2007-01-11T11:17:00.000-08:00

The blogworld has had a shining light extinquished, never to be heard from again. Fellow blogger and HNT'er "Betchacan'tguesswho" was killed in a car accident on Thursday, January 4th.

I didn't know Betcha personally, but I'm certain that when I was an avid participant in HNT that she left me a comment or two. I certainly knew her from around the blogworld, and her screen name always made me smile for whatever reason.

My heartfelt condolences go out to her family and friends during this time! For more about Betcha, stop over at Osbasso's place and read his post. He gives all the information on the situation that he knows at this point.

Is This Not the Cutest Picture EVER??

2007-01-09T14:43:00.000-08:00

If you don't smile after seeing this, you're either dead or living under a rock! :)

Heyyyyyyy!

2007-01-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

The first few days of the New Year were a bit disappointing, but nothing else major has happened, thank goodness...other than going into our monthly battle with the management over when the rent will be paid! I'm so tired of doing this every month, but we're stuck here until the summer when the lease runs out. By then we should be free to move anywhere we want without having to have DHS approve.

Speaking of...MrKB and I were finally able to get our physicals done, and the forms sent off in the mail to DHS. This was the LAST thing that we had to do, so now the adoption stuff will be sent to the State for final approval. It's already been approved by the lower levels, we are in the "waiting" stage now. Waiting to hear about an adoption date, when we (and our friends and family) will go to the court for finalization! Getting close!! I can't wait, can you??

I'm loving this new computer! It's SO much faster than my old one, and I actually DID watch a movie on it a few days ago. That was really weird for me, since I've never been able to do that before. It was pretty cool, actually. My stepdaughter and I sat here and watched "The Wild", a cute animated movie. I still need to go on the web and try to dl a few programs that I lost...just haven't got around to it yet.

Saturday we spent the majority of the day in the van. We had to take my stepdaughter back home to Texas...she lives almost 5 hours from here, about an hour east of Dallas. Of course, when you've got two little ones traveling with you it takes longer 'cuz there's more potty breaks and stuff. My girls do really well on long car trips, even Meghan. I always make sure they have toys and books to play with, and I bring along snacks. Meghan will usually sleep for awhile at some point, but Destiny mostly stays awake...she doesn't want to miss anything. :)

Not much else going on with me...back to the same old, same old. Well, I've been seriously considering college classes online. Get somewhere at least with going back to school. I've got a couple of friends who've been doing the online course thing, and my sister has too, along with her regular classes. I figure it'd be a great place to start for me. I want to get a degree in Elementary Education and teach Kindergarten, 1st, or 2nd grade someday. I also will minor in Psychology. I loved Psych in high school...it was the only class that didn't bore me to death and I had good grades.

One more thing...Meghan is saying more and more words all the time now. Yesterday I was getting her a drink and I told her "Say please" and she did! I totally wasn't expecting it at all since she never had before. She did it again later that day for Daddy. It comes out more like "Pwee" but it's SO cute! She never ceases to amaze me. Of course, she is also really, really, into a defiant stage lately, and that tries my patience. Still, it's been an amazing experience for me to watch her grow and change from the little 3-week-old baby I brought home from the hospital, into the rambunctious toddler she has become. I find it hard to believe that she will be 2 in April!!

Hope things are going well for y'all! Did you make any resolutions for the New Year? I never really make them, since they just get broke anyway...but I am trying to be better with Destiny, and not be so hard on her for some things. Remember a long time ago how I said that there just wasn't the bond there with Destiny, like I have with Meghan? It still holds true today, even though I do love her with all of my heart! I don't know how to explain it so that anyone can understand...not even to MrKB. But I'm working on it...

Well....Hell....

2007-01-03T19:36:00.000-08:00

Only 3 days into 2007, and already have had things go wrong! The hard drive on my computer completely crapped out, resulting in the loss of all the Christmas pictures I had taken, except for the few that I'd happened to post on here. Glad I did at least that much! And fortunately, since my Dad had given me a cd burner the last time my computer had problems (that time it was the motherboard, which was recently) I had burned all the other pics to disk...couldn't have been more than a month or so ago! 2 GB worth of pictures!! I also lost some programs that I had, but that's more a pain-in-the-ass kinda thing, getting them reinstalled...not that big a deal. Good thing too, that I changed my template when I did or I wouldn't have the saved copies of my old templates to get my links from! Damn...that reminds me...I lost my Tigger template to my Myspace. Dangit!! Sigh...

BUT...instead of sending my computer to my Dad to fix again, I decided "Fuck it! I want a new (or at least new-to-me) bigger, better, faster computer!" We checked a couple of pawn shops to see what kinda deals could be had, but eh... Wal-Mart? All I needed was the tower part, really...everything else works fine. They had I think just one desktop set and it was around $450. Went to see if they had just the tower part for sale, and yeah they did...over $600 freakin' bucks for JUST the tower!! WTF? And it wasn't any big name brand or anything, and seemed to be very very basic tower. So anyway, we decided to check at this rent-to-own place, just to see what they had to offer. (I can make payments there in cash since I don't have a credit card). I am now the proud owner (well, kinda...but I have it anyway) of a shiny new Compaq Presario desktop with a 3200+ AMD Sempron Processor, 512 mb memory, 80 GB hard drive, CD-RW/DVD-ROM combo drive! WHEEEEEE! Supposed to take 12 months to pay it off if we just pay the payment...but I'm gonna try to get it paid off by paying MORE each month, thinking it'll be about 5 months. Sooner I pay it off the less it's gonna cost me overall.

I haven't tried yet, but I take it that a DVD-ROM means I can actually watch a movie on my computer if I want to, right?? This is new for me! I've only had two computers since joining the internet world when I was 28 (just turned 35) and both of them were built for me by my Dad, and were not particularly fast. The one I just replaced had only 150mb memory and only a 20 GB hard drive with a slow processor. Yeah...big difference now performance-wise, and I actually feel like I have high speed internet now! LOL...I have for awhile, but it didn't seem all that high speed on the other computer. It's much better now and I'm loving it!

Still kinda bummed I lost the Christmas pics, though.

The other bad start to the New Year is I am sick...AGAIN...with a nasty cold! What was it? About a week or two before Christmas when I had that other one?? Can't believe I've already caught another freakin' cold already! It sucks and I feel like shit, and Mommies don't get sick days!! Oh, and Meghan, it seems, is finally starting to get more teeth in we think. She's has been THE crankiest baby the last few days. Bleh.

I'm going back to bed to try and get some sleep. Hope y'all have had a better start to 2007 than I have!

Happy Birthday Destiny!!!! And...A New Year, A New Look :)

2006-12-31T09:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Destiny,

Today you are 4 years old! Doesn't seem that long ago you were only 2 1/2...which is how old you were when we got to bring you home with us for good. We've been through a lot together since then. Together, we conquered the lonnnnng process of potty training, and this year when you went to "big girl panties" full time, you managed to go a really long time with NO accidents at all! We were so proud of you for doing so well!

Together, we've watched your little sister Meghan grow from a little tiny baby who didn't do very much besides eat, sleep and poop, into the "almost big girl" that she is today...able to walk, talk (a bit!) and most importantly, PLAY with you! You are such a good big sister to her, and she's going to be learning so much from you in the days and years to come.

We've had our rough times too...you have some difficulty catching on to things...learning and processing them in your little mind. Mommy gets frustrated too easily, and I know that doesn't help, and I'm really working on doing better! Tomorrow is the beginning of a brand new year, and that's one of the things I've promised myself I'd really try to do better, and not be so hard on you for a lot of things.

You are definitely Daddy's Girl at this point, and he loves you SO much, just as I do! He's told me that when he comes home from work, and you come running into the living room with an excited "HI DADDY!" and hugs and kisses for him, that it just melts his heart every single time. :)

Happy Birthday, sweet Destiny! We love you more and more each day!

My Christmas

2006-12-26T10:46:00.000-08:00

<---Meghan with her Nana

Another Christmas has come and gone! This one was my 13th with MrKB, and our 2nd with the girls. Gotta admit, it's more fun now that we have them. It's also a lot more exhausting!! My house is a wreck, and I've got a lot of cleaning to do, but man...I'm so freakin' tired! I slept pretty well last night, but I still feel like I could lay down and sleep another 6 hours.

I got some pretty nice gifts...my "Friends" DVD collection is now complete with Season 1. (I had seasons 2-10 already)...I got a couple of porcelain dolls, a little cash, and a Crown Royal gift set. (Shame it wasn't tequila! But MrKB likes it, so it will still get some use!) I got a few other things too, but can't think of them at the moment.

We spent Christmas Eve over at my parents' house opening gifts. The girls made out like bandits, as always! It was fun watching them open presents. Meghan is 20 months old this year, so could actually open hers by herself. It was funny, 'cuz she didn't even pay attention to what the presents actually were until she got every last bit of wrapping paper off first! LOL Too cute!

Christmas Day was spent at my Grandparents' house in Enid, where the girls got MORE presents. The adults of the family played the "Dirty Santa" game, which is how I ended up with the Crown Royal set, and MrKB ended up with $30 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets. No big winners though...bummer.

All in all it was a good Christmas, and tomorrow we go to pick up my stepdaughters to spend some time with us! :) Really looking forward to seeing them!

Now, some pictures! :)

Checking out what Santa brought...

Presents and more presents! :)

Silly Questions

2006-12-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

Stolen from Katie and Bekah!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Ughhhh! I look like crap! (it's that time of month...I'm allowed dammit!)

2. How much cash do you have on you? None whatsoever.

3. What's a word that rhymes with DOOR? Poor!!

4. Favorite planet? Gonna have to say Earth, since I've never been to any others!

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Don't have a cell phone.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Again, no cell phone..

7. What shirt are you wearing? The top to snowman jammies I got for my birthday.

8. Do you label yourself? Ummmm...no. Shy, maybe.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing: None, I'm barefoot.

10. Bright or Dark Room? It depends on a variety of things...for sleeping, dark!

11. Why is there always a missing question? Hell if I know!

12. What does your watch look like? Gold colored, Winnie-the-Pooh watch. I want a Tigger watch!

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Piddling around the internet.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? Didn't I already say I don't have a damn cell phone??

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Maybe 1/4 mile up the road.

16. What's a word that you say a lot? Dammit!!

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Destiny, I think...

18. Last furry thing you touched? probably a stuffed animal, I guess.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Several doses of Ibuprofen, nothing fun! Wish I had some Midol though...

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? Hmmm...I have a pretty old roll that's been in my purse (that I never carry) forever. I have no clue what's on it.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 25 was pretty cool.

22. Your worst enemy? No enemies here! Not many friends, either. Not counting y'all in blogland, of course!

23. What is your current desktop picture? One of me and the hubby. Awwww!

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Meghan, lay down and GO TO SLEEP!"

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, what would it be? A million bucks, of course! I hate flying.

26. Do you like someone? I like lots of people. :)

27. The last song you listened to? Not sure...but for some reason I have "Last Christmas" by Wham going through my head right now.

28. What time of day were you born? 9:30 a.m.

29. What's your favorite number? 69!! MWAHAHAHAAAA! I'm so bad!

30. Where did you live in 1987? Same as I do now...Oklahoma.

31. Are you jealous of anyone? Yeah, anyone that has more money than they know what to do with! It's ridiculous what people like Paris Hilton spend on some shit.

32. Is anyone jealous of you? Well, Bekah is apparently...because I am able to stay home with my kids. Trust me, sometimes I wish I worked, but DHS wants me home with them right now.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At home, watching the t.v. in horror.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? If there's anyone around to refund it to me, I'll get it back...but most times I'm just screwed and pissed off.

35. Do you consider yourself kind? Too kind for my own good, it seems like.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Why would I HAVE to get one? I have one already, but do want another...a purple butterfly, but I haven't decided where yet though.

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish...it'd be the most useful around these parts!

38. Would you move for the person you loved? I have, several times already...not out of state though.

39. Are you touchy-feely? Depends on my mood. Sometimes I just wanna be left the hell alone.

40. What's your life motto? Carpe Diem! (Seize the day)...I should carpe more often...

41. Name three things you have on you at all times: ummm...clothes (except in bed), wedding rings, and my hearing aid.

42. What's your favorite town/city? Hard to say, but I really like Santa Fe, New Mexico.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Groceries.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Well, I wrote that angry letter to my supposed best friend on paper...but I didn't end up mailing it. That was a couple months ago, I think.

45. Can you change the oil on a car? Yep! I can change a tire, too, if I have to...my Daddy made sure I knew how to do both.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? Actually, I talk to him on Yahoo quite often lately. He's doing alright, having a good time being a ladie's man since his divorce. He's such a player! LOL

47. How far back do you know your ancestry? Not very...I don't even know who my great-great grandparents were. Nobody's documented anything in my family as far as I know.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Well, fancy for me would be putting on a dress...I wore a black dress to a funeral a few years ago I guess. Yeah, I don't do "fancy" that much.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Yes, my lower back...thanks to the evil curse of women.

50. Have you ever been burned by love? You betcha.

51. Do you have a crush on any bloggers? Hmmmm....nope, don't think so.

52. Where would you like to live? Somewhere warm and tropical! I hate the freakin' cold!

Tequila Christmas Cake

2006-12-14T00:27:00.000-08:00

Trying to keep my sense of humor lately, and came across this awhile ago. Couldn't help but giggle! We're keeping the vultures back a bit longer, and also keeping an eye out for alternate housing...either for the near future or post-adoption. I'm okay...as always, I'm hanging in there!

Tequila Christmas Cake

Ingredients:

4 Cups of water
1 Cup of butter
1 Tsp baking soda
1 Cup of sugar
1 Tsp salt
1 Cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 Large eggs
1/2 Cup of nuts
1 Bottle of Tequila
2 Cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 Cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 Tsp of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup...just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs, add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 Cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake pan 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.

CHERRY MISTMAS!!

Well, This Really Sucks....

2006-12-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

We're starting to really hate the people that own these apartments we live in now. Ever since we moved in a year and a half ago, we've been paying the rent with the foster care check. The check doesn't come in until around the middle of the month. We've always had rent paid by the 20th, and every month pay a $25.00 late fee. This adds up to an extra $300 a year from us.

Well, new owners took over, and we again made sure to explain our situation and circumstances. "Shouldn't be a problem," they said, "as long as we have your rent by the 16th of every month." Okay, no biggie, right? Apparently not.

Today is the 11th. As of yesterday we still had not received our monthly check. If we don't have the rent by 6pm today, they will be filing for eviction tomorrow morning. If the check doesn't come today, we're fucked. I don't know what to fucking tell these people!! We've been over this and over this every damn month just about.

I really don't want to move yet. I like this apartment, it's nice and big and in a decent neighborhood, around the corner from the high school I graduated from. BUT....the biggest thing I'm worried about is losing the kids because of this!!!! We're so close to having the adoption final, too. These management people just don't realize the problems an eviction will probably cause us. Even if DHS doesn't just take the girls away, it will set us back god knows how long in the adoption process, because if we end up moving we'll have to go through the whole home assessment crap all over again. That's one of the biggest reasons I don't want to move....this place is already approved and all that.

I'm really scared of losing my babies! I don't know if I'd ever recover if that happens. Seriously, I think I'd lose it, big time! Anyone got an extra $600 laying around???

I'm Baaaaaack!!

2006-12-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

YAY!! I've got my internet back!! :) Did ya miss me??

Before I forget, I just want to give my sweet blogger friend April
a big "Thank You!" for the birthday post she did on my birthday December 5th. April, honey...I tried to comment on it, but your word verification isn't showing any words to verify! It only says "visual verification" where the letters should be, so it's not letting me (and by the looks of it, nobody else!) leave comments for you. Couldn't find an email for you to let you know, so I figured you'd see it here sooner or later.

My birthday was pretty good! Can't believe I'm freakin' 35 years old now!!! Good grief... My Mom & Dad took me out to a new chinese buffet restaurant in Yukon that had ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT crab legs and peel-n-eat shrimp. You better believe I ate all I could! I was really hoping to get to go to Red Lobster, but I still got my crab legs! For a lot cheaper too...dinner buffet was $7.99.

I didn't get anything "sparkly and expensive", LOL, but that's okay...I have an anniversary in a couple of months! My Mom got me a couple of Beanie Babies, Stephen King's "Lisey's Story" in hardcover, "Cell" in paperback, Dean Koontz' "False Memory" in paperback, and a hardcover book of stories of true hauntings. MrKB got me a set of snowman jammies and the new Garth Brooks boxed set. I also got a check for $50 from my Grandparents. :) OH! And tonight, MrKB is going to watch the girls while I go out to the casino to spend the $100 he gave me! Woohoo!

Thank you to all of you here and on my MySpace that left me birthday wishes! They all put a smile on my face and made me feel so special and loved!

It's good to be back. :)

May be Offline for a few Days...

