Remembering September 11th

September 11, 2001...it goes down in my mental memory bank as a day in my lifetime to never forget. Has it really been five years since that terrible day??

It was kind of weird, really, for me. I am from Oklahoma City, born and raised, and on the day of the OKC Bombing, I was in bed asleep when it happened. My Mom called early in the morning (early for me, since I worked evenings) and told me to turn on the news. Fast forward to September 11th, it was the same thing! My husband and I were both asleep in bed, and once again Mom called and told us to turn on the news. Talk about deja vu!

We turned on the TV to see the first tower had been hit, and we were just incredulous to hear that an airplane had slammed into it. I remember thinking it must be some sort of freak accident...but then...as we watched on live television, the second tower was hit. It was then that I knew that it was no accident. I got the same sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had six years before on the day of the OKC bombing. The same helpless feeling. The same scared-to-death-omg-I-can't-believe-this-is-happening feeling. It's a feeling I hope to never have to feel again!

Like the rest of the nation, and then the world, I spent the rest of the day glued to the images I was seeing on the TV. I thought about a friend of mine...one I only knew online, who at the time was living in New Jersey. I could only imagine the chaos he must be witnessing as people made their way across the Hudson River and streamed into New Jersey. I remember watching in absolute horror as people started to actually JUMP to their certain deaths from high up in the towers. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about the desperation these people must have been feeling to do such a thing. And then...my husband and I, holding hands so tightly our fingers were surely turning white, watched as the first tower fell...and then...the second one. I remember thinking, "My God...the New York skyline will never be the same...New York, America, the WORLD will never be the same!

And we're not. Just as I'd witnessed in Oklahoma City, people immediately came to the aid of their fellow human beings. They came together....to help....to mourn....and to heal. At the time of the OKC bombing, New York reached out to us, sending in crews to help in the search for survivors. This time, it was our turn to help, in any way we could. It always amazes me to see people come together in situations like this. To help, give, and heal...with no thought, and no hesitation....no concern over it being just another stranger, or to race, or religion. In situations like that fateful day in September, it's about compassion for fellow human beings. I see that happening, and I wonder...WHY can we not have peace in the world??

On this day, I remember. I remember Mr. Daniel Lugo, whose tribute you see above is my small part in the project "2,996" which has brought bloggers from all over the world together, each to honor one specific victim with a tribute in their memory. I hope I did Daniel justice with mine. I also remember each of the 2,995 others who were lost on this day five years ago. My heart goes out to each and every one of their friends and family on this difficult anniversary.

Join me in remembering, won't you?

Update.

Mom went into the hospital on Monday. They were going to put her in ICU but decided to give her a regular room for now so that family can come and visit her. We still don't know very much, and they haven't done any surgeries on her yet, possibly will be doing one on Friday. From what I've heard from what MrKB's found out, there is even more than the 3 masses already found. He talked to her this morning, and she herself doesn't know anything. The hospital has been running like a gazillion tests on her, and still has tests to run, but they haven't been telling her the results of any of them. She says her doctor keeps beating around the bush about it, and it's pissing her off. I don't blame her! The not knowing would drive me insane. She talked to the hospital administrator and told him that she can't take the being kept in the dark and that she wants to know everything step by step, not when they finally finish all the freaking tests.

I don't think I've ever had a more stressful few weeks in my life. Hubby is still quite upset, and has broke down a couple times. I haven't cried much yet...I feel like I need to be the strong one this time, for him. He actually said at one point while in tears, "I'm not ready to lose my Mama." He's NEVER called her Mama in all the time we've been together! It really broke my heart to hear my husband, who has always been so strong for me, sound like such a lost little boy! All I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold him close. I can't fix this for him, and I hate it!

On top of everything else, we still have her kids staying with us. Two extra kids (ages 10 and 9) and that means more food to buy...more laundry to do...more overall aggravation. They don't have any idea what all is going on yet, we haven't told them. All they know is that Mom is sick and has to be in the hospital for a bit. I'm guessing they'll be staying with us indefinitely. They have school, and their Dad goes to work hours before they leave and gets off work hours after they get out. Then of course Mom needs him with her at the hospital as much as he can.

Insert big sigh here...

Oh yeah...I got the first couple of bills from my own hospital stay...$866 for anesthesia?!!? WTF?? and something like $349 for the CT scan they did on my belly. Already over $1,000 worth of bills, and that's not counting the ones I'll be getting from the hospital itself....or the doctors....Good grief.