2006-12-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

Thought I better get a post in now before I lose my internet connection temporarily. We decided to wait until next weekend to pay the bill, so we can get some Christmas shopping done. It will probably be cut off either tonight or tomorrow night, which sucks 'cuz it means I won't be able to post or check messages on my birthday Tuesday! :( Bummer. Hopefully will have it back next Saturday.

Probably won't be doing much of anything on my birthday. My Mom will most likely take me out for dinner, but that's about it. Gonna get MrKB to buy me something when we go shopping today though! :)

Man....I drank too much tequila Friday night. I mean seriously, WAY too much. I was beyond drunk. MrKB put it the best...he said I was FUBAR. (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition) Yes, I got sick. That hasn't happened in a very long time. Usually I quit long before getting to that point, but nooooo, not that night! Not only did I get sick, but I hurt myself too. Apparently, I fell down several times...one time it seems I fell into the doorframe of our closet in the bedroom and knocked myself out. Either that, or I passed out and fell and hit the doorframe. I have a big ol' knot right behind my ear and my ear itself is very tender to the touch. PLUS, just about the whole right side of my back and my neck is sore as hell. I hurt so bad yesterday that I almost went to the E.R. to get checked out and make sure I didn't break some ribs or something, and to get some pain pills...4 ibuprofens at a time wasn't doing it. I'm still pretty damn sore today, but it's not as bad. I've never actually hurt myself while being drunk before, this is a first. Ain't gonna be drinking like THAT again, for sure! Lesson learned! It's a wonder I wasn't hurt a lot worse. Funny thing was...I didn't have a headache! I never do.

So...how's YOUR weekend going??

Snow!

2006-12-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

Oh, yes...when it finally stopped snowing yesterday, Oklahoma City ended up with a total of 7 inches of snow. That hasn't happened in YEARS. It was still very bitterly cold this morning when MrKB would've been getting ready to go to work. Temps were around 18 degrees, with wind chill of about 9 degrees. He was so glad when work called him and told him not to come in due to businesses cancelling their deliveries! He looked as excited as all the kids who had two snow days in a row must have been! LOL Unfortunately he still had to get out in this crappy weather, since today is payday! Really need to get some groceries, but I think tonight we might just order pizza or something. As long as he swings by the liquor store and picks up some tequila for me, I'll be happy! :)

I think I'm pretty much done with the template now. I just don't know how to go about fixing the titles! Oh well, like I said before, it's only a temporary look anyway. I did expand the pixels some more on the borders, and it at least brings things in from the left some. I thought it looked to squished over there.

Anyway, not a lot going on today...the kids and I are spending the day in our jammies, and I'm doing a whole lotta nothin'! :)

The Holidays are Upon Us

2006-11-30T17:18:00.000-08:00

So, yeah! I've been doing okay, Thanksgiving was great with no stresses! As you can see, I'm working on a new template for the Christmas season. Haven't figured out how to put my blog title in there though. This template didn't provide for it. I know very little about HTML coding, so I'll have to figure it out! Unless one of you geniuses out there can tell me! LOL...I did manage to figure out how to add the comments. They weren't there either at first. Gotta have comments! Otherwise I have no clue if anyone is actually reading the drivel that I write.

Let's see now...I'm over my cold! Yay! Meghan is too, and Destiny didn't ever get it, thank goodness. We put our Christmas tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. Meghan really likes it. She'll smile real big when I plug in the lights in the morning, and throughout the day she'll be walking past it...she'll stop and point at it while saying, "See? Seeeee??" lol

A few days ago I woke up and found little Miss Meghan standing at the foot of my bed!! Yup! Seems she's figured out how to climb out of the Pack 'n Play. It was quite a shock to open my eyes and see her standing there. Not only did she climb out of her bed, but she toddled all the way down the hall and managed to open my bedroom door! It may not have been shut all the way to begin with, but who knows? She still wasn't where she was supposed to be!

The weather here today is atrocious! Just a couple of days ago temps were in the upper 60s and 70s and had been for at least a week. Temps dropped dramatically last night and we had freezing rain. It was snowing this morning when I got up and it snowed all day long. Yeccchhhh!! MrKB took Meghan outside for a minute to see it and she doesn't quite know what to think of it. She didn't like the coldness of it one bit, though! November sure is going out with a bang...

Lots of birthdays in my family lately. My youngest stepdaughter turned 14 on November 10th. My Mom and my nephew both had a birthday on November 24th. My nephew is 3 years old already, I can't believe it!! My Grandmother's birthday is on December 2nd, my niece will be 5 on the 3rd, MY birthday is December 5th! Send presents!! :) My cousin and friend's birthdays are on the 19th, and little Miss Destiny will be 4 years old on New Year's Eve. All those birthdays and I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet!

I used to really love this time of year. It's hard now, though. How do you buy presents for so many with just a few hundred dollars, if that? The Christmas stress has begun! I will manage, don't worry! Won't be anything spectacular gift-wise, but the kids will have to live with it. Yeah...speaking of...I did mention before that my two teenage stepdaughters will be up to visit this year, didn't I? One of them wants a digital camera and has been heavily dropping hints about it. LOL...I should really start shopping in July, but when you live paycheck to paycheck with no credit cards, it just never seems to happen.

Gotta go get started on dinner! Hope y'all are staying safe and warm!! :) Excuse the dust around here while I fine tune the new template!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

I hope y'all have a wonderful holiday! We are just staying home this year and avoiding the stress of which family we spend the day with. MrKB is fixing a turkey and all the trimmings for us and the girls. I, of course, am in charge of clean-up...which is just fine with me! :)

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us to all of you! Be safe!
Myspace Layouts

Nobody Told Me...

2006-11-21T14:15:00.000-08:00

What they thought about the new Blogger Beta. I haven't switched yet, and am still wondering if I should. I just don't know...so any opinions on it are welcome!

Still sick with a cold....unfortunately Meghan has it too. :( Poor thing! BUT, she is up and playing as normal, just is congested and runny nose and all that. She's sleeping more too, of course...which is good for her AND me since I just feel so run down the last few days. It doesn't help that Aunt Flo came to visit at the start of this cold, either. Bah! MrKB has a bit of this cold too, but so far Des is okay. Kids with colds I can handle, even if I'm sick too...but PLEASE oh PLEASE don't let them get throwing-up sick. Ugh! Mine are at the age right now that they'll just let it go wherever they are. Won't be so bad when they're older and can at least make it to the toilet or something.

Guess who just tried to call me a few minutes ago? Yeah...that one friend...the one that was supposed to be my best friend. Matoaka. I didn't answer when her parent's number came up on the caller I.D. She just asked us to give her a call...please. Heh... MrKB talked to her sister the other night. Maybe last night or the night before. She asked him if we'd cut all ties with Matoaka, and he told her about the night she was supposed to come over and didn't. Remember? The one that upset me so much and made me write that letter? Yeah, this is the first time we've heard from her since, and that was before Halloween.

By the way, I didn't end up sending that letter. I'm not sure why. It made me feel a lot better getting it out on here where SOMEBODY could read it, and the fact that so many of y'all understood helped too. I'm not taking it down now, so I suppose if she googled herself she'd find it, but I don't care. If she does, she does...she'll know how badly she screwed up and how she really made me feel. I don't know if we'll return her call or not. Part of me wants to give her one LAST chance to make things right between us. I DO love her and miss her very much...heh, phone's ringing again and it's her....

I know she knows that I'm home. I wonder what she thinks about me not answering the phone?

Anyway, like I was saying...part of me wants to give her one last chance to make things right. But then a lot of me just doesn't want to be hurt again. If I did give her another chance, it would be a very long time before I trusted her. I don't even know if I would ever completely trust her like I did before. And that sucks...

I've spent the last few days finally going through all the pics on my computer and getting them burned to disk. Do you know I had over 2 GB of just pictures?!?! Good grief, I didn't even know I had that many! Hopefully now my computer will run better. Still need to defragment, but I'll do that tonight probably before I go to bed.

That's all I've got for now. Sorry I've been such a sucky blogger lately, I'm way behind on my blog reading too. My heart's just not in it these days. I DO stop by still...even if I don't always comment! Y'all are my friends now, and with you guys, I will be okay! :)

Oh, I've Got Fun Now

2006-11-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

NOT!!

I'm siiiiiiiiicckkkk!!!! :( It seems I have gone and caught my first cold of the season. Joy. Hubby actually asked me today if I wanted to go shopping and I said *gasp!* "No"! He kinda laughed at me and said, "You really DON'T feel good, do you?" Well, duh! The left side of my nose is pretty much constantly stuffed up, and the right side will be running. Ain't that a bitch? It's like my sinuses or whatever couldn't agree on which way to make me suffer more and decided they'd each do one or the other. Every now and then they switch on me just for shits and giggles.

I hope this is just a cold...I've had a little bit of a fever on and off. Do you get fevers with colds?? If you do, what do you do then? Starve the cold or feed the fever??! My throat hurt this morning when I woke up but it's fine now. I HATE having a sore throat with a passion. I don't mind having the worst cold in the world as long as my throat doesn't hurt. Well, I do mind, but you know what I mean. I haven't had much of an appetite either. When I have eaten, you know, 'cuz you're supposed to do that...it hasn't been very much.

Yeah...and this morning when all I wanted to do was sleep, I couldn't, because we had a caseworker coming over and I had to clean the house. That didn't take that long, but I had like zero energy. The caseworker was doing some more paperwork on the home assessment thing for the adoption. I got to read her rough draft of the report and it's all good, no worries there. But you know, she's like one of THREE different caseworkers who've been out for home assessment purposes. She called a few days ago and one of the things she was needing was copies of our driver's licenses and the insurance on our vehicle...we'd JUST given copies of all that to a different caseworker like a week before!!! So of course we're saying "Didn't we just DO that?" I mean, really! Is there not one big file with all the millions of pieces of information we've given to them?? Do caseworkers not talk to each other and compare notes??? I guess not!!

I've said it once, and I'll say it again...I will be SO glad to be done with DHS and caseworkers! I know they're just doing their jobs, but geez louise. I know, I know...it's all going to be worth it in the end, when we can finally say that legally...the girls are OUR daughters! I do know that, and I will continue to do whatever I'm expected to do. It's just been a long, long, rough and trying year and a half. I just can't wait to do a post with the title "ADOPTION DAY!!" LOL

Well....typing this post has worn me out...think I'm gonna go lay back down on the couch and be miserable some more! Right after I kick hubby's snoring ass off of it 'cuz he's laying in the most comfy spot.

*Note to self* You are gonna have a VERY sore nose if you don't go to the store and get some Puffs with Lotion sometime tomorrow. Some Dayquil and Nyquil couldn't hurt either....

I Saved a Stranger's Life Last Night

2006-11-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

It's funny how things happen sometimes. Last night I was playing a game at Pogo.com and chatting with people in the room. This one girl mentioned some problems she'd been having in her life, and that she'd tried to commit suicide back in September. I told her I was very glad she wasn't successful, and then I said, "If you ever get to the point where you are considering it again, just remember that suicide is a very permanent solution to temporary problems." I also said that any time I hear talk of suicide, I am reminded of a line from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". The angel says to Jimmy Stewart, "Each man's life touches so many other lives, that when he's gone, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

We talked for awhile longer, then it was getting late, around 3am, so we all wound down to go to bed. As I was shutting down Pogo, I noticed I had a message...from someone I didn't know. The header line said simply, "Thank you". Out of curiousity I clicked to read it, and this is what I found:

Hello my name is lilaces you don't know me but I just wanted to send you a message and say thank you for the advice you gave to Ornery because three weeks ago my wife passed away and on Tuesday I found out that my mistress had a miscarriage with my baby and I was really thinking about ending my life because I didn't feel I had anything left to live for but you made me realize that what I'm going through is temporary and soon things will get better. SO thanks again and bless you!

Isn't it funny how things work out sometimes? I can't begin to tell you how getting this message made me feel. He never said a single word in the chat room, but took the time to send me this message and let me know. What if he hadn't been in there and seen those simple words I typed to another that ended up meaning so much? What if I had not been there to say them? Would he be just another statistic? Who knows...but it made me feel incredibly good to know that I had helped somebody make the decision to keep living their life, no matter how hard it may be right now. Even from the depths of this depression I've been going through for weeks, I was a bright spot...a beacon...in somebody else's life. Simply amazing!

I replied back to the message with this:

Wow! Oh my goodness, I don't know what to say! I'm so glad you happened to be in the room at the time!! You brought tears to my eyes...thank you for letting me know.

I'm very sorry to hear about the rough times you've been having. I understand, as I've had some of my own lately, for example my mother-in-law being diagnosed with brain tumors and has been through one surgery already with several more ahead of her.

Sorry for the loss of your wife, I know that had to be, and still be, very hard to deal with. I've also been through a miscarriage, and it is painful emotionally as well as physically.

If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message! I'm a good listener. ;) And yes...the stuff you're going through is only temporary! Suicide is a very permanent solution. Hugs!!!

Yeah....then this morning I found this message:

Hey,
I'm glad too it's funny how God works because I was actually going to go straight to bed instead of going on to Pogo but something made me go onto Pogo.
Yeah I'm really upset about the rough times too but besides that it's really hard. I'm sorry to hear about your hard times I hope everything works out and you will be in my prayers.
Yes the death of my wife was and still is very hard because we were together for ten years but married for five she became my everything and we didn't know how sick she was until the day she died so we didn't even have time to prepare for it. It's so hard for me that I can't even go back to our house. And I actually TRIED to kill myself and was sent to the hospital.
But I just want to thank you again and say that you truly are an angel. I will write if I ever need someone to talk to and thanks again! Hugs and kiss

Now, I never claimed to be an angel, LOL....but I guess in this case maybe I was, at least for him. I went to bed thinking of this stranger I'd never met, but who I helped so much without even realizing at the time. I woke up thinking about him too.

I feel good.

So...yeah...

2006-11-14T08:44:00.002-08:00

Hiya....Thanks to those of you who inquired about me! I am fine, just have been pretty down the last couple of weeks, so I didn't want to just blog about depressing stuff. For right now I'm just taking things day by day.

Destiny has taken to peeing in the bed, which frustrates me to no end. She went SO long after going into "big girl panties" full time without having a single accident. I'm talking at least a good couple of months! Now it seems she's wetting the bed every two or three days!! Despite the fact that we've both told her that if she has to pee while in bed, that it's okay for her to get up and go to the potty. I'm at the end of my rope, so starting tonight she'll be back in pull-ups at night. She's not happy about that, but we gave her several chances, then told her that if she wet the bed once more she'd be back in them. Very aggravating...

I still don't have my copies of pics of the kids from Halloween. Need to ask Dad about them. Man, I wish I hadn't forgotten to take my camera with me!

Still haven't heard from my supposed best friend at all. I guess it really is over, as much as it pains me. It's actually a big part of this depression I'm in right now. She was not only my best friend, but pretty much my ONLY friend. I'm so shy that it is very hard for me to make friends, plus it doesn't help that I don't really trust people anymore, due to shit that's been done to me in the past. I'm not gonna go into detail about any of that, but let's just say that the trust wasn't lost overnight. I am usually an optimist, looking for the good in everything and everyone, but now....I just don't know. Heh...I was talking to MrKB the other day, and said to him, "How sad am I that all my friends are in my computer??" He laughed about it, but y'all know what I mean. On my MySpace, I have like 74 friends....several of them are family, but every one of them (with the exception of like Kenny Chesney and Garth Brooks) is somebody I know online one way or another. Well, there are a few from high school, but that's it. In real life? Nobody.

Enough of that. That's exactly why I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. I don't want to sound like a loser who is looking for a pity party!

Anyway....so Blogger keeps telling me to switch to the "new version". I haven't yet because, well, I just don't like changing things I'm used to, and I haven't been too sure about how well it worked. You know, being "beta". How many of y'all have made the switch to the new version? How do you like it? Does it seem to work well? What kinds of new features are there?? I may go ahead and switch if y'all think I should. I just want some of your opinions first.

Not a lot going on with me, really. I've got a boring life! Haven't been able to go out without the kids in quite awhile, since our regular babysitter has been so sick most days due to brain tumors. Just haven't been able to find anyone else to watch them. I sometimes hate being at home all the time. Sometimes I really miss the days when it was just me and MrKB, and if we wanted to go somewhere we could, without worrying about what to do with the kids. I know I'm not the first one to feel like that by any means, and don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back to those days for anything! I waited way to long to be a Mama! Just can't help but miss it sometimes.

So, for now, I leave y'all with a song that kinda says what I've been feeling lately. Please give it a listen!

"Holding Back the Years" by Simply Red

Holding back the years
Thinking of the fear I've had so long
When somebody hears
Listen to the fear that's gone
Strangled by the wishes of pater
Hoping for the arms of mater
Get to me sooner or later

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on

Holding back the years
Chance for me to escape from all I've known
Holding back the tears
Cause nothing here has grown
I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Cause nothing ever could, yeah

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
So tight

I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Cause nothing ever could ohhhh yeahhhh

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
Holding, holding, holding

That's all I have today
That's all I have to say

Music Video:

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T10:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Halloween to all my wonderful blogger friends! Have a safe night! We will be taking the girls and my niece and nephew trick-or-treating. I will be sure to post pictures later! Not sure yet what Meghan will be....either Tigger, a ladybug, or Mickey Mouse. Destiny is going to be Tinkerbell...or "Binkabell" as she says. :)

Happy Halloween Comments for Myspace

Breaking Point

2006-10-29T23:12:00.000-08:00

Do y'all remember back in August when I said I had literally lost my best friend? I'd had a post in draft that I'd started working on, but never finished it or posted it, obviously. It was just one of those things I didn't want to get into too much on here, so I've been quietly dealing with it on my own. Well, no more! What follows is what I wrote to her in a handwritten letter, with thoughts of mailing it to her parents' house, where I know she'd eventually get it. I haven't mailed it yet...it seems I have more stuff to say due to new happenings. Your thoughts and opinions are welcome. Oh yeah, I'm going to include her actual first name. (but not her last because I'm not stupid...I don't wish any harm to her!) I just don't care anymore. Well, that might not be entirely true, but this way if she ever googles herself she'll find this post even if I don't end up mailing this letter to her. Also, the particular incident I refer to in the letter occured just the weekend before I ended up in the hospital with appendicitis. Which by the way, she didn't know about...or MrKB's Mom having her brain tumors...that happened the weekend AFTER my surgery. Shitty few weekends there, lemme tell ya! I'm going to type the letter in red, because it represents how I've felt all this time. I will put additional comments to help explain to y'all various parts in my normal purple color.

Dear Matoaka, October 20, 2006

I'm writing this letter because I've had a lot of things on my mind, and I never seem to have the chance to sit down and talk to you about them. Kinda hard to do anyway since I've only seen you the one time in the past two months. (After she really screwed up royally, we didn't see or hear from her for that long.)

First of all, let me say a few things about what happened that last weekend that you and Nick were here. Now, while we can't prove whether it was you OR Nick who took ALL THE CASH WE HAD LEFT, but we do know that y'all pretty much went straight from here to the dope dealer's house. Also, you told us, "We're going to my Daddy's to see my boys and get some money, then we'll bring back something to eat." Yeah...you never went to your Dad's...he wasn't even expecting you at all! We went by there when we were looking for y'all after discovering the money gone. (We found the money missing only about 30 mins. after they left.) It was over $150.00 by the way!! Your Dad said that you hadn't even called or anything, and that he hadn't seen or heard from you in a few days!

ANYWAY...finally we got ahold of you on the phone...first when we confronted you about the money, you tried to say that "Well, maybe you dropped it somewhere." There was just no possibility of that, since the money was in his (MrKB's) jeans pocket, which were lying beside our bed on the floor where he'd taken them off at. The money was there when he reached in the pocket to get his lighter, and neither one of us touched them again until we went to get money for the pizza guy after y'all left. If it had been "dropped" it would've been right there by our bed. Of course, when we told you this, you were busted! You then said, "I'll call you back." You didn't until a day or two later, and THEN you were full of apologies for this happening and said that you'd try to bring us some money the next day...after that, we didn't see or hear from you again until this last weekend!
(Yeah, and then she says she'd been too embarrassed to call us, and that her boyfriend Nick was "Out of her life...completely out of her life." More on THAT in a bit.)

I've gotta tell you, that I don't trust anyone anymore because of what happened, NOBODY except for my husband and my family. My trust in people was already paper-thin, and then...damn. I've never been so hurt and angry in my entire life!!

Matoaka, you and my husband have been friends for over 20 YEARS...you and I have been best friends for almost 10 years. The way you've acted towards us has made us both feel like our friendship doesn't mean that much to you at all. I guess if we can't do anything for you...namely, get you high...then you don't have any use for us.

Our friendship can MAYBE still be saved, but coming over after being gone for two months, then taking off with some other "friend" is not the way to do it. AGAIN you said you were coming back, and you didn't. I KNEW you weren't going to be back over as soon as he (MrKB) told me that you took all of your stuff with you! That's how it's always been, and I'm tired of it!! If you don't want to come back over, fine, then don't!! Just SAY so. Don't make us get worried that something awful happened to you. Quit making me feel so hurt!

Then, he talked to you on Tuesday. He told me that you PROMISED you'd call back in a bit. Surprise, surprise...Wednesday and Thursday have come and gone, and nothing. (She actually didn't call again until the 27th, a week after I wrote this letter.)

Matoaka, despite everything that's happened, I love you and I want things to be right between us again, but you have to want it too, and right now it doesn't seem like you do. Like I said, showing up at our place for a few hours and taking off somewhere else is not the way to fix it.

It's up to you now. Please, no more lies, and no more bullshit. If we mean anything to you, and you TRULY want to be a part of our lives again, you've got to show some real effort and sincerity. (When she'd finally called after two months, she left messages on our machine begging and crying for us to let her back in our lives.) I can't take being hurt anymore, Matoaka...I just can't. If DECADES of friendship really means anything to you, prove it!! Be a true friend.
~Dana~

(Added October 30th) Well, you've done it again. This time we get a call Friday afternoon from you saying that you and your youngest would like to come over and stay the night, spend some time with us and our girls. We had someplace to go for a couple hours that evening, but told you we'd come by and pick you up after. We get to your parents' house to pick y'all up, and you come out and tell us that you're going to go to some haunted house thing, and is it alright if you come over after? We say, "Fine, ok." You again PROMISED (you even said "Scout's honor"!) and I asked you at least twice if you were definitely coming over, and you said yes, that you'd be there in about an hour and a half. I was still doubtful that you would, but hopeful that maybe this time you would keep your word, and not just blowing smoke up my ass.

By the way, while my husband stood on the porch and talked to you while I waited in the van with the girls, who comes walking by from around the side of the house?? Fucking Nick!! The same one who you claimed was "Out of your life, COMPLETELY out of your life." More lies, apparently. I guess you just love having a guy around that is SUCH good people, with the beating on you and shit. Or is that even more lies? I can't believe anything you say anymore.

So we went back home and waited. I figured you probably wouldn't actually be here in an hour and a half like you said you would, but that was okay. Then it got to be like 1:30a.m. Yeah...I could be pretty much 100% positive that you weren't coming at that point. Of course, true to form, you didn't at least pick up a damn phone and call to say "Change of plans" or SOMETHING. Oh, no...apparently we're not worth the effort of a fucking phone call. Not even a call today! No "I'm sorry I didn't make it, and I would've called but it was very late" or anything.

Do you know how hard I cried last night??? How my heart just felt like it was breaking to a million pieces because my supposed best friend doesn't seem to care at all about anybody but herself?? That she's essentially throwing away the friendship of two people who have cared about her, helped her through rough times, been there for her, and watched her boys grow up?? And for what?! I'm willing to bet real money that it was so you could hang with your "friends" that can get you high. If you're making ME feel this badly, I shudder at the thought of how your two children must feel!

SO...ya know what? FUCK YOU!! I am DONE. I'm NOT doing this anymore. Get your life together and your freaking priorities straight. I'm not helping you anymore. Since you can't be there for me...I'm no longer gonna be here for you. Have a nice life.

Hiya! :)

2006-10-24T11:35:00.000-07:00

Bet y'all have been wondering where I've been, huh? Well, I've been computerless for the last week! Either the battery (I didn't even know computers HAD batteries!) or my motherboard decided to bite the dust...not sure exactly which one yet. Good thing I have my Daddy to fix my 'puter for me when it acts up, otherwise I'm sure I'd be getting ripped off by some shop somewhere! I actually have a different computer now, but it's got my hard drive in it...thankfully it wasn't the hard drive that crashed...I've got tons of pictures of the girls on it from the last year and a half. I haven't had a CD burner so I could put them on disk, but now I do since this computer has one! Yippee!!! Yeah, now I have the daunting task of organizing all the pics and burning them to disk. That should keep me busy for quite awhile!

Anyway....Thank you so much for all the nice comments on the new pictures! :) I knew y'all would like them! And yes, I was absolutely THRILLED to be able to get them done with all four of the girls! My stepdaughters have taken to visiting in the summer one at a time instead of both of them, since they're at the age where they can't stand each other for long. They weren't too bad while they were both here for a week, they bickered quite a bit, but it just reminded me of my sister and me at that age. I couldn't stand my sister then either, and she couldn't stand me. Ah, memories! LOL

Can you believe how tall my youngest stepdaughter is?!? She towers over her sister already, and she's definitely going to be taller than me if she keeps growing. We're both 5'7" now! She's taller than her Mom too....must get her height from MrKB....he's just a quarter-inch shy of being 6'.

The oldest one...I told y'all she's gorgeous! She knows it too, which worries her Daddy to death, especially now that she has a 17 yr old boyfriend! I worry too, but I know that we've got to trust her to make good decisions. When we were in Texas, MrKB caught them making out in her bedroom, and he was NOT happy! (The door was open.) I told him to think back to when we were their age...we did it too! And making out is not the same as actually having sex. He's like, "Yeah, but I'm a guy and I know what guys that age are after!" I said, "Yeah, well, don't mean they'll get it...they didn't from me, and believe me they tried!" (At least they didn't get it when I was 15 yrs old!!) It all comes back to the fact that we're gonna have to trust her.

My Mom-in-law is doing good. She got the staples out the other day (33 by the way!) and stopped by yesterday. She said she felt really good, and I'm glad. Part of her not feeling well was the fact that she's had problems sleeping. She got her first good night's sleep the night before and could really tell the difference in how she felt. She has had a few problems since the surgery, though. Apparently she's lost control of her legs a few times, and has fallen. They give out on her, or she just can't move them. We think that maybe the other large tumor might be being more active now that the one in the front is gone. We just have to hope it doesn't start causing major problems before her next surgery. Doctors are already talking about doing the surgery sometime in November, instead of December, since she's been recovering so well. I know that we will all be glad when the tumors are all gone, but nobody will be as glad as Mom!

Got a call last night from an "adoption transition caseworker", or something like that...she's going to come out for a visit Friday afternoon. Progress is going slowly, but at least it's happening! We've had some visits from different workers that have to do with the adoption already, and we've had our home assessment done. That went good, wasn't much to do since we'd been assessed before to be foster parents to them in the first place. We still need to get our physicals done. We haven't yet since this time we have to pay for it out of our pockets, and we just haven't had a chance to get to the doctor's office. I need to call the doctor anyway, since Meghan needs to have shots. I dread shot time, so have been procrastinating on that too.

That's about all the news I can think of for now! Hope y'all are doing good. Thanks again for the nice comments on the pictures...y'all made me smile! :)

PICTURES!!!

2006-10-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

I know y'all have been waiting (impatiently!) for these pics, so....here ya go! By the way, I've never posted pics of my stepdaughters before. The tall one is actually my youngest stepdaughter...she'll be 14 next month. Shorter one is my oldest stepdaughter...she is 15 going on 25! :)

It's My Blogiversary!!!

2006-10-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

So here I am, one year later! Happy Blogiversary to me! When I started this blog, Meghan was 6 months old. (In the pic above, she's not quite 6 months, but close enough!) I thought having a blog would be a really good way to keep track of her milestones, 'cuz we know that we Moms don't go running for the baby book each and every time, do we?? I have a record on here of firsts I wanted to remember for her baby book, complete with pictures. :) I also started writing this blog to have sort of a record of our adventures in foster parenting and DHS battles. We've had some drama, haven't we? Thanks to all my loyal readers who've been following the whole saga...I know I'm probably really boring at times, but you still come around to visit! :)

Today Meghan is 18 months old, and I can't believe how much she's grown and changed! Time really does fly. She's into everything now, and is starting to get more and more independent every day. She makes me laugh all the time with the funny stuff she does, and it's such a delight to see her discover new things that she can do. :)

As for me, I hang in there...staying sane! (With a little help from Jose every now and then!) A couple days ago I was playing around with my nephew, and ended up kicking our metal chair and damn near breaking my pinky toe! Had to take some pics to commemorate the occasion...

Looks painful, huh? Trust me, it is! It's been two days since I did it and it's still bruised real good and I can't wear my shoes except for flip-flops or my slippers. Then last night we went out to dinner and when Destiny was jumping out of the van, guess where she landed?? Yup, right on my sore foot!!! I clenched my hand around hers real tight when she did it, and I let go of her and told her she better go to her big sister...I was afraid I'd lash out and hurt her! Thankfully she didn't land on the most painful spot, or I wouldn't have still been standing. It made me cry for a few minutes, then we went in to eat and I ordered a great big ol' strawberry margarita to ease the pain! Hehehe...

Waiting for MrKB to get home from work now so we can go and get those pictures done. My stepdaughters go back home to Texas tomorrow, and I'm really going
to miss them! They've been a big help with their little sisters. Every morning this week I've been able to sleep in, and when I got up the little ones were up and dressed and had breakfast! I could get used to that, but alas, the big girls go home tomorrow. :(

Have a great weekend, and a good Friday the 13th! Happy Blogiversary to Me! :)

Mom Is Home! :)

2006-10-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

Mom came home from the hospital today! I was surprised when MrKB told me she would be home, because we were told to expect her to spend at least two weeks in the hospital. Then again, we were told she'd be in ICU for at least 3 days, and she only spent 1 day there...guess Mom was determined to get out of there ASAP!

She is doing very well...much, MUCH more like the Mom we know and love...just now she's a bald Mom with about 37 staples in her head! LOL She's glad to be home, even though she's still in significant pain. She described going through this surgery as "going to hell and back", and is not sure she's going to go in for another surgery to get the rest of the tumors. I guess I can understand her being apprehensive about going through this again, but it's gotta be done! I have a feeling she will end up going, but only because the rest of the family is gonna make her go!

My two beautiful stepdaughters are here for a week! We told Mom and Dave that Patrick and Angelica were gonna HAVE to stay somewhere else for the week, since we'd have ALL FOUR of our girls here, and there's not enough room for six kids in our apartment. MrKB's Uncle has them at least for the week, thank goodness...cooking for six people is bad enough...I don't wanna cook for EIGHT! LOL

It's really nice having the girls here...they are 15 and 13, so we've got built-in babysitters for a week!!! LOL j/k....we don't expect them to spend all their time here babysitting their younger sisters. They did watch them for us for a few hours Saturday night so we could get away for awhile. They understood that we've just been crazy busy having our niece and nephew here for the last six weeks and we haven't had any time for ourselves. Today we just all hung out together at home and really enjoyed each other's company.

One thing we're definitely gonna do while the big girls are here is take them ALL to have their pictures done together. This is the first time we've had all four of our daughters together....before when my stepkids were here, it was always one or the other of them, not both. I can't wait to have a portrait of all my girls!! :)

Finally!!! I Can Report Some Good News!!!

2006-10-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

First, a great big THANK YOU to all of you who kept Mom in your thoughts and prayers!! MrKB, me and our whole family appreciate it more than you could know.

The surgery went VERY well...the tumor they went in after today was about the size of a golf ball, and fortunately had NOT attached itself to any brain tissue whatsoever, which made the neurosurgeons' jobs much easier. Also, as far as can be told right now, it appears to be benign and not malignant as they originally thought. We won't know for certain until after it's been analyzed in the lab. I bet y'all can just imagine our relief!!

MrKB and I didn't get to see her after surgery...she spent a couple hours in recovery and we unfortunately had to leave to pick up her kids from school before she was transferred to ICU. We plan to go back up to the hospital in a few hours after we both get some much needed rest. I'll be sure to update you guys on her condition when I get back. Last we heard, she was still a bit sedated.

THANK YOU again for all the prayers, positive thoughts, and support! You guys ROCK! :)

*update* We didn't end up going back to the hospital to see Mom tonight. She is in a lot of pain right now, and her head is hurting her so badly she has requested complete silence in her room and is not up for a bunch of visitors. We will be going to see her tomorrow after MrKB gets home from work.

It's been a very long, emotionally exhausting day. The kids and MrKB are all in bed now, and I'm going to stay up just a bit longer and enjoy the quiet. :)

Brain Surgery Scheduled!! Please Pray!!!

2006-10-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah...so we just got back a little bit ago from taking the kids up to the hospital to see Mom. Thankfully, she is basically the Mom we all know and love, thanks to getting some much needed necessary medication. She looked great and felt great! A whole 360 degree change from the state she was in Friday evening.

Anyway, we were all there when the neurosurgeon came in to talk to Mom. She will be having surgery on Wednesday morning at 7:30a.m. It is expected to take 4-6 hours. They will be trying to remove the largest tumor on her brain at this time, then she will be in ICU for maybe a week. Then comes about two months of recovery, and after that they will go in for a second surgery on the next tumor. The largest one is in the front of her head and is the one causing most of her problems right now so it is the one they want to address first.

I am so scared, y'all. I may come across as being strong, and maybe I am...but inside I am just a scared little girl who's falling to pieces! There was a guy the same age as I am (34) who just passed away after having brain surgery for cancer. He went into a coma and never came out of it. I am absolutely terrified of this happening to Mom!