Please...we need all the prayers we can get!! And if you wanna send me money, that helps too! (only halfway joking there...but I don't expect it, really! This is definitely a time when I wish there was such a thing as a Money Tree!)

Anyway, I'll let y'all know when I know....Thank you all for the comments on my last post! Oh, and I'll let you know about the drama filled weekend, sometime soon...that happened the one BEFORE I had my surgery. It was a doozy, lemme tell you. I've had a post about it in draft, but I haven't got around to finishing it yet. I will tell you this much...I literally lost my best friend.

How Much More???

As if we don't have enough drama in our lives already...this weekend is a good example of irony. You know last weekend I spent it in the hospital getting an appendectomy. (I am doing fine, still a little sore, and still can't pick up Meghan or even vacuum the floor, but I'm healing well.) We were supposed to watch my Mom-in-law's kids that weekend, and she ended up watching ours (again!) instead. I felt SO guilty, you wouldn't believe!

Well, THIS weekend, we have her kids so she could have a garage sale without them underfoot. Last night SHE went to the same hospital E.R. that I did, because she has had a horrible headache for two days that she couldn't get rid of. We thought it might be stress, but the doctors there discovered THREE tumors in her head!! MrKB is down right now at his Aunt's house where she spent last night and apparently the family has decided he's the one that should make any of Mom's medical decisions. The doctor wants to talk to him...I'm not sure if it's the one she saw at the E.R. or the neurosurgeon she's going to see on Tuesday.

Don't know if y'all saw the irony of the situation...I just found it ironic that just last weekend she watched our kids while I went to the E.R. and this weekend we are watching hers while she went to the same E.R. She would be staying in the hospital too, but they didn't have any beds available. I guess I lucked out last weekend.

All I know so far is about the 3 masses that were found in her head, and apparently the doctor is wanting MrKB's Aunt and Uncle to wake her up every two hours and check on her.

My question is how much more are we going to have to deal with??? Besides the stuff with the girls, we've also been dealing with watching MrKB's Dad battle cancer. We've watched him deteriorate A LOT in the past year, and don't expect him to make it much past Christmas. Found out recently that MY Granddad has lung cancer...MrKB's Aunt (the same one taking care of Mom now) has also been battling cancer for awhile now. She is stage 4 and doctors don't give her much time left either, but to look at her you wouldn't have a clue she's even sick! So that's 3 people close to us...Now this with Mom! No idea yet if these tumors are cancerous or benign...let's hope they're benign, and they can get them out.

This all just really sucks...and I'm scared.

*edit* Yeah, so he just came back home to let me know what's up....It's definitely fucking cancer...not only in her brain, but apparently her lungs too, which is where the doctors think it started. My poor hubby is trying so hard to keep himself together. Now he has BOTH parents with a cancer diagnosis, and it doesn't look good for either one of them.

Spent My Weekend in the Hospital

Yep, me. In the hospital! Friday I woke up to my belly hurting, and it hurt all day long. Wasn't getting any better, and wasn't a pain I'd had before. Finally, that evening we decided maybe I better go to the E.R. Good thing I did...turned out to be acute appendicitis, and I had my appendix removed around midnight Saturday.

First surgery I've ever had, and I also ended up staying a couple days in the hospital afterwards. My white blood cell count was highly elevated and they had me on IV antibiotics. Besides my appendix being swollen and close to the point of bursting, I also had an infection. Fun weekend...NOT!

I'm at home now, and recovering...just wanted to post real quick and let y'all know. I'll be ok...MrKB is taking off of work tomorrow and was due for his vacation the first week of September, so he's going to see if he can just go ahead and start it early, so he can take care of the kids while I recover from surgery. I can't pick up Meghan or anything right now, which sucks...she doesn't like it either.

Hope y'all had a better weekend than me!

I am SO Freakin' Excited!!!!

So excited I almost can't stand myself!!

Yesterday I was over at MySpace just passing some time....I was bored, so decided to do a search of a couple names of people I know and haven't been in touch with for awhile. First couple I came up with nothing...then I put in the name of a cousin of mine who lives in Maine. I've googled him several times over the years, hoping to find out what happened to him. We lost touch years ago, and it always made me sad.

Well, I FOUND HIM!!!!! That's not the best part, though! We talked until 2:30 am on Yahoo last night, just kinda catching up. We talked about him coming to visit me here in Oklahoma sometime, and he goes "Well, I have the next 11 days off with nothing to do until school starts again." Next thing I knew, we were both checking flight prices online, and then he actually booked a flight, printed out his ticket, and WILL BE HERE TOMORROW!!!! This is BIG, y'all!! Do you realize it's been 21 YEARS since we've seen each other????

Damn, I'm excited!!! I can't freakin' wait!! We're gonna have a blast together!

Yeah, I Know...

I pretty much suck at posting with any kind of regularity lately...but I try! Really I do! The last few days I've been over at MySpace messing around making a new layout. Check it out if you wanna, I'm pretty proud of myself, 'cuz the background pic on the layout code didn't work...it had been removed due to high bandwith usage, so I did my own. I also made my own Contact Table and Online icon thing. I SO rock! LOL I've actually been learning a little bit about HTML stuff while trying different things. You can see my page here and I had so much fun doing mine, that I made an account for MrKB and did a page for him also, that you can see here. Please take a look and let me know what you think! I also made the Contact Table on his, too, as well as the Extended Network banner and the background. Yep, I'm proud! :) (Plus if you go look you'll get to see pics!)

So, anyway...I was reading a few blogs, and I've been seeing lately quite a few bloggers with a button in their sidebar saying they are honoring a particular person who was a victim of September 11th. Chris is the latest one I noticed, so I decided that I would participate also. I will be honoring Daniel Lugo with a post of my own on September 11th. He was 45 years old at the time he was killed at the World Trade Center.

The idea behind this project is to have one blogger post for each of the victims of that day. There were 2,996 victims, so we'll need 2,996 bloggers to commit to posting about a certain person that lost their life. I was number 1,881 to sign up, so we still need a lot more to get involved. Such a simple thing to do, won't you sign up too?? You can go here to read the blog that's been set up about this touching tribute project, and go here to sign up for your own tribute. See my cool button over there ------> with my links in the sidebar? You can get one of those for yourself too. C'mon, y'all...it won't take a lot of time or effort! Please join us in remembering those who died!

As an Oklahoman, from Oklahoma City, who will never forget April 19, 1995 when the Murrah Building was bombed, New York and September 11th touched me deeply, and I am honored to be a part of this project. Won't you be, too?

Adoption...

No...not my adoption of the girls, I don't have any news on that other than I finished the paperwork for the "application for adoption" and got it sent in. Now I hurry up and wait. Andy's foster parents' lawyer says this should all be done by the end of the year. So hopefully by Christmas, they will be ours forever!

All this adoption stuff has got me to thinking about my own. You see, the man I call "Daddy" is not my biological father. Even so, he is definitely Daddy! He's been there for me since I was younger than Meghan is now, and he means so much to me. He adopted me when he and my Mom got married, and gave me his last name. His is the name on my birth certificate where the Father's name goes.

I've known since I was a kid that he wasn't my biological father. My Mom told me that the man who got her pregnant when she was 19 took off when she told him, and never wanted anything to do with me. She's even told me that when I lost my hearing in my good ear at 10 years old she got in touch with him to try and find out some medical history, and she says that he STILL didn't want anything to do with me, 10 years later.

Forgive me if this post doesn't always make sense. I've just got these thoughts going around in my head, and I'm trying to get them out.

Anyway....so I'm grown up now...34 years old and have never met my biological father. He's never contacted me. I don't even know if he's tried to find me, but he's got a better chance of finding me than I do him. Why? Because my Mom REFUSES to give me any information about him other than his name is "David" and he had red hair. That doesn't help in a search, that's for sure.

Believe me, I've TRIED several times to get her to give up more information, but she just won't!! She's stubborn and has her reasons, I suppose, but I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW!! She told me one time when I was asking her that it would really hurt my Daddy if I was to go looking for biodad. So a bit later I sat down with Daddy and talked to him about it. Maybe it hurt him a little to know that I wanted to know, but he didn't show it, and he told me he understood. He said that he thought it might hurt my Mom more. He gave me his blessing, but he wouldn't give me any information about biodad either. He might honestly not know though...but he said it wasn't his place to tell me, that it was something my Mom had to do.

I don't know.