Please, PLEASE...pray to whatever God, Goddess, or whoever you believe in, and if you can get anyone you know to pray for a perfect stranger, please do!! It means so much to us and our family...THANK YOU!

Okay...I think I'm gonna break down and cry....I don't feel very strong right now.

More Stuff on Mom...

2006-10-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

Mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance on Friday...Aunt found her unresponsive so called them. She came around a little, and went through another CT scan and MRI. They showed little to no change in the tumors, but she had some fluid build up in her head. When asked by two different neurologists what year it was, both times she said "2007" and then "2009". She also thought Gore was the President. It was an emotionally exhausting day for us, as we spent most of it there at the E.R. waiting to hear some sort of news on Mom's condition.

She was admitted to the hospital again, and on Saturday was doing much better. It turned out she'd also been having mild seizures, and after being given 1000 mg of Dilantin, along with anti-nausea and pain meds she was a lot more herself. She at least on Friday recognized most of us who were there...all her brothers and sisters, their spouses, MrKB, me and her husband, and even my Daddy came up there. When she recognized MrKB and he went to give her a hug, they both started crying and just held each other for a long time. It took all I had not to break down myself...I'm fighting the tears now as I type this. I couldn't have asked for a better mother-in-law and I love her so much that sometimes it feels like it's my own Mom who's so sick!

Anyway, she is going to have surgery...we will find out today exactly when, and they are going to try and remove three of the tumors and relieve some of the pressure on her brain. One of them is in the occipital part of the brain, or on the occipital nerve...I can't remember...which would explain the problems she's been having with her vision. When she goes for this surgery, she will need the prayers and positive thoughts more than ever y'all. Brain surgery....damn....it scares me so much!!! I'm so scared she won't make it through, or she will but won't know any of us anymore or worse.

Her kids are still with us. We sat them down over the weekend and let them know just how sick she really is...we told them about the tumors, the surgery, everything. We didn't want to be the ones to tell them, but we felt it was time for them to know. We didn't want the worst to happen, and lose Mom without them having a clue, it would just make things worse. So now they know, and they know that there's the possibility she might not make it through the surgery itself, though we told them that's the case with any surgery. We told them to pray and send out positive thoughts, and that she has a lot of people thinking of her, praying for her, and that the angels are watching over her too. My niece cried some, but my nephew didn't...he asked a lot of questions, and you could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he processed all this information. He's got a way of trying to sort things out logically as he tries to make sense of things. I don't think it will really hit him until he actually sees Mom in the hospital himself. They are going to see her today sometime.

We were going to take all the kids to see her on Saturday, but some asshole slashed a tire on our vehicle, and the only spare we had was a tire that was already bad and separating. Oh, MrKB was PISSED, lemme tell ya! I was not happy either, of course. I mean, geez...what else is gonna be dumped on us?!? We don't have any extra money floating around for crap like this! We had to go to Wal-Mart anyway, and we checked tire prices while there...cheapest one was close to $51, and now we needed two. Mentioned it to my Mom yesterday on the phone, and even though my folks are pretty cash strapped right now theirselves, she insisted on getting the tires for us, because after all, her grandbabies ride around in that vehicle! At least she could put them on her credit card...all we use is cash, no credit cards here.

Long sigh....

I do have a bit of good news though! MrKB talked to his Dad yesterday, and he is doing pretty good right now. His doctors say his cancer is doing better...it's slowed down significantly, which is good. He said his legs are the only thing really bothering him right now, but that is from diabetes and not the cancer. He was in good spirits and he and MrKB talked on the phone for quite awhile. They usually don't talk more than a few minutes usually.

MrKB also talked to his daughters in Texas for awhile too. He told them what's been going on with Mom, so now they know also. He says my oldest stepdaughter sounded upset when he told her, but the youngest started crying on the phone. The good news is that they are fixing to be on their Fall Break from school next week. MrKB talked for a long time to his ex-wife also (which is just about unheard of! LOL) and told her what's been going on...she said she wondered about the smaller child support payments that she'd received, though she wasn't concerned. Well, SHE'S the one that mentioned the girls were going to be out of school, and said that we could come get them so they could spend the time with us here in Oklahoma! She said she wants them to get to see their Grandma too...which in itself was a shock...long story short, she's never wanted to allow them to see her before. MrKB's Mom has almost NO relationship whatsoever with them due to some falling out between her and their Mom when the girls were very little. At any rate, we will be traveling down to Texas to pick them up probably this next Saturday. :) We will have them for maybe a week, we're not sure yet.

Hey Monica!!! We could maybe meet up somewhere when we pick them up, or maybe when it's time to take them back home. Email me if you think you wanna... We could do lunch! :)

As for me, I'm still hanging in there...

On Being a Mom...

2006-09-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

I found this the other day over at my friend Bekah's, and I just had to repost it here myself. I'm also gonna show y'all the newest pics of my girls along with it.

On Being a Mom

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?"

That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her! That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be running into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However, decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her children accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms.

May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

Now, with all that being said...here are the ones that are deeply in my heart, even if they didn't come from my womb...I am still the one they know and call "Mommy."
Enjoy these new pictures, taken just two days ago. :)

Look how much she's grown since her 1st birthday back in April! Size 18 months clothes barely lasted her the summer, she's already getting into 2T's! Good thing she's got hand-me-downs from big sister Destiny. :)

Damn...

2006-09-26T19:48:00.000-07:00

I went over to my Mom's for a bit and left MrKB home with four kids by himself for a change. It's SO quiet over there! But when I got home, there was more bad news about his Mom.

Apparently, today she's had the worst day yet. She again is not able to see, and now she's lost control of her bowels, which I imagine means her body is starting to shut down. She still has no medical care whatsoever....it's like the ER can tell her, "Well, you've got some tumors in your head and looks like you have lung cancer too, but other than telling you about it we can't really help you since you have no money." Such bullshit! I wonder how many people die waiting like she is to MAYBE get some help.

They had applied for emergency Medicaid with a referral from a doctor MrKB's Aunt has been seeing for her own cancer...get this...Mom's husband makes just $200/month too much for her to qualify!!!!! I'm so mad, and sad, and upset that I just want to SCREAM!

They've been married for over 17 years and are going to DIVORCE just so Mom can get some medical care. Ain't that a bitch?? I can't believe this country...it's just freakin' unbelievable that citizens of a country as rich as ours suffer like this. I really hope the next President we have does something about it.

This much we DO know...if she doesn't get treatment, she's been given about two months to live. Which means she wouldn't make it to her next birthday in December, or Christmas, or to see the girls be adopted.

Damn....I feel so helpless....

Wow...10 Days Already??

2006-09-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

Since my last post?? Damn, I HAVE been busy, haven't I? It's a wonder my head is still attached to my shoulders, 'cuz I feel like a chicken running around with its head cut off these days.

First of all...Mom...yeah...not looking good. She is still feeling really bad most of the time and still gets headaches. She sleeps a lot. There's also been additional...ummm...I guess you'd call them "symptoms". One day she couldn't see anything. Not like total darkness not seeing, but she couldn't tell what ANYTHING was. She's also been having a lot of double vision. Also, one day our Aunt who she's staying with found her passed out in the sink in the bathroom. She's been doing strange things too....like the day she just suddenly got up from the couch out of a dead sleep and went to walking around outside. When our Aunt asked her what she was doing, she looked dazed and confused as she said, "I don't know."

Still no official date for any kind of surgery. We're still waiting for financial assistance...docs won't do anything until then. Found out just one surgery is going to cost a MINIMUM of $100,000!! That's right. One. Hundred. THOUSAND. Good grief! Yeah, and while we wait, she gets worse. Prayers and good vibes are desperately needed, y'all! I'm so worried that something terrible will happen and we'll lose her before she can get the help she needs to possibly get better. (Odds of her getting completely better are slim, I know, but we're not ready to let her go yet. I want her to be able to be around to see these girls be adopted, for one thing.)

Her kids are still here with us. It's been 3 weeks as of last Thursday, and I'm ready for them to go home. I love them dearly, but they aren't my kids and I've got enough to deal with already. Don't get me wrong, I will help out and take care of them as long as I'm needed. I do it because I love my Mother-in-law. Doesn't mean I have to like it though.

NOW...moving on...looks like finally something else is happening with the adoption process. We have a caseworker coming out to the house on Thursday for the home assessment. Which means I will be cleaning like a mad lady over the next couple of days. There is a problem, though. A few days ago the ceiling in Des' room starting leaking. Turns out a hot water heater from another apartment was leaking and traveled down to our place. (didn't come from directly upstairs either, go figure.) So right now there's a giant hole in the ceiling where the maintenance man cut out sheetrock, and there's a nasty smell in the room now. I'm guessing they're gonna have to pull up the carpet in her room now and replace it. I am going to talk to the manager after I pick the kids up from school and let her know we're having the home assessment done on Thursday, so they need to get people here to fix this shit a.s.a.p. We can't even let Destiny sleep in her room right now, much less play in it because it stinks so badly. I hope this doesn't cause problems with things as far as the adoption goings on.

That's the major news in my life right now....I'm just taking it day by day, trying to hold on to my sanity.

I'm Still Alive...

2006-09-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

Though I am freaking EXHAUSTED!

MrKB's Mom has been sick every day since she went to the hospital. She spent a couple of days in the hospital while doctors ran a crapload of tests, and then basically kicked her out for not having insurance. So she's still been staying with MrKB's Aunt and Uncle, and we are all just waiting to hear SOME sort of news. We don't even know the results of all the tests!! She is supposed to see a different doctor today, so hopefully I'll have something new to report soon...I dunno.

Her kids have been living with us for just over two weeks now, and I don't know how long they will continue to stay with us. They keep asking when they will go back home, and all we can tell them is that we don't know. In the meantime, I have been the one taking them back and forth to school, which I hate, because it means I have to be up way earlier than I'd like...especially on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because my nephew has tutoring before school and has to be there at 7 freaking 30 a.m.! Bleh!!! I not only have to get those two up and ready every morning, but there's my own two also, because of course I have to get them dressed and load 'em up in the carseats and take them along.

Cooking for six people every night really sucks too....especially since I HATE to cook, and ordering out is not an option since MrKB missed so much work the last couple of weeks. His paycheck last week was only $37 after taxes and child support got taken. I hate being so broke....we've actually started arguing about money lately...something we've never really done before.

My niece was a brat yesterday morning and royally pissed me off. She's grounded today because she ended the day pissing me off as well. Not a good idea to majorly piss me off first thing in the morning, and then for her to go and do it right before bedtime...GRRRRR! I tell you what, those two had better wise up and QUIT FUCKING LYING TO ME about all kinds of stuff!!! They've both been caught in lies every time they've tried and still haven't got a clue. And now they wonder why I don't believe a word out of their mouths! Well, duh!! I will ask questions of your teachers when it comes to school....I WILL find out the truth of whatever the situation is, so make all our lives easier and just tell the truth in the first place, kiddo...even if you get in trouble, you'll be in a lot less than you would be if I find out you lied to me!

Oh yeah...she also got completely banned from picking Meghan up for any reason for a long, LONG time. Remember when she dropped her while trying to put her over the baby gate?? Well, the other night her and Meghan were both in here in the living room playing. Niece kept picking her up every 2 or 3 minutes even after being repeatedly told not to pick her up so much by both me and the hubby. Well, she kept doing it, and ended up dropping her AGAIN...This time on her head!! The back of it, but still. (Meghan is okay, thankfully, but lord how she screamed!) Oh, she was in SO much trouble!

My nephew hasn't been too bad the last few days...but then again, he's been grounded for almost a week now. Grounded in our house is a whole lot different than it is at his Mom's house! All he's been allowed to do is stay on his bed and read. Period. No TV, no video games, nothing. We'll see how long the good behavior lasts when he's ungrounded...but he still won't have his video games since he is already FLUNKING the 5th grade and it's still just the first quarter!! The boy has a 28 average in math!! He brought home math homework Monday night, and he sat at the table for 4 freaking hours and didn't get a single problem done!! He refuses to seriously TRY to even do it...and it's not math that is all that hard...it was division, like 32 into 2,348 or something. Math is not all he's failing...the only real passing grades he has are in Music and Gym for fuck's sake. Yeah, so no video games until his grades are all brought up to at least a C average. D's are not acceptable any longer. (They never were to my parents at all, but his have let them slide since they were at least passing grades.)

Top it all off with not having sex lately, thanks to a particularly nasty yeast infection from all the antibiotics that were loaded into my body after surgery. TMI, I know! Yeesh...I haven't had one in years, and MrKB and Aunt BOTH had to go and say I might get one 'cuz of the antibiotics, so I blame them!! Fun stuff.

Sorry if it seems I'm just complaining in this post. I am tired. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, and it's got me in a funk big time. I'm frazzled, stressed, worried about Mom-in-law, and just life in general sucks.

I'm glad today is Friday...I'm SO finishing off that tequila that's in my freezer tonight!

2,996 My Tribute In Honor and Memory of Daniel Lugo

2006-09-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001 is a day that will never be forgotten in the minds of many Americans...or the world. "2,996" is a project that was started to bring bloggers together to honor each one of the victims of that awful day. I am proud to be a participant, and to share what little I know of Daniel Lugo, who perished in the World Trade Center at age 45. Parts of this tribute are my own words, and parts are from information I was able to find about Daniel online. My words will be in purple. I've never done something like this before, so please forgive me if I'm not particularly eloquent!

I Remember
Daniel Lugo,45
World Trade Center

DANIEL LUGO
World Trade Center

TOO PROUD NOT TO WORK

Daniel Lugo's asthma was acting up, and his physician had detected the advent of prostate cancer and was debating the most effective course of treatment. Everybody gave him the same advice: leave his job as a Summit security guard at the World Trade Center, and concentrate on getting healthy. But Mr. Lugo, 45, didn't listen.

Instead, he switched from the night to the day shift on Sept. 10 and asked his supervisors to give him lobby duty rather than the usual spot shifts throughout the towers. That was his only concession to his iffy health. He told his sister Eneida Lugo that he had no intention of dozing on the living room sofa collecting disability: "I'm a man," he said, "I need to work."

She cannot remember a time when he was not industrious on all fronts: back in Puerto Rico, their mother had taught him to cook, clean, and fend for himself. A bachelor until a few years ago, when he met his wife, Olga, at a Pentecostal church in Upper Manhattan where he served as a pastor, Mr. Lugo kept up with his mother's lessons. "He even did his own laundry," Mrs. Lugo said. "He was taught that you don't depend on anybody else."

But anybody could depend on him, his sister said.

Profile published in the NEW YORK TIMES on October 12, 2001.

Unfortunately, this was the best as far as information about Daniel that I could come up with...Most sites with his name were lists of all of the victim's names. I did see one place where a couple of people who had known Daniel commented. One gentlemen commented that he had worked with him years before, and remembered him as a kind and gentle soul, who always had a smile on his face.

*edit* I thought there MUST be more I can find out about Daniel, so I did a little digging. I was able to determine that Daniel had a twin brother, David, who misses him terribly. I cannot imagine the pain he must have felt, losing his mirror image. Twins have an extra special bond, and I know that Daniel is probably up in heaven watching over his brother and all his family.

Dear Daniel,
From what little I know about you, I'm sure that I would have been proud to know you, had we ever met. I hope that you are happy wherever you are now, and that you are at peace. Thinking of you during this time...you are not forgotten!
Love,
MamaKBear

*The site for Project 2,996 has unfortunately been shut down due to traffic. Please click here for the complete list of links for all the tributes.*

*please note* This is a sticky post...it will remain at the top for about a week, so it will be easy for other participants in 2,996 to find. Other current posts are below. Thank you for stopping by!

Remembering September 11th

2006-09-11T07:53:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2001...it goes down in my mental memory bank as a day in my lifetime to never forget. Has it really been five years since that terrible day??

It was kind of weird, really, for me. I am from Oklahoma City, born and raised, and on the day of the OKC Bombing, I was in bed asleep when it happened. My Mom called early in the morning (early for me, since I worked evenings) and told me to turn on the news. Fast forward to September 11th, it was the same thing! My husband and I were both asleep in bed, and once again Mom called and told us to turn on the news. Talk about deja vu!

We turned on the TV to see the first tower had been hit, and we were just incredulous to hear that an airplane had slammed into it. I remember thinking it must be some sort of freak accident...but then...as we watched on live television, the second tower was hit. It was then that I knew that it was no accident. I got the same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had six years before on the day of the OKC bombing. The same helpless feeling. The same scared-to-death-omg-I-can't-believe-this-is-happening feeling. It's a feeling I hope to never have to feel again!