It makes me angry with my Mom. Why can she not see and understand that I need to know? I have the right to know where I "come from". My biological roots. I don't look like my sister at all, and only a little like my Mom. My sister is lucky, by the way, Daddy IS her biodad...so she KNOWS where she comes from. Half of my family tree I'm only related to by marriage!

I wonder if I look like him....I wonder if I have other brothers or sisters out there somewhere...I wonder if they know about me...I wonder if he ever thinks of me, or regrets not knowing me...I wonder if he's ever tried to find me. (I've spent hours on adoption search boards though, and have never found anyone looking for me.)

Trying to get my original birth certificate would be difficult. Adoptions are closed here in Oklahoma...at least ones from when I was born. To get my original certificate, I would have to go to the courts and try and get my records opened. If it ever comes to that, I will, but I hope it doesn't.

My Granddad is not my Mom's biodad either, but at least she KNOWS who hers is...though I've heard stories that he's not a nice man at all. But still, she knows.

It's not her right not to tell me. I should be able to make the decision of whether or not I want to contact him. And if I do, and I find out myself that he doesn't want a relationship with me, so be it. I just want the chance to know.

My girls will know they are adopted when they are old enough to understand. I will tell them who their bioparents are and how they came to be adopted. I don't want them to find out on their own when they're teenagers or something that the people they know as their Aunt and Uncle are actually their parents, and Mom and Dad are really their Aunt and Uncle. I know that if I grew up and found out something like that it would make me very angry. Being partially adopted myself, I feel they have the right to know. Right now, of course, they aren't old enough to understand.

Ugh...Every time I get to thinking about this, I get mad at my Mom. I've tried MANY times to get her to give me information, but it gets me nowhere. She just can't, or won't, see things from my point of view. I'm thinking about asking my Grandmother, but I don't know if she'll tell me either. Can't hurt to ask.

Thanks for listening to my vent....it's been on my mind for awhile lately, and I needed to get some things out.

Horses Need Help!

I came across this post over at Kidd's about Blaze's Tribute, an Oklahoma-based non-profit horse rescue group. She received the following email from them this morning:

Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue
August 8, 2006

Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue, Inc. is a non-profit Organization that strives to improve Neglected, Starved, and Abused Horses' Lives. We provide Equine Rescue regardless of age or disability. We provide Rehabilitation, Education, and Adoption Services. We promote and teach horse care and humane, natural methods of training for horses.

EMERGENCY REQUEST FOR DONATIONS!

We are in desperate need of donations. We are currently caring for 32 horses at this time. Hay prices continue to increase. Unfortunately, with the drought-like conditions, more and more horses are being neglected and leaving us at full capacity. Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue is currently spending $440.00 a week on 8 Round Bales of Bermuda Hay, and $210.00 a week on 1 ton of Grain. We have limited funds available to barely meet our feed needs, therefore, many medical conditions are left untreated due to the lack of funding. We are extending an Emergency request for Donations in order to get us through the remainder of the summer. Please consider sending any amount possible, as anything will be greatly beneficial and much needed.

We also request that you share this with all your friends and family. Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue needs Donators, but we also need Adopters. We have many wonderful horses available for immediate adoption. Please tell everyone that you know that may be seeking to add a horse in their family to come visit us. You can view all of our horses available for adoption online at: http://blazesequinerescue.com. You can also place your donations online through PayPal.

Donations can be mailed to:
Blaze's Tribute Equine Rescue
17667 Markita Drive
Jones, Oklahoma 73049

Remember, all donations are tax deductible according to the current IRS regulations. Donations of Hay or Grain are also accepted and welcomed. You may contact Natalee or Shawn Cross at 405-399-3084 or 405-615-5267 or e-mail at blazesequineresc@aol.com.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT! BLAZE'S TRIBUTE EQUINE RESCUE, INC. WOULD NOT BE WHAT IT IS TODAY WITHOUT YOUR ASSISTANCE. TOGETHER WE CONTINUE TO SAVE HORSES IN NEED DAILY.

"SUCCESS COMES ONE BIT AT A TIME."

I wish I could send them something to help out! Best I can do for now is spread the word. MrKB has always wanted to get a couple of horses of our own someday...they are his favorite animal! Until we have a house and not an apartment, that will be impossible. Please help these people if you can, and pass the word along!

Difficult Anniversary...