Like the rest of the nation, and then the world, I spent the rest of the day glued to the images I was seeing on the TV. I thought about a friend of mine...one I only knew online, who at the time was living in New Jersey. I could only imagine the chaos he must be witnessing as people made their way across the Hudson River and streamed into New Jersey. I remember watching in absolute horror as people started to actually JUMP to their certain deaths from high up in the towers. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the desperation these people must have been feeling to do such a thing. And then...my husband and I, holding hands so tightly our fingers were surely turning white, watched as the first tower fell...and then...the second one. I remember thinking, "My God...the New York skyline will never be the same...New York, America, the WORLD will never be the same!

And we're not. Just as I'd witnessed in Oklahoma City, people immediately came to the aid of their fellow human beings. They came together....to help....to mourn....and to heal. At the time of the OKC bombing, New York reached out to us, sending in crews to help in the search for survivors. This time, it was our turn to help, in any way we could. It always amazes me to see people come together in situations like this. To help, give, and heal...with no thought, and no hesitation....no concern over it being just another stranger, or to race, or religion. In situations like that fateful day in September, it's about compassion for fellow human beings. I see that happening, and I wonder...WHY can we not have peace in the world??

On this day, I remember. I remember Mr. Daniel Lugo, whose tribute you see above is my small part in the project "2,996" which has brought bloggers from all over the world together, each to honor one specific victim with a tribute in their memory. I hope I did Daniel justice with mine. I also remember each of the 2,995 others who were lost on this day five years ago. My heart goes out to each and every one of their friends and family on this difficult anniversary.

Join me in remembering, won't you?

Update.

2006-09-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Mom went into the hospital on Monday. They were going to put her in ICU but decided to give her a regular room for now so that family can come and visit her. We still don't know very much, and they haven't done any surgeries on her yet, possibly will be doing one on Friday. From what I've heard from what MrKB's found out, there is even more than the 3 masses already found. He talked to her this morning, and she herself doesn't know anything. The hospital has been running like a gazillion tests on her, and still has tests to run, but they haven't been telling her the results of any of them. She says her doctor keeps beating around the bush about it, and it's pissing her off. I don't blame her! The not knowing would drive me insane. She talked to the hospital administrator and told him that she can't take the being kept in the dark and that she wants to know everything step by step, not when they finally finish all the freaking tests.

I don't think I've ever had a more stressful few weeks in my life. Hubby is still quite upset, and has broke down a couple times. I haven't cried much yet...I feel like I need to be the strong one this time, for him. He actually said at one point while in tears, "I'm not ready to lose my Mama." He's NEVER called her Mama in all the time we've been together! It really broke my heart to hear my husband, who has always been so strong for me, sound like such a lost little boy! All I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold him close. I can't fix this for him, and I hate it!

On top of everything else, we still have her kids staying with us. Two extra kids (ages 10 and 9) and that means more food to buy...more laundry to do...more overall aggravation. They don't have any idea what all is going on yet, we haven't told them. All they know is that Mom is sick and has to be in the hospital for a bit. I'm guessing they'll be staying with us indefinitely. They have school, and their Dad goes to work hours before they leave and gets off work hours after they get out. Then of course Mom needs him with her at the hospital as much as he can.

Insert big sigh here...

Oh yeah...I got the first couple of bills from my own hospital stay...$866 for anesthesia?!!? WTF?? and something like $349 for the CT scan they did on my belly. Already over $1,000 worth of bills, and that's not counting the ones I'll be getting from the hospital itself....or the doctors....Good grief.

Please...we need all the prayers we can get!! And if you wanna send me money, that helps too! (only halfway joking there...but I don't expect it, really! This is definitely a time when I wish there was such a thing as a Money Tree!)

Anyway, I'll let y'all know when I know....Thank you all for the comments on my last post! Oh, and I'll let you know about the drama filled weekend, sometime soon...that happened the one BEFORE I had my surgery. It was a doozy, lemme tell you. I've had a post about it in draft, but I haven't got around to finishing it yet. I will tell you this much...I literally lost my best friend.

How Much More???

2006-09-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

As if we don't have enough drama in our lives already...this weekend is a good example of irony. You know last weekend I spent it in the hospital getting an appendectomy. (I am doing fine, still a little sore, and still can't pick up Meghan or even vacuum the floor, but I'm healing well.) We were supposed to watch my Mom-in-law's kids that weekend, and she ended up watching ours (again!) instead. I felt SO guilty, you wouldn't believe!

Well, THIS weekend, we have her kids so she could have a garage sale without them underfoot. Last night SHE went to the same hospital E.R. that I did, because she has had a horrible headache for two days that she couldn't get rid of. We thought it might be stress, but the doctors there discovered THREE tumors in her head!! MrKB is down right now at his Aunt's house where she spent last night and apparently the family has decided he's the one that should make any of Mom's medical decisions. The doctor wants to talk to him...I'm not sure if it's the one she saw at the E.R. or the neurosurgeon she's going to see on Tuesday.

Don't know if y'all saw the irony of the situation...I just found it ironic that just last weekend she watched our kids while I went to the E.R. and this weekend we are watching hers while she went to the same E.R. She would be staying in the hospital too, but they didn't have any beds available. I guess I lucked out last weekend.

All I know so far is about the 3 masses that were found in her head, and apparently the doctor is wanting MrKB's Aunt and Uncle to wake her up every two hours and check on her.

My question is how much more are we going to have to deal with??? Besides the stuff with the girls, we've also been dealing with watching MrKB's Dad battle cancer. We've watched him deteriorate A LOT in the past year, and don't expect him to make it much past Christmas. Found out recently that MY Granddad has lung cancer...MrKB's Aunt (the same one taking care of Mom now) has also been battling cancer for awhile now. She is stage 4 and doctors don't give her much time left either, but to look at her you wouldn't have a clue she's even sick! So that's 3 people close to us...Now this with Mom! No idea yet if these tumors are cancerous or benign...let's hope they're benign, and they can get them out.

This all just really sucks...and I'm scared.

*edit* Yeah, so he just came back home to let me know what's up....It's definitely fucking cancer...not only in her brain, but apparently her lungs too, which is where the doctors think it started. My poor hubby is trying so hard to keep himself together. Now he has BOTH parents with a cancer diagnosis, and it doesn't look good for either one of them.

Spent My Weekend in the Hospital

2006-08-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

Yep, me. In the hospital! Friday I woke up to my belly hurting, and it hurt all day long. Wasn't getting any better, and wasn't a pain I'd had before. Finally, that evening we decided maybe I better go to the E.R. Good thing I did...turned out to be acute appendicitis, and I had my appendix removed around midnight Saturday.

First surgery I've ever had, and I also ended up staying a couple days in the hospital afterwards. My white blood cell count was highly elevated and they had me on IV antibiotics. Besides my appendix being swollen and close to the point of bursting, I also had an infection. Fun weekend...NOT!

I'm at home now, and recovering...just wanted to post real quick and let y'all know. I'll be ok...MrKB is taking off of work tomorrow and was due for his vacation the first week of September, so he's going to see if he can just go ahead and start it early, so he can take care of the kids while I recover from surgery. I can't pick up Meghan or anything right now, which sucks...she doesn't like it either.

Hope y'all had a better weekend than me!

I am SO Freakin' Excited!!!!

2006-08-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

So excited I almost can't stand myself!!

Yesterday I was over at MySpace just passing some time....I was bored, so decided to do a search of a couple names of people I know and haven't been in touch with for awhile. First couple I came up with nothing...then I put in the name of a cousin of mine who lives in Maine. I've googled him several times over the years, hoping to find out what happened to him. We lost touch years ago, and it always made me sad.

Well, I FOUND HIM!!!!! That's not the best part, though! We talked until 2:30 am on Yahoo last night, just kinda catching up. We talked about him coming to visit me here in Oklahoma sometime, and he goes "Well, I have the next 11 days off with nothing to do until school starts again." Next thing I knew, we were both checking flight prices online, and then he actually booked a flight, printed out his ticket, and WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!! This is BIG, y'all!! Do you realize it's been 21 YEARS since we've seen each other????

Damn, I'm excited!!! I can't freakin' wait!! We're gonna have a blast together!

Yeah, I Know...

2006-08-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

I pretty much suck at posting with any kind of regularity lately...but I try! Really I do! The last few days I've been over at MySpace messing around making a new layout. Check it out if you wanna, I'm pretty proud of myself, 'cuz the background pic on the layout code didn't work...it had been removed due to high bandwith usage, so I did my own. I also made my own Contact Table and Online icon thing. I SO rock! LOL I've actually been learning a little bit about HTML stuff while trying different things. You can see my page here and I had so much fun doing mine, that I made an account for MrKB and did a page for him also, that you can see here. Please take a look and let me know what you think! I also made the Contact Table on his, too, as well as the Extended Network banner and the background. Yep, I'm proud! :) (Plus if you go look you'll get to see pics!)

So, anyway...I was reading a few blogs, and I've been seeing lately quite a few bloggers with a button in their sidebar saying they are honoring a particular person who was a victim of September 11th. Chris is the latest one I noticed, so I decided that I would participate also. I will be honoring Daniel Lugo with a post of my own on September 11th. He was 45 years old at the time he was killed at the World Trade Center.

The idea behind this project is to have one blogger post for each of the victims of that day. There were 2,996 victims, so we'll need 2,996 bloggers to commit to posting about a certain person that lost their life. I was number 1,881 to sign up, so we still need a lot more to get involved. Such a simple thing to do, won't you sign up too?? You can go here to read the blog that's been set up about this touching tribute project, and go here to sign up for your own tribute. See my cool button over there ------> with my links in the sidebar? You can get one of those for yourself too. C'mon, y'all...it won't take a lot of time or effort! Please join us in remembering those who died!

As an Oklahoman, from Oklahoma City, who will never forget April 19, 1995 when the Murrah Building was bombed, New York and September 11th touched me deeply, and I am honored to be a part of this project. Won't you be, too?

Adoption...

2006-08-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

No...not my adoption of the girls, I don't have any news on that other than I finished the paperwork for the "application for adoption" and got it sent in. Now I hurry up and wait. Andy's foster parents' lawyer says this should all be done by the end of the year. So hopefully by Christmas, they will be ours forever!

All this adoption stuff has got me to thinking about my own. You see, the man I call "Daddy" is not my biological father. Even so, he is definitely Daddy! He's been there for me since I was younger than Meghan is now, and he means so much to me. He adopted me when he and my Mom got married, and gave me his last name. His is the name on my birth certificate where the Father's name goes.

I've known since I was a kid that he wasn't my biological father. My Mom told me that the man who got her pregnant when she was 19 took off when she told him, and never wanted anything to do with me. She's even told me that when I lost my hearing in my good ear at 10 years old she got in touch with him to try and find out some medical history, and she says that he STILL didn't want anything to do with me, 10 years later.

Forgive me if this post doesn't always make sense. I've just got these thoughts going around in my head, and I'm trying to get them out.

Anyway....so I'm grown up now...34 years old and have never met my biological father. He's never contacted me. I don't even know if he's tried to find me, but he's got a better chance of finding me than I do him. Why? Because my Mom REFUSES to give me any information about him other than his name is "David" and he had red hair. That doesn't help in a search, that's for sure.

Believe me, I've TRIED several times to get her to give up more information, but she just won't!! She's stubborn and has her reasons, I suppose, but I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW!! She told me one time when I was asking her that it would really hurt my Daddy if I was to go looking for biodad. So a bit later I sat down with Daddy and talked to him about it. Maybe it hurt him a little to know that I wanted to know, but he didn't show it, and he told me he understood. He said that he thought it might hurt my Mom more. He gave me his blessing, but he wouldn't give me any information about biodad either. He might honestly not know though...but he said it wasn't his place to tell me, that it was something my Mom had to do.

I don't know.

It makes me angry with my Mom. Why can she not see and understand that I need to know? I have the right to know where I "come from". My biological roots. I don't look like my sister at all, and only a little like my Mom. My sister is lucky, by the way, Daddy IS her biodad...so she KNOWS where she comes from. Half of my family tree I'm only related to by marriage!

I wonder if I look like him....I wonder if I have other brothers or sisters out there somewhere...I wonder if they know about me...I wonder if he ever thinks of me, or regrets not knowing me...I wonder if he's ever tried to find me. (I've spent hours on adoption search boards though, and have never found anyone looking for me.)

Trying to get my original birth certificate would be difficult. Adoptions are closed here in Oklahoma...at least ones from when I was born. To get my original certificate, I would have to go to the courts and try and get my records opened. If it ever comes to that, I will, but I hope it doesn't.

My Granddad is not my Mom's biodad either, but at least she KNOWS who hers is...though I've heard stories that he's not a nice man at all. But still, she knows.

It's not her right not to tell me. I should be able to make the decision of whether or not I want to contact him. And if I do, and I find out myself that he doesn't want a relationship with me, so be it. I just want the chance to know.

My girls will know they are adopted when they are old enough to understand. I will tell them who their bioparents are and how they came to be adopted. I don't want them to find out on their own when they're teenagers or something that the people they know as their Aunt and Uncle are actually their parents, and Mom and Dad are really their Aunt and Uncle. I know that if I grew up and found out something like that it would make me very angry. Being partially adopted myself, I feel they have the right to know. Right now, of course, they aren't old enough to understand.

Ugh...Every time I get to thinking about this, I get mad at my Mom. I've tried MANY times to get her to give me information, but it gets me nowhere. She just can't, or won't, see things from my point of view. I'm thinking about asking my Grandmother, but I don't know if she'll tell me either. Can't hurt to ask.

Thanks for listening to my vent....it's been on my mind for awhile lately, and I needed to get some things out.

Horses Need Help!

2006-08-09T12:38:00.001-07:00

I came across this post over at Kidd's about Blaze's Tribute, an Oklahoma-based non-profit horse rescue group. She received the following email from them this morning:

Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue
August 8, 2006

Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue, Inc. is a non-profit Organization that strives to improve Neglected, Starved, and Abused Horses' Lives. We provide Equine Rescue regardless of age or disability. We provide Rehabilitation, Education, and Adoption Services. We promote and teach horse care and humane, natural methods of training for horses.

EMERGENCY REQUEST FOR DONATIONS!

We are in desperate need of donations. We are currently caring for 32 horses at this time. Hay prices continue to increase. Unfortunately, with the drought-like conditions, more and more horses are being neglected and leaving us at full capacity. Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue is currently spending $440.00 a week on 8 Round Bales of Bermuda Hay, and $210.00 a week on 1 ton of Grain. We have limited funds available to barely meet our feed needs, therefore, many medical conditions are left untreated due to the lack of funding. We are extending an Emergency request for Donations in order to get us through the remainder of the summer. Please consider sending any amount possible, as anything will be greatly beneficial and much needed.

We also request that you share this with all your friends and family. Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue needs Donators, but we also need Adopters. We have many wonderful horses available for immediate adoption. Please tell everyone that you know that may be seeking to add a horse in their family to come visit us. You can view all of our horses available for adoption online at: http://blazesequinerescue.com. You can also place your donations online through PayPal.

Donations can be mailed to:
Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue
17667 Markita Drive
Jones, Oklahoma 73049

Remember, all donations are tax deductible according to the current IRS regulations. Donations of Hay or Grain are also accepted and welcomed. You may contact Natalee or Shawn Cross at 405-399-3084 or 405-615-5267 or e-mail at blazesequineresc@aol.com.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT! BLAZE'S TRIBUTE EQUINE RESCUE, INC. WOULD NOT BE WHAT IT IS TODAY WITHOUT YOUR ASSISTANCE. TOGETHER WE CONTINUE TO SAVE HORSES IN NEED DAILY.

"SUCCESS COMES ONE BIT AT A TIME."

I wish I could send them something to help out! Best I can do for now is spread the word. MrKB has always wanted to get a couple of horses of our own someday...they are his favorite animal! Until we have a house and not an apartment, that will be impossible. Please help these people if you can, and pass the word along!

Difficult Anniversary...

2006-08-08T02:10:00.000-07:00

August 8, 1993...that was one of the worst days ever in my life...the day I miscarried the baby that took a year to conceive. I was about 2 months along, and lost it in the waiting room bathroom of the ER, since this particular hospital had me waiting over FIVE hours to even be seen. (My Dad was furious when he found out!)

So, yeah...It's been 13 years since that day, and it's still very painful. More so considering I haven't been pregnant since.

Excuse me while I go cry now...

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!

2006-08-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

Life gets in the way sometimes, doesn't it? Sorry for the lack of updates since my last post! I am here now, and have been catching up on reading your blogs. Takes quite awhile to go through that blogroll of mine!

Anyway, part of my absence was due to things beyond my control. My friend's boyfriend updated some software on my computer. I was running Windows98se, and he installed XP for me. Trouble was it wasn't working right at first...I could get online, but could only go to two or three sites before I would just get "page cannot be found" over and over. I would have to reboot my computer only to have the same thing happen! Believe me, I was VERY frustrated!! He came over again and got it working like it should (though there are still issues with it and IE...I haven't been able to leave comments on a few of your blogs, for one thing.) THEN I lost my internet connection for almost a week!!! Ack! Dang bills...