August 8, 1993...that was one of the worst days ever in my life...the day I miscarried the baby that took a year to conceive. I was about 2 months along, and lost it in the waiting room bathroom of the ER, since this particular hospital had me waiting over FIVE hours to even be seen. (My Dad was furious when he found out!)

So, yeah...It's been 13 years since that day, and it's still very painful. More so considering I haven't been pregnant since.

Excuse me while I go cry now...

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!

Life gets in the way sometimes, doesn't it? Sorry for the lack of updates since my last post! I am here now, and have been catching up on reading your blogs. Takes quite awhile to go through that blogroll of mine!

Anyway, part of my absence was due to things beyond my control. My friend's boyfriend updated some software on my computer. I was running Windows98se, and he installed XP for me. Trouble was it wasn't working right at first...I could get online, but could only go to two or three sites before I would just get "page cannot be found" over and over. I would have to reboot my computer only to have the same thing happen! Believe me, I was VERY frustrated!! He came over again and got it working like it should (though there are still issues with it and IE...I haven't been able to leave comments on a few of your blogs, for one thing.) THEN I lost my internet connection for almost a week!!! Ack! Dang bills...

Things with this XP are gonna take some getting used to! Some stuff looks different, like the Blogger Dashboard I'm typing on now. Fonts are different for the most part, at least to me.

So...here I am...not much going on in my life really. Well, I am having some problems with this girl who is supposed to be my best friend, but I don't want to get into it here because she knows about my blog. Kinda sucks, 'cuz it would help to vent to y'all. I vent to MrKB, but he got all mad at me the other day because I was pissed off all day long and he's the only person that was here to talk to (really he's my true best friend...check that, pretty much my ONLY friend) and I guess he got tired of my bitching, 'cuz he got the attitude that he didn't want to hear anything anymore. He said, "You've bitched all fucking day about everything, you go through all that's bothering you, then you start all over again." Well....EXCUUUUUUSE ME for thinking I could talk to you! It wasn't like I was bitching AT him, it was more like TO him. I guess I can understand though. I WAS in a very foul mood that day, and you know how it is when you are around someone else that's in a bad mood...it starts to affect your own mood.

I just discovered a few minutes ago, that Meghan has two more teeth coming in! There's two more on the bottom front that I can just barely see, but they're there! :) She's had more teeth start to come in this past month than any other so far. These two will be her 7th and 8th. I really need to get out her baby book and write this stuff down! I'm glad I have a blog so I can go back in my archives to check dates on some things.

There's a new casino in Norman, OK called Riverwind. It is freakin' HUGE! We've been twice now, and it's not bad. It's got thousands of slot machines, lots of blackjack and poker tables, a couple of sit-down restaurants, along with a Burger King, Taco Bueno, and a couple other little fast food places right there in the building. Also has a theater for performances by bands and such. They have Pat Benatar coming soon, and also Jewel, the Commodores and others I forget right now. I'm hoping maybe my favorite comedian, Bill Engvall will be on the list before too long. He does shows a quite a few casinos around the country, so who knows?

I don't know what else to blog about right now. I am fine, the girls are fine, no new news on the adoption front at the moment. So I will end this post here and hit publish. Thank you to all y'all who left comments asking about me, and thanks Velma for keeping me in the loop! ;) Big hugs!

It Really IS Amazing...

How much Meghan has grown and changed since the day we brought her home from the hospital! I got to thinking that the pic from last year I threw in with this year's really doesn't show you...so I decided to make a post of pictures from the very first day we ever saw her so you can really see for yourselves! LOL This should keep me busy for awhile!

This is MrKB holding Meghan at the hospital on the day we got to see her for the first time. She's not quite 3 weeks old here.

This one was taken the evening of the day we brought her home from the hospital...3 weeks old and still so tiny!

Meghan at 2 months old.

Meghan at 3 months old.

Meghan at 4 months...this is one of my all time favorite pictures of her.

Meghan at 5 months....gettin' big! :)
Meghan at 7 months...don't she look pretty?
Meghan at 8.5 months...this one was taken on Destiny's 3rd birthday.
Meghan at 10 months old, and the first time she really got sick...poor thing was miserable!
I think she's 10 months old in this one too...if I remember correctly, we took it after she got better.
Easter portrait...taken on her 1st birthday. :)
With Mommy at her 1st Birthday party. Hmmm...looking at these pics now, it seems her hair turned blonde somewhere between 10 months and a year old.