Things with this XP are gonna take some getting used to! Some stuff looks different, like the Blogger Dashboard I'm typing on now. Fonts are different for the most part, at least to me.

So...here I am...not much going on in my life really. Well, I am having some problems with this girl who is supposed to be my best friend, but I don't want to get into it here because she knows about my blog. Kinda sucks, 'cuz it would help to vent to y'all. I vent to MrKB, but he got all mad at me the other day because I was pissed off all day long and he's the only person that was here to talk to (really he's my true best friend...check that, pretty much my ONLY friend) and I guess he got tired of my bitching, 'cuz he got the attitude that he didn't want to hear anything anymore. He said, "You've bitched all fucking day about everything, you go through all that's bothering you, then you start all over again." Well....EXCUUUUUUSE ME for thinking I could talk to you! It wasn't like I was bitching AT him, it was more like TO him. I guess I can understand though. I WAS in a very foul mood that day, and you know how it is when you are around someone else that's in a bad mood...it starts to affect your own mood.

I just discovered a few minutes ago, that Meghan has two more teeth coming in! There's two more on the bottom front that I can just barely see, but they're there! :) She's had more teeth start to come in this past month than any other so far. These two will be her 7th and 8th. I really need to get out her baby book and write this stuff down! I'm glad I have a blog so I can go back in my archives to check dates on some things.

There's a new casino in Norman, OK called Riverwind. It is freakin' HUGE! We've been twice now, and it's not bad. It's got thousands of slot machines, lots of blackjack and poker tables, a couple of sit-down restaurants, along with a Burger King, Taco Bueno, and a couple other little fast food places right there in the building. Also has a theater for performances by bands and such. They have Pat Benatar coming soon, and also Jewel, the Commodores and others I forget right now. I'm hoping maybe my favorite comedian, Bill Engvall will be on the list before too long. He does shows a quite a few casinos around the country, so who knows?

I don't know what else to blog about right now. I am fine, the girls are fine, no new news on the adoption front at the moment. So I will end this post here and hit publish. Thank you to all y'all who left comments asking about me, and thanks Velma for keeping me in the loop! ;) Big hugs!

It Really IS Amazing...

2006-07-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

How much Meghan has grown and changed since the day we brought her home from the hospital! I got to thinking that the pic from last year I threw in with this year's really doesn't show you...so I decided to make a post of pictures from the very first day we ever saw her so you can really see for yourselves! LOL This should keep me busy for awhile!

This is MrKB holding Meghan at the hospital on the day we got to see her for the first time. She's not quite 3 weeks old here.

This one was taken the evening of the day we brought her home from the hospital...3 weeks old and still so tiny!

Meghan at 2 months old.

Meghan at 3 months old.

Meghan at 4 months...this is one of my all time favorite pictures of her.

Meghan at 5 months....gettin' big! :)
Meghan at 7 months...don't she look pretty?
Meghan at 8.5 months...this one was taken on Destiny's 3rd birthday.
Meghan at 10 months old, and the first time she really got sick...poor thing was miserable!
I think she's 10 months old in this one too...if I remember correctly, we took it after she got better.
Easter portrait...taken on her 1st birthday. :)
With Mommy at her 1st Birthday party. Hmmm...looking at these pics now, it seems her hair turned blonde somewhere between 10 months and a year old.

This one was taken just a couple days ago. This is her feeding herself with a spoon for the very first time. 15 months old!
Last one, I promise! Took this one just a few minutes ago...not the greatest picture since I couldn't get her to be still! Had to snap it while she was on the run. Man, she's grown!

Picture Post :) (FINALLY!!)

2006-07-18T23:45:00.000-07:00

Some friends of ours came over Friday evening to visit (*gasp* ADULT company!!) and it was miserably hot and humid so we decided to go to the pool here in our complex. It was the first time since the pool opened that we actually went, and boy did it feel great! I took the camera with me since the girls hadn't been since last summer. Meghan was only a couple of months old then, and Destiny was scared.

This year, Meghan is 15 months old (as of the 13th!) and she loves playing in the tub, but she wasn't too sure about swimming. She was kinda tired, though, maybe if we take her when she's at her most alert she'd have more fun. Destiny is 3 1/2 now, and she was scared at first...I suppose all that water is kinda intimidating to a kid her age. She had on a life jacket, of course, and if we let go of her she just would tip over backwards or even sideways! Kinda funny, but only scared her even more. The problem was she wasn't moving her arms and legs at all. Once we got her to really get her legs kicking and use her arms too, she actually swam and started having fun! I was so proud of her! :)

So, without further ado, here are the few pictures I did manage to get, with minimal editing. (I had to lighten a couple and remove red eye in at least one.)

Daddy and Destiny...of course she WOULD close her eyes just as I snapped the picture! This was taken when she was still tipping over if we let go of her. LOL

Destiny with our friends in the background. She was practicing swimming on her back in this one. Once she finally caught on to what we were telling her, she did really well going forwards on her belly. I would walk backwards in front of her, staying just out of her reach....she went back and forth across the pool all on her own steam. (and a little encouragement from Mommy!

Couldn't get these last three arranged quite how I wanted them...The one with Meghan in a car seat is a pic from last summer when she went to the pool for the first time ever. It's actually the same swimsuit too! She's 3 months old in that pic...wanted to post it so you could see how much she's grown in a year.

Pics above are of Meghan and my friend, and of Meghan and Daddy...you can see she's not too sure about the swimming thing!

Hope you enjoyed them...sorry it's not that many, but it took FOREVER just to get these up!

Ughhhh...Stupid Blogger!

2006-07-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

We took the girls swimming last night for the first time this summer, and I took a few pictures I wanted to share with y'all, but Blogger ain't lettin' me!

I will try again later!

Update

2006-07-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

First, I had to turn of the anonymous comment option....I rarely ever had spam, and between yesterday and today I got 8 spam comments! Annoyed the hell out of me, so I did what I had to do.

This morning my MIL brought her kids over for me to watch while she went to work today. Before she left we were talking about the paperwork that we got to fill out...she adopted the two oldest kids that belong to my BIL, if you remember. Well, apparently she didn't have to do this stuff. The lawyer took care of ALL the paperwork, and all she had to do was go down to his office to sign things when it was all together.

Like I said before...it is the EXACT same paperwork we did when all this started. Makes no sense to me...why put us through it again when they have all the information they need already?? We're going to contact our lawyer that we've been talking to on and off about this case and see what he has to say. I'm betting he's gonna have a cow when he hears how our caseworker has been handling things!

Wish us luck....and by the way, I can't believe not one single person commented on the last post! That was BIG news! *sniff* and nobody cared?!?

*edit* Thank you Mamamel for your comment! It came while I was typing this post! Y'all...meet Mamamel...she is another foster parent I came across through MrsCoach's blog. :) (sorry I will link later!)

Adoption News

2006-07-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

Well, we received some paperwork in the mail finally! But it's not what we were quite expecting...it's an "Application for Adoption". It's basically the SAME stuff we had to do to become foster parents of the girls in the first place. Literally, the SAME stuff, only some of the wording has been changed.

So now we have to fill this out. Stuff about health, work history, background checks, that kinda thing. Also have to get physicals done again at the doctor's office. After that someone will come out to our house to do a "home assessment" AGAIN.

I'm not worried about any of it...I know we passed everything once, we will again. It just seems kinda silly when they could just pull up the records from when we did all this in the first place. Unnecessary paperwork, I suppose is how I feel about it. BUT, it's a start...this will get the ball rolling to where we want to be, and that's to be the legal, official, PARENTS of Destiny and Meghan!

I'll be glad when it's all over!

Ch-ch-ch Changes

2006-07-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm...so whaddya think?? I'm not completely sure yet if I'll keep this template or not...I have another that I tried right before this one that I'm considering using too. I do like this one though, and I AM a Sagittarius. Also was pretty cool that it's got my favorite color as the base color.

I don't particularly like the black font. I wish I knew how to change it to maybe a deep purple color that would blend in more with the rest of the template. Anybody know how to help with that?

When I decide for sure which of the two templates I like better, I will get my blogroll and stuff put back in the sidebar. Yes, I backed up my old template...so all I'll have to do is copy the links from there.

Anyway...I'm pretty much over my cold...Yay! MrKB thinks he may have it now though, and Meghan has had a bit of a runny nose....fun stuff. My mood has also been a bit better. Guess not feeling good made me cranky!

I'm a Bit Better...

2006-07-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

I still have this nasty cold. Spent most of yesterday sleeping off and on, and ended up in bed for the night at midnight. MIDNIGHT, people! This is early for me...I'm usually up with Meghan until around 2am, then I spend some quiet time at the puter or whatever until I'm tired enough to go to sleep.

What makes this cold more of a pain is the fact that we are broke until payday, and I have no Nyquil or Dayquil or anything for my sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, (slight) fever. Bleh. I went through so many kleenex yesterday I should buy stock! And of course, now my nose is sore.

But, at least it's not strep throat like hubby had a few weeks ago. I hate being sick, but I hate being sick with a sore throat even more! I haven't been sick in maybe two years, so I guess it was overdue. Could be worse! I do kinda wish the kids weren't here...I've only been up for a couple of hours and already I just want to go back to sleep! I'm not so sick though that I can't take care of them. It's just more exhausting than usual. Maybe tomorrow my MIL will keep them overnight so I can really get some rest.

Sorry about the bummer post yesterday...I was feeling down and had to vent. I usually really enjoy the 4th of July! It is one of my top 3 holidays for sure. This year's was just bleh for me. Maybe next year we'll actually get to be at the lake and do the things we used to do before going on the road. I SO need a week at the lake! Seriously...NEED it! Nothing to do but relax with nature and fish all day long. Though if we take the kids with us, it probably wouldn't all be relaxing. Hubby has vacation scheduled for the first week of September. Maybe we'll go then. Need to start getting stuff together now though. We have NO camping equipment anymore since it all got stolen and have to replace everything. If anyone has anything they don't use anymore, donations will be accepted! Hehehe...

Nothing much else going on...still no paperwork...it is endlessly aggravating. I should clean my house since it's been neglected the last couple of days, but....ehhhhh.....it ain't going anywhere!

I Don't Know What to Call This Post and I Don't Really Care

2006-07-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am in a blah mood. July 4th is usually one of my very favorite holidays out of the year. But this year it was just another day.

We used to go camping every year for the weekend out at Lake Texoma. Obviously didn't do that this year...so that depressed me 'cuz I felt all weekend I should be out at the lake camping and fishing.

Then, all week I'd been looking forward to at LEAST taking the girls out to the park where they have a big festival all day and a fireworks show at night. We didn't take them last year because they were still pretty small. But, wouldn't you know...the day finally arrives, and I AM SICK!! I have a summertime cold apparently...my nose is either stuffed up or running and my head is just all...I dunno..."foggy"...and I just plain don't feel good. I ended up sleeping most of the day. Thankfully hubby was off of work for the day, so he let me rest and he took care of the kids.

Man....

Have I mentioned to y'all that my 13 yr old stepdaughter is visiting?? She was here over the weekend, and will be here tomorrow for the day. We were going to go swimming in the pool, and we got all ready to go, put sunscreen on Des and Meghan, only to get to the pool and find out that it was closed! Bummer. I'm gonna have to take pics when I do get them to the pool. Last year Meghan was only 3 months old and wasn't all that impressed. This year I think she will be a lot more interested in it...she loves to splash the water in the bathtub, so who knows?

We are STILL waiting on the adoption paperwork to arrive in the mail. I'm getting sooo tired of all the delays and excuses the caseworker comes up with. Just get it freakin' done already you stupid bitch! Get these kids OUT of the goddamn system so they can live a normal life!!

Sigh....I think I need to go back to bed.

Have a Safe Holiday!

2006-07-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

Back by (Semi) Popular Demand!!!

2006-06-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah, okay...so, HI! You know you missed me, admit it! Sorry for the extended absence, but I really needed a break. I've got a few things to tell y'all about, though nothing really exciting. My life is still boring, but I'm still living it! LOL

Anyway, let's see...Meghan is WALKING now! Oh yes, she's alllll over the house and rarely crawls anymore. Of course, now that she's walking, she's also into anything and everything. Thank goodness for baby gates! She's also FINALLY getting more teeth in...just one so far...her top front left tooth is coming in nicely. The other front tooth I think is still trying to break through the gum. I told MrKB that if they don't both come in together she's gonna look like a miniature hillbilly with just two bottom teeth and one top tooth!

She's also taken to throwing little fits when she's not getting what she wants RIGHT THIS SECOND. She will literally throw herself down on the floor and start screeching and crying...sometimes rolls around a bit for show...she stops just short of actually kicking her feet and pounding her little fists on the floor. I usually ignore her and she stops within a few minutes. When my niece and nephew are here (ages 8 and 10) and she does that, they will hover over her..."Oh Meghan it's okay" or "Here Meghan" (trying to distract her with some toy or whatever)...and she just goes on throwing the fit 'cuz it's Mama she wants not them, and I have to tell them to just leave her alone probably a gazillion times.

Speaking of my niece...a couple weeks ago they were over and all playing in Destiny's room. Niece has a habit of picking Meghan up and trying to carry her around all over the place, even though she's been told not to. Well, they were in there playing and I was sitting at the computer in the living room listening to them. When I sent them in there to play I gave her specific instructions: "Don't be picking Meghan up! Period." Not 20 minutes later the baby starts screaming one of those "I'm hurt" cries...you Mamas out there know the one I'm talking about! I ran around the corner and Meghan is on the floor on the WRONG side of the baby gate, and my niece is hanging across the top of the now fallen gate on her stomach trying to get herself back on her feet. OH, I was PISSED OFF!! Then my nephew pipes up saying "Meghan wanted in there with you." *blink blink* I looked at them and said "The whole point of having the gate up is for her to be in an area where she can run around and play and I don't worry too much about her getting hurt. If I wanted her in here I would come get her myself." Obviously my niece took it upon herself to pick her up and then put her on my side of the gate...in the process she DROPPED MY BABY GIRL and then fell semi-on-top of her!!! Thankfully, Meghan was alright...I think she was more shocked than anything. It took me GREAT restraint to keep from beating my niece senseless though, lemme tell ya, I was NOT happy and I let her know it. So now, neither she or my nephew are allowed to pick her up anymore.

Moving on...

Destiny is still testing her limits, though she's not aggravating me or irritating me quite as much now...I think she's learned most of the limits. Took her in for another appointment at the Child Study Center for a progress check up. She's gotten taller and gained some weight. And they confirmed what I've been telling people all along..she is definitely speech delayed. She will be starting preschool in the fall, and I have to find one to get her in that also has a speech therapist. There's also maybe something wrong with her ears and I need to go have them checked out. The study center checked them with a little machine that puts a digital graph reading on it showing whether or not the eardrum is working properly, and apparently neither of hers are. She SEEMS to hear just fine, but who knows. I hope to god she doesn't have to end up with a life with a hearing aid like I have for the past 24 years. It's such a pain in the ass and makes lots of thing difficult.

Otherwise, both girls are healthy, happy and doing fine.

We are STILL waiting on adoption paperwork to be sent to us so we can get moving in that area. Of course the caseworker has one excuse after the other. Oh, and she came by for a visit yesterday and asked me "Are y'all gonna be at court on Thursday?" *blink blink* Ummm...Hello? Nobody has said anything about it, so how would we know to be there??? Yeah...and I have a WIC appointment on Thursday morning that's been set for months. She said she's not sure if the foster parents HAVE to be there, she'll find out. May just be a continuation of the last court date, where the separation of siblings paperwork was supposed to be filed. (and which the caseworker didn't even show up to, from what I heard). I'm getting SO tired of this kind of bullshit. I'm going to be thrilled when it's all over and I never have to see or talk to this girl AGAIN.

I found out some bad news yesterday. My Granddad has been battling emphysema for awhile now. Been on oxygen more and more every time I see him. Well, I saw my Mom yesterday, and she said something about him having lung cancer. I was like "WHAT??" And she's like "Oh yeah, Granddad has lung cancer and is on the oxygen 100% of the time now." HOW does she forget to tell me stuff like this?!?! Also, his lungs are too far gone for radiation treatments, and he doesn't want to do chemotherapy...so it looks like I will be losing my Granddad sometime this year, if not sometime this summer.

Sigh...I'm getting tears in my eyes just thinking about him being gone. And my poor Grandmother! I don't know how she'll take it when he's gone. They've been married over 50 years.

That's all I can think of to post about right now. I need to go fix lunch for the girls. Thanks for your patience during my break, and a big THANK YOU to those of you who continued to keep me on your blogrolls....to those who kicked me off (you know who you are!) PBLLLTTTTTTT!!!!

Taking a Break from Blogging...

2006-05-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hi y'all...So sorry I've been such a bad blogger lately. I am fine, the kids are fine...had to take Meghan for shots yesterday, she got 4, poor thing...but she's doing okay, no adverse reactions. I really hate shot time!

Meghan is still not walking yet, and as of now still only has two bottom teeth (at 13 months old). She does walk a little...she'll take a few steps for short distances, and MrKB says she walked all the way down our hall last week before she realized she wasn't holding onto anything and plopped right down on her butt. LOL Definitely won't be much longer, and she'll be running in the house just like Destiny!

Destiny drives me nuts here lately. She argues now..."Why?" is a big part of her vocabulary. She can ask me that all day long, but if I ask her "Why" about something, she can't, or won't answer me. It's maddening, I tell you. It's like comedian Gallagher once said..."God made babies cute so you don't kill them"...that applies to toddlers and preschoolers too. LOL I love her to death, but she's difficult these days. I've seen worse kids, so I count my blessings, believe me.

I hope all the Moms out there had a wonderful Mother's Day, and a happy belated one to all of you!! Thank you so much to those of you who stopped by that day to wish me a happy Mother's day! I had a good day. MrKB surprised me with a dozen roses (red, yellow, white, and pink) on my bedside table, along with two cards. I hadn't expected anything at all since we are broke from having just paid rent and the car payment, so it was really nice to wake up to something that made me smile. Then, all day long HE took care of the kids...I didn't have to do anything regarding them for the whole day. That was really nice too.

On Saturday, I left the kids with MrKB for a few hours while I went out to eat at Carraba's restaurant with my Mom, Grandmother, sister, and cousin. It was very nice...excellent food, and just us girls. We don't go out like that often, and I really enjoyed it.

Hope everyone is doing wonderfully! This is going to be my last post probably for a little while, but don't worry! I'll be back!! Just apparently, since I haven't been posting much lately, I need a break from blogging. I don't know how long, and if something big happens I will be here to tell you guys about it for sure. Please don't kick me off your blogrolls! I promise I will be back!! And please feel free to email me anytime!!

Just a Quick Post

2006-05-06T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all...sorry I haven't posted in awhile...not a lot going on in my so-called life! LOL Just haven't had anything worth blogging about...kinda been in a funk and haven't felt like posting. I've been spending a lot of time at Pogo playing bowling (personal high of 223, woot!).

Took the baby to the doctor on Tuesday...she has officially been diagnosed as having eczema. Poor thing. Now I have a prescription cream I have to put on her twice a day, along with some vaseline-like stuff called Aquaphor (which is expensive!). She is already doing much better, and is not scratching at herself all the time now. Also finally getting her face cleared up...you can see it in the Easter pics a bit...fortunately she wasn't flaring too terribly bad that day.

Yeah...so now I have a baby with Eczema who is now even MORE likely to develop asthma, since apparently the two diseases go hand in hand. Not always, but they are connected to the same gene. My nephew has both eczema and asthma, and if you've read my blog for awhile, you'll remember that Andy, the girls' brother, has a severe case of both diseases. We also are pretty sure that Destiny has asthma, since she wheezes from time to time, but she's not been officially diagnosed.

Yep...fun stuff.

Easter Portraits

2006-04-27T08:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I haven't sorted through the seemingly half-million reunion photos yet so I can show you the best ones. But I finally got my online copies of the Easter portraits we had made of the girls on Meghan's birthday! I should've had them sooner, and I was supposed to be able to pick up the actual portraits from Target 3 days ago...but apparently FedEx messed up and sent them to the wrong store and now it's gonna be the 4th before I can get them. Bummer.

Anyway, here ya go...

Ta-Da!! So tell me, which ones do YOU like???

Hey! Did You Miss Me??

2006-04-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, I am back! We got home Sunday evening from the family reunion. This is where we went. We stayed in the Group Camp which has a main building, and then various sized cabins all around the camp. There's a volleyball court and a playground for the kids. Destiny spent pretty much all weekend playing outside on the playground. She doesn't get to go play outside that much when we're at home, since we live in an apartment and don't have a yard. It was nice to just let her go, and not have to worry too much about her. There was LOTS of little kids out there this year! At least 3 one year olds, including Meghan. Meghan didn't know what to think about people her size!

All in all, we had a great time and the weather was absolutely beautiful!! A little bit on the hot side, actually. This is the first time in several years that it wasn't either raining, cold, or both. Just windy like it always is, but not too bad. I wish my family did stuff like this, but they don't anymore. This was MrKB's side of the family, and I look forward to it every year.

Wasn't too much harder on us having two kids with us this year. It'll be different next year when Meghan is 2 and running around more. She's still not walking yet...we thought she might start over the weekend after seeing the others her age all walking around. She walked a little bit with one of those toys they can hold onto and walk with, but she took a nasty little fall and hit her mouth on the concrete floor, making herself bleed all over the place. She didn't want anything to do with walking after that! She's okay, btw, no stitches or split lips, just a little bruise and some swelling.

I took lots of pictures, but I need to sort through them and decide which ones to post. I'll try to do that in the next day or so.

Anyway....

We went back to court on Monday about the kids. Told the judge what Andy's foster parents and we had decided regarding where he stays. She seemed pleased, and said how much she liked it when the parents can come to an agreement without mediation for the good of the child. So at least we weren't on the chopping block in front of the judge this time.

Our caseworker, on the other hand...

She is ALWAYS late for court, even with her office being just two floors up in the SAME building. She usually at least gets there before the judge (who is always late, too, but she's the judge!), but not this time. Believe it or not, we were actually the first case called to the bench, and that NEVER happens. We all get up there, and since the caseworker wasn't there, we had to go sit back down until she got there.

She arrives a few minutes later, and we all go up in front of the judge again. They discussed the oldest sibling, who lives with her grandparents currently, but apparently is going to be staying with an aunt and uncle after school lets out. They discussed the meth baby, they verified the status of Destiny and Meghan...meaning they're still with us and we still want to adopt. Then Andy. Now...his fosters want to get this case moved forward so we can get through the adoption proceedings, and we want to also...We can't do anything until the caseworker gets the paperwork done for "separation of siblings"...The judge asked her about it, and she said "Well, I've gotten started on it this past Friday, blah, blah, blah." The judge was nodding her head, and saying "Okay"...then the CASA worker (the same one that I don't particularly like, that got into it with my MIL over the whole smoking issue) spoke up and told the judge "The caseworker has known about the decision regarding Andy since FEBRUARY, and should have had the paperwork done a long time ago. Nothing has been done, and this case has not moved forward at all since our last court date in January." That's when the judge said "Oh really? Well, then she has until the next court date to have the necessary paperwork completed. Does May 30th work for everybody??" Normally the next court date would be 90 days away.

The caseworker was mortified!! She's in all kinds of hot water with the judge.

She came for a visit to see the kids the next day, and she was telling me how she went right from court to her office to get the paperwork started and worked on it until 7:30 that night. Yeah...about time someone lit a fire under her ass to get shit done!!

We were all (us and Andy's fosters) talking to the aunt of the oldest sibling...she is at court to get legal guardianship. We were telling her how long we'd been waiting for something to get done, and that is should have been done long ago, etc. The aunt just kept saying "We're not in her shoes. We're not in her shoes." and we're all like "Lady, you have NO idea. Just wait until you've been in this awhile." Yeah, things moved quickly for us in the beginning, when we were getting the girls placed with us, but after that, heh.

So anyway, for once we were happy about what went on in court. That's about all I've got for y'all right now. Pictures later! :)

Easter Pictures

2006-04-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow we are going out to Quartz Mountain for our annual Family Reunion. We'll be leaving when MrKB gets home from work, and we'll be back Sunday evening. I've been looking forward to this for a couple of months now! I love going out there, it's a beautiful area, and I enjoy the company of family. It's always like a mini-vacation for us. This year will be different in the fact that we'll have our two little girls with us. I can't wait to see the looks on people's faces when we show up with two kids, when for so long it's just been me and MrKB! I'll be taking my camera with me, so I'll be taking lots of pictures to share when I get back.

For now, I want to show y'all some of my pics from Easter of the girls. I feel like my blog is a photoblog this week since I've had so much to share!! LOL There'll only be more when I return from our trip...can y'all handle it??

First is a few pics of the kids coloring Easter eggs. That's Destiny with her "cousins" Angelica and Patrick. They are my BIL's two oldest kids from a previous relationship. They're the ones my MIL adopted. We tell the kids they are cousins for now...it's a little too much for all of them to understand.

Notice how Destiny just kinda stares at the camera??? She is next to impossible to get a smile out of...Meghan usually will just start grinning when she sees a camera, but not Des, oh no!

Daddy and Meghan in her Easter dress. She was squirming around while trying to get this shot and this is the best I could get.

Destiny had a good time hunting for eggs once we finally got her to understand what it was she was supposed to do! Even then we practically had to touch the eggs themselves before she'd see them!! She's pretty slow to catch on to things, I'm tellin' ya...but doesn't just looks so cute in her Easter dress??

Okay, I want to leave y'all with one more thing...this is a video of Destiny with bubbles for the first time ever...notice how she doesn't even pull the wand all the way out of the bottle and she blows them straight to the ground! LOL Then MrKB brings her a pinwheel, and she's got this look on her face like "Okay, just what am I supposed to do with this?!?!" Enjoy! :) Oh yeah, the little blond guy that tries to blow the pinwheel at the same time as Des is my nephew, Orion. He's something else...

Birthday Cake! HNT

2006-04-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, thanks to Lecram, I've figured out how to post videos here. Yay! Consider it my HNT for this week. :) Enjoy! (it's only about 30 seconds long)

I'll Never Forget....Will You???

2006-04-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

April 19, 1995...a date forever etched into the minds of Oklahomans and many Americans forever.

I remember this day well. I live in Oklahoma City, and I did back then too. MrKB and I had just been married barely two months before. We lived in a small one-bedroom apartment, and we both worked nights at Buy For Less grocery store.

The bomb went off at 9:02am...we were in bed asleep...we both woke up at the same exact moment, looked at each other, then looked at the clock...it read 9:03am. Neither one of us was sure at that point what had woke us up, but we think now that we felt the blast that had just occured less than 10 miles away. At the time, though, we thought nothing of it and went back to sleep.

About an hour and a half later, my Mom called us and told us to turn on the TV. I remember just being frozen in place and staring in disbelief at what I was seeing. This couldn't be Oklahoma City!! Stuff like this doesn't happen here!

I had to go to work that day, but I wanted desperately to be down there helping...I felt like I should be doing SOMETHING to help, even if I didn't know what I could do...It didn't matter though, they were turning people away because so many had showed up.

168 people died that day. Including this little girl, who was just one year old:

Her name was Baylee...

Thankfully, I didn't know anybody personally that died that terrible day, but I knew people who did lose relatives or friends...One girl we worked with lost an uncle and a cousin.

The day brought out the best in Oklahomans, and Americans everywhere. People came from all over to help us recover, just as they did later in New York and most recently in New Orleans.

And recover we did.

This is the Survivor Tree. It is an American Elm and survived the blast. It was already over 100 years old at the time of the bombing. It still stands and thrives today at the Oklahoma City National Memorial. I visited the memorial, only once, because it is painful...I hugged this very tree while there.

Oklahoma and I will never forget.....will you???

I Know Y'all Been Waiting for These!

2006-04-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

I am still messing with the missing pictures, but thought I'd take a break and get pics from Meghan's birthday party posted for those of you who've been anxiously waiting! (Alicia!) Oh, and also wanted to show off my new haircut!

So, whaddya think? I like it, and it's the first time in a long time I was actually happy with a haircut. Seems like I can never find somebody who'll do it right! It's still long enough that I can pull it back so the baby doesn't yank on it all the time.

The birthday cake! :)

Birthday Princess!

Opening presents!

Destiny with her cousins, Angelina (4) and Orion (2).

Mommy and Meghan :)

Let the cake eating begin!!!!

She wasn't too sure about the cake when we first put it in front of her...she just kinda poked at it for a few minutes. As you can see, though, she definitely got into the whole cake eating thing! :)

Check out the final aftermath...

I shot a short video of her eating cake with the new camera. When I figure out how, I'll post it so y'all can see. :)

Fuckin' Kodak...

2006-04-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so my old camera was a Kodak EasyShare, and I had the software on my computer and had no problems with it. Well on that software I had something like 1300 pictures.

New camera is also a Kodak EasyShare, but I had to update the software. I tried several times to get the shit installed, and the first attempt it got an error that it couldn't complete installation...AND IT SHUT DOWN ALL SOFTWARE. After several tries, I've got it installed now, and you will see new pictures soon...what I'm pissed off about is I LOST A BUNCH OF PICTURES THAT I ORIGINALLY HAD!!!!! Now, a lot of them I do have on disks, thank gosh, but there were still a bunch that I didn't have on disk yet because I don't have a CD burner on my computer. :( Pictures from Destiny's birthday? Gone. Pics from last Halloween? Gone.

Dammit!

*EDIT* Okay, I've been spending all damn day going through things on my harddrive to see if I can find the missing pictures. Good news is I have found a bunch of them! Bad news...I have to go through them ONE BY ONE and re-add them to my software files so I can access them easily when I need to. I have SO got to get a cd burner for my computer!!! Then I won't have this headache again!

Happy Easter Y'all!!!

2006-04-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy weekend already, and it's not over yet! Just stopping in real quick to wish everybody a very HAPPY EASTER!!! Hope the day is beautiful and warm wherever you are!

Also, Thank You for all the birthday wishes for Meghan! :) The birthday party was great, and I've got pictures, but I'll have to post them later, along with Easter pics...mmmmkay? Have a great day!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY MEGHAN!!! :)

2006-04-13T01:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Meghan,

Today you are 1 year old!! You've brought your Daddy and me so much joy and happiness this past year! You've grown and changed so much. We brought you home from the hospital when you were not quite 3 weeks old. Even though you were a "big" baby, at 9 lbs, 5 oz., you were so tiny! Mommy had waited a long, long time for a baby to hold and love, and you were a dream come true! You were beautiful and perfect, with a full head of hair, ten little fingers, and ten little toes.

I can't tell you how many times those first few weeks that I would wake up in the night and check to make sure you were still breathing, and to just watch you sleep. I waited so long for you, and I was scared to death something would happen and I'd lose you!

But here you are! You're very 1st birthday! You are now 28 inches tall and weigh 23.9 pounds! You've only been sick ONCE this past year, and oh, how Mommy's heart hurt for her baby girl! You were just absolutely miserable...but even while sick, you were still such a good baby! You didn't cry that much, even though you obviously didn't feel well at all. You just kind of hung around in your Exersaucer or slept a lot. I was SO glad when you were back to your normal happy self!

Your beautiful smile just lights up the whole room! I love to see it, and I love to make you laugh. It's the most precious sound in the world to me.

Oh, baby girl! It doesn't seem possible that a year has gone by! It's been a difficult year for your Daddy and me, but you and your big sister Destiny make it all worthwhile!

You've reached a lot of milestones...your first smile...first giggle...sitting up for the first time, standing, pulling yourself up....and now your first teeth are finally coming in! I thought they'd never get here! Of course, now you're at the stage where you drool all over everything, and you're constantly putting your fingers in your mouth now, as if to say "Hey! What are these sharp things in here?!"

You aren't walking yet, but you zip around the house in your walker! You love that you're able to go into Destiny's room now and play with her. It won't be much longer, though, and you'll be walking all on your own! You already stand without holding on to things for quite a length of time, until you realize you're standing and you'll just plop down on your butt! LOL Crawling is still your preferred method of getting around, and you can crawl like nobody's business!

We'll be having your official birthday party on Saturday, which just happens to be the day before Easter this year. I'll be sure to take tons of pictures!

I just can't wait to see what happens next in your life!

Your Daddy and I love you so very much, baby girl! I know you won't remember this birthday, but I hope the day is wonderful and lots of fun.

Happy 1st Birthday Meghan!!!

Love you always,
Mama

I'm Alive

2006-04-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

So....Hi! I know I haven't been the best blogger lately. There's just not much to blog about, really.

Went out to the casino Friday night while Grandma kept the kids. Didn't win anything...I take that back, I did get $300 off of a quarter machine, but we played it all back since we didn't have to worry about leaving at a certain time. It was fun, though, and that night it seemed to be a family affair...we ran into two sets of Aunts and Uncles out there, which was kinda funny, since we never see anyone we know.

Saturday we had my niece and nephew over for the night. They were pretty good, but still get on my nerves since they just complain about being bored. I'm sorry, you ain't gonna come to my house and just veg in front of the TV or play freakin' video games all day long. Kids today don't know how to entertain themselves if they're not doing one of those two things. GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY for God's sake!! Maybe then you wouldn't keep gaining so much weight your Mom has to buy clothes every month. Sheesh... Not that these kids are obese or anything like that, but if they keep eating like they do and not doing anything active, they will be.

Sunday they were here all day long. I was ready for them to go home, lemme tell ya. But MrKB told Mom we'd take them for both Friday AND Saturday night next weekend. This is because she's watched our girls so much lately (which really hasn't been THAT much!)...yeah...I'm looking forward to that. NOT.

Monday I had to get up early and take Meghan in for a 9am appointment with the Child Study Center. This place is for infants and small children who were exposed to alcohol or substance abuse prenatally. They evaluate their development and growth. Meghan is doing fine. She was exposed to marijuana in the first trimester, but after that the bio Mom stayed clean...at least for this pregnancy. All of the other kids, including Destiny, have developmental problems now. Destiny is small for her age, and is having speech problems...she also does not comprehend things well. I can't get her to understand the difference between "quieter" and "louder", for example, no matter how many times I've tried. Can't get her to understand "same" and "different" yet either. She doesn't quite get "Yes" and "No" even. You ask her a question, and most times she'll just answer "Yes"...even to stuff you KNOW she should say "No" about.

Yeah, Destiny is quite the challenge. I worry how she's going to do in school. I don't want it to be difficult for her...especially the youngest grades. They were really easy for me...it wasn't until around 6th grade that it really got hard. I don't want her to be struggling from the beginning and then just not want to give the effort in the later grades. I guess we'll see how she does when the time comes. I am going to see about getting her into an Early Head Start program. For the normal Head Start, a child has to be 4 years old. She won't be 4 until December 31st!

Anyway...not a lot going on with me, really. I got my hair cut last night...first time in a long time since it's been cut. Looks a lot better now, and it's shoulder length...meaning I got about 6 inches cut off. You might get to see pictures later, if I ever get my new camera hooked up to the computer!

Geez, I'm boring...sorry about that...in kind of a blah mood today too.

Oh, couple more things...Meghan will be one year old the day after tomorrow! Since it's on a weekday, we'll probably have a birthday party this coming weekend...but then my MIL reminded me that it's Easter weekend, so we might wait until next weekend so people will be in town. We will be in Enid on Easter Sunday at my grandparents'.

Speaking of Easter, I bought a couple of egg-coloring kits last night when I went to WalMart...and some Easter cookies. Just a couple of things I can do with Destiny. I loved coloring Easter eggs when I was a kid. I hope I can have a good time attempting to color eggs with Des. When we did Christmas cookies, I ended up getting upset with her. I don't want that to happen this time.

Meghan's bottom two teeth are FINALLY coming in!! They have broken through and aren't in very far, but they're definitely there. It's about time!

That's it for now...on to the exciting world of cleaning house!

You Know You're an Okie When...

2006-04-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

You are 100% Okie (Oklahoman to the rest of y'all) if:
1. You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo, Okemah, and Chickasha.
2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
4. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You know people who think a Ford F350 4x4 Dually is a status symbol.
10. You measure distance in minutes. ("I'm about 5 minutes away."
11. You refer to the capital of Oklahoma as "The City".
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man that died in an airplane crash.
13. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
14. You go to the lake because you think it's like going to the ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.
18. You don't even look twice when you see someone wearing a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
20. You know in which state "Miam-uh" is and in which state "Miam-ee" is.
21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
22. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends!

Got a New Car! :)

2006-04-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

Well, a new to us car!

Remember I told you we were going to see about either a Isuzu Rodeo or a Dodge Durango? Well, we couldn't get financing for the Rodeo, so we got the Durango.

Ain't it pretty?? (the pic is from the web, but just like ours) Yeah, I think so too....loved it! Unfortunately, we ended up taking it back the very next day after we got it. The "check gauges" light kept coming on, and oil pressure was dropping waaay down. It didn't do this when we test drove it. So MrKB took it back to see if they could get it fixed (it had a warranty, fortunately) and after they replaced some parts, it was still doing the same thing. Seems like it may possibly be the oil pump....but the owner said he'd hate to find out that didn't fix it either, so offered us our choice of other vehicles on the lot. Some that weren't even quite ready to be sold yet.

This is what we ended up with:

A 2001 Ford Taurus. Right around 73,000 miles on it, which is A LOT less than the Durango had. It's not what I was wanting, and I never thought I'd actually own a Ford, but it's pretty nice. Just the right size, power everything, and a 6-disc cd player. It's one of the cars that wasn't quite ready to be sold, so it needs to be detailed inside, but it's not totally trashed or anything. Just needs a bit of cleaning up. I can already tell it's going to get a hell of a lot better gas mileage than our van! That's a definite plus.

Any of y'all ever had one? What did you think of it? Did you have any probs with it at all? Let me know...I'm still not completely sure what I think of this car, but I'll probably end up loving it, just will take some getting used to! One things for sure, it's the "newest" car I've ever had! :)

What??? Nobody's Missed Me???

2006-04-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm.

So there was no HNT from me this last Thursday. My internet service got shut down on me at like 10:30 p.m. Wednesday night. I was not a happy camper! Sorry for missing out. :(

Anyway...

Y'all are not gonna believe what happened to me last night! MrKB and I took the kids to Grandma's so we could go out for awhile. We went out to the casino, of course, but didn't go to Remington this time...we went out to Newcastle. We didn't have much, only around $120. We played together for a bit, then separately, then I was playing a penny machine on $20 MrKB gave me to play with...lost it, but not before he lost his! He gave me another $20 to put in the machine, since it hadn't been doing too bad, and we played together again for awhile. About 20 minutes or so later....I HIT THE FREAKIN' JACKPOT!!! And I DO mean jackpot...I was betting max, which was $1.25 a spin, and I WON $1,900!! That's right...ONE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS!! Yay me!

'Bout freakin' time I hit one...thought it was never ever gonna happen to me. I'll have to report it next year at tax time, but that's okay.

So guess where we went after that?? Called Grandma...told her we'd give her 100 bucks to go ahead and keep the kids for the night, and we went shopping! Yes, at Wal-Mart...at that time of night, your shopping options are pretty much limited, ya know. It was soooo nice to go in and not worry too much about how much things cost. We didn't go THAT nuts...got things we've wanted to get for awhile, but never had the money to spare.

Got a new digital camera...a Kodak Easy Share C310...nothing really fancy, but it's a definite upgrade from the old one. This one is 4 megapixels with a much better zoom feature...and I just now realized while looking at the camera, that we can take videos with this one too! Cool...couldn't do that with the old one. AND...we bought bundled with the camera, the printer dock that goes with it...which means we can print our own 4x6 pictures straight from the camera. Very cool! Ought to save tons on having paper pictures made this way. Photo paper refills are not near as expensive as I thought they'd be, either.

Let's see....we also bought another Pack 'n Play for Meghan. We're tired of having to pack up the one we had every time she goes to stay the night at Grandma's...it's a pain, even if it's fairly simple to do. It's heavy, and we have other stuff to take too, like her walker. Did I tell y'all we got her a walker a couple weeks ago?? I think I did...she really zips around the house now! Won't be long and she'll be walking on her own. Anyway, now we have one Pack 'n Play for our house, and one for Grandma's. Got her a new car seat, too...she'll be a year old on the 13th, and in Oklahoma babies have to be at least 20 lbs AND a year old before you can place them facing forward in a vehicle. Her current carseat can be turned around, but it's just bulky, so we got one more like Destiny's.

Spoiled ourselves and splurged on a set of sheets for our bed....400 thread count Egyptian cotton, baby!! Soooo soft, and makes us feel elegant!

Got Destiny and Meghan both several pairs of sandals to get ready for the warmer weather. Got Meghan her first pair of "walking" shoes, and got Destiny a new pair of tennis shoes. She keeps getting sores on her feet, and we couldn't figure out why...turns out the shoes she had are a size and a half too small!!! WHY do little kids not tell you that their shoes hurt their feet??!? They still go on her feet fairly easily, so I had no idea they were so small on her. Maybe now her feet won't get the sores...the ones she just makes worse by picking at them! We shall see...

What else?? Hmmm...we put a holding fee down on a 2000 Isuzu Rodeo we may be buying in the next few days. What?? I didn't tell ya about that either??? MrKB came to me the other day and said he'd seriously been considering buying a "new" car instead of a motorcycle. You could've knocked me over with a feather!! He was SO set on getting a bike, and then he goes and throws THAT at me! He says he knows we could use a second car more than we could use a motorcycle, and besides, if he waits one more year he'll have more to spend on a bike than he would this year. We filled out the application for financing today on the Rodeo, but won't find out until Monday if we get it or not....Hope so...this is a nice vehicle...VERY clean, and only has 83,000 miles on it....the other car we were looking at was a '99 Dodge Durango, but it's a little bigger, which means not as good gas mileage, and it has 153,000 miles on it. I'll let ya know what happens on the "new" car front.

Other than all that, there's really not a whole lot going on with me right now. Worked on some crosstitching during the time I wasn't able to get online. I've been working on a baby announcement thing since we got Meghan last year. I don't think I'm even halfway done with it yet, and she's gonna be a year old in less than two weeks!! Gah!! Where did the time go?!?

Oh, and Diva....guess what I found yesterday??? I found BABY MAGIC LOTION!! I've been looking for it for you for awhile now, and the Wal-Marts here aren't carrying it either...seems most places aren't...but I found it at Walgreen's!! Do ya have a Walgreen's in your neck of the woods??? Let me know, and if you don't, I'll go pick a few bottles up and send them to you, mmmkay???

Alrighty then...I gotta go get some sleep!

Tagged Again!

2006-03-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry I haven't posted anything since Thursday. Really nothin' going on in my boring life right now. Spent the last couple of days giving my house a good cleaning, getting ready for a caseworker visit. Taking care of the kids, laundry...that's about it! Gawd, I'm so boring! I need tequila!!!

Anyway, I've been tagged with a couple of meme's so that gives me something to post, at least! Both tags came from Kimberly...Thanks, girl! Otherwise I'd be sitting here just staring at the cursor just taunting me...daring me to post something!

The first one I've done before, but it was a five weird things instead of six weird things meme. So, let's see...

1. When I read the paper, I HAVE to fold the pages back on themselves exactly. Can't stand for the paper to get messed up while I'm reading it.

2. I'm very picky about how the covers on the bed are when I go to sleep at night. Many times I've woke hubby up with my cover arranging! This is something he's told me bugs him, but I can't help it!

3. I hate cooked carrots so much I will pick the carrot pieces out of a pot pie before I'll eat it.

4. When I do laundry, it has to be done in a certain order...girls' clothes, colors, whites, jeans, then towels.

5. When I'm going to sleep, I will lay on my stomach and rub my feet along the bed....it relaxes me.

6. And finally...this is something that I don't do as much anymore, but still do sometimes...When I'm eating Crunchberries cereal, I will eat all the "crunch" part first, then as I'm eating the "berries" I will count them.

OK, now the second Meme:
1. Accent: OKIE!! :)
2. Booze of choice: Tequila
3. Chore I hate: Cleaning the bathroom.
4. Dog or cat: Cat
5. Essential electronics: Computer...TV
6. Favorite perfume/cologne: Estee Lauder Beyond Paradise or Lady Stetson
7. Gold or silver: Gold...preferably with diamonds!
8. Hometown: Oklahoma City
9. Insomnia: Often
10. Job title: Mom and Domestic Goddess
11. Kids: 2 precious little girls
12. Living arrangements: 3 bedroom apartment w/ my family
13. Most admired trait: Loyal
14. Number of sexual partners: Currently, only my husband. Throughout my life? Nunya bizness!
15. Overnight hospital stays: Never
16. Phobia: Snakes...heights...flying stinging things!
17. Quote: "Live like you were dying."
18. Religion: None really.
19. Siblings: 1 younger sister.
20. Time I wake up: Around 10am
21. Unusual talent or skill: I can touch my nose with my tongue.
22. Vegetable I refuse to eat: Brussels sprouts and cooked carrots.
23. Worst habit: Staying up too late.
24. X-rays: Only dental.
25. Yummy foods I make: Green chile burros.
26. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

I'm not gonna tag anyone this time, but sure would love to see someone else do them...so go ahead, if ya wanna!

My 20th Half-Nekkid Thursday

2006-03-22T20:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'll be the first to admit this is not me in the pic. I did take it, though! LOL

So, I was sitting at the computer yesterday, and Destiny was in her room playing. She'd been kinda quiet for awhile, so I went in to check on her. She's fine, of course, just having herself a little tea party or something...I don't remember now what she was doing.

Anyway, I looked down on the floor, and I saw THIS:

HALF NEKKID BABY DOLL!! I couldn't help it...I laughed my ass off when I saw it. I don't know what made her think her shoes and socks were going to fit her doll. But she's smart, do you see? The shoes are actually on the correct feet! LOL That's my girl!

Now, go and see OSBASSO for more Half-Nekkid fun! Happy HNT!
Click the red button with the lady in lingerie over there ------> for guidelines.

Oh, and ladies....check out the eye candy in my post below! ;)

Ok, Can I Just Say...

2006-03-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

YUM!!!!!!
Yeah, I'd do him...He's definitely on "the list"! :)

I've Discovered MySpace

2006-03-21T17:43:00.000-08:00

Actually, I can't really say I "discovered" it...I've been hearing about it for awhile now, though, and finally decided to go explore. I can't believe who I've found over there already! Several of my cousins...a few fellow bloggers...some people from high school...AND...get this, my first real love! I've tried finding him online for years!

OMG Meghan JUST said "Uh oh"!! LOL So cute!

Anyway, I got in touch with him, and I guess we'll see what happens. He actually called my Mom's house looking for me about a year and a half ago, (she's had the same phone number since I was 8) and left his number. I called him once when we were still on the road a lot but didn't get to talk long at all. Then I lost his number.

Kinda weird, ya know, talking to him again. I remember a few years after we'd broke up my best friend at the time told me that he'd said he didn't want anything to do with me. No reason given, so I don't know what that was all about, but I didn't see or talk to him again for several years. Then right before we'd moved to small town Oklahoma...matter of fact, we were in the process of moving...we ran into him at a restaurant we'd stopped at for lunch. Of course, I looked like hell since we'd been moving stuff all day...sweatpants, hair just in a ponytail, no makeup...bleh. He STILL has the power to make my heart pitter patter and give me butterflies in my stomach. Why is that?!?! I am very happily married now and don't want to be with him or anything like that.

I guess part of me somewhere deep down still has feelings for him. After all, he WAS my first real love.

Anyway, come check me out on My Space! And if anyone knows how to make a button for my links in my sidebar for my MySpace site, please let me know!! Their code for links isn't working right for me.

Happy First Day of Spring!!

2006-03-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

You wouldn't know it was spring by stepping outside my door right now. It is still cloudy and pretty chilly. The rain has stopped for now though. Wonder if the burn ban got lifted...

I had a picture posted here, but it was only supposed to be here temporarily so I could change my profile pic....so now it's over there--------->

Made someone smile to see it here, and that makes ME smile! :)

MamaKBear's World

Oh Yeah!! I Have a Blog!! :)

Life Goes On

Look at This! :)

This has been such a rough month...

Help Me Win $1000!!! *Sticky Post*

Happy Birthday Meghan!!!

Our Big Day

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adoption Update!!

FINALIZATION DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Boycotting "American Girl" After Reading This!

They Finally Got Me...

It's a Party and You're ALL Invited!! *Sticky Post*

Stuff in My Head

Checkin' In!

OK! OK!! An Update!!

'Nuff Said...

Adoption Update!!

On This Day 12 Years Ago...

Fun With Laundry Baskets

WHY??

Out of the Mouth of Meghan

Happy Hour Playdates??

More Cuteness from Meghan :)

Ummm...Hello?? Is This Thing On??

Amused

I Hate Winter

In Memory

Is This Not the Cutest Picture EVER??

Heyyyyyyy!

Well....Hell....

Happy Birthday Destiny!!!! And...A New Year, A New Look :)

My Christmas

Silly Questions

Tequila Christmas Cake

Well, This Really Sucks....

I'm Baaaaaack!!

May be Offline for a few Days...

Snow!

The Holidays are Upon Us

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nobody Told Me...

Oh, I've Got Fun Now

I Saved a Stranger's Life Last Night

So...yeah...

Happy Halloween

Breaking Point

Hiya! :)

PICTURES!!!

It's My Blogiversary!!!

Mom Is Home! :)

Finally!!! I Can Report Some Good News!!!

Brain Surgery Scheduled!! Please Pray!!!

More Stuff on Mom...

On Being a Mom...

Damn...

Wow...10 Days Already??

I'm Still Alive...

2,996 My Tribute In Honor and Memory of Daniel Lugo

Remembering September 11th

Update.

How Much More???

Spent My Weekend in the Hospital

I am SO Freakin' Excited!!!!

Yeah, I Know...

Adoption...

Horses Need Help!

Difficult Anniversary...

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!

It Really IS Amazing...

Picture Post :) (FINALLY!!)

Ughhhh...Stupid Blogger!

Update

Adoption News

Ch-ch-ch Changes

I'm a Bit Better...

I Don't Know What to Call This Post and I Don't Really Care

Have a Safe Holiday!

Back by (Semi) Popular Demand!!!

Help Me Win $1000!!! Sticky Post

It's a Party and You're ALL Invited!! Sticky Post