This one was taken just a couple days ago. This is her feeding herself with a spoon for the very first time. 15 months old!
Last one, I promise! Took this one just a few minutes ago...not the greatest picture since I couldn't get her to be still! Had to snap it while she was on the run. Man, she's grown!

Picture Post :) (FINALLY!!)

Some friends of ours came over Friday evening to visit (*gasp* ADULT company!!) and it was miserably hot and humid so we decided to go to the pool here in our complex. It was the first time since the pool opened that we actually went, and boy did it feel great! I took the camera with me since the girls hadn't been since last summer. Meghan was only a couple of months old then, and Destiny was scared.

This year, Meghan is 15 months old (as of the 13th!) and she loves playing in the tub, but she wasn't too sure about swimming. She was kinda tired, though, maybe if we take her when she's at her most alert she'd have more fun. Destiny is 3 1/2 now, and she was scared at first...I suppose all that water is kinda intimidating to a kid her age. She had on a life jacket, of course, and if we let go of her she just would tip over backwards or even sideways! Kinda funny, but only scared her even more. The problem was she wasn't moving her arms and legs at all. Once we got her to really get her legs kicking and use her arms too, she actually swam and started having fun! I was so proud of her! :)

So, without further ado, here are the few pictures I did manage to get, with minimal editing. (I had to lighten a couple and remove red eye in at least one.)

Daddy and Destiny...of course she WOULD close her eyes just as I snapped the picture! This was taken when she was still tipping over if we let go of her. LOL

Destiny with our friends in the background. She was practicing swimming on her back in this one. Once she finally caught on to what we were telling her, she did really well going forwards on her belly. I would walk backwards in front of her, staying just out of her reach....she went back and forth across the pool all on her own steam. (and a little encouragement from Mommy!












Couldn't get these last three arranged quite how I wanted them...The one with Meghan in a car seat is a pic from last summer when she went to the pool for the first time ever. It's actually the same swimsuit too! She's 3 months old in that pic...wanted to post it so you could see how much she's grown in a year.

Pics above are of Meghan and my friend, and of Meghan and Daddy...you can see she's not too sure about the swimming thing!

Hope you enjoyed them...sorry it's not that many, but it took FOREVER just to get these up!

Ughhhh...Stupid Blogger!

We took the girls swimming last night for the first time this summer, and I took a few pictures I wanted to share with y'all, but Blogger ain't lettin' me!

I will try again later!

Update

First, I had to turn of the anonymous comment option....I rarely ever had spam, and between yesterday and today I got 8 spam comments! Annoyed the hell out of me, so I did what I had to do.

This morning my MIL brought her kids over for me to watch while she went to work today. Before she left we were talking about the paperwork that we got to fill out...she adopted the two oldest kids that belong to my BIL, if you remember. Well, apparently she didn't have to do this stuff. The lawyer took care of ALL the paperwork, and all she had to do was go down to his office to sign things when it was all together.

Like I said before...it is the EXACT same paperwork we did when all this started. Makes no sense to me...why put us through it again when they have all the information they need already?? We're going to contact our lawyer that we've been talking to on and off about this case and see what he has to say. I'm betting he's gonna have a cow when he hears how our caseworker has been handling things!

Wish us luck....and by the way, I can't believe not one single person commented on the last post! That was BIG news! *sniff* and nobody cared?!?

*edit* Thank you Mamamel for your comment! It came while I was typing this post! Y'all...meet Mamamel...she is another foster parent I came across through MrsCoach's blog. :) (sorry I will link later!)

Adoption News

Well, we received some paperwork in the mail finally! But it's not what we were quite expecting...it's an "Application for Adoption". It's basically the SAME stuff we had to do to become foster parents of the girls in the first place. Literally, the SAME stuff, only some of the wording has been changed.

So now we have to fill this out. Stuff about health, work history, background checks, that kinda thing. Also have to get physicals done again at the doctor's office. After that someone will come out to our house to do a "home assessment" AGAIN.

I'm not worried about any of it...I know we passed everything once, we will again. It just seems kinda silly when they could just pull up the records from when we did all this in the first place. Unnecessary paperwork, I suppose is how I feel about it. BUT, it's a start...this will get the ball rolling to where we want to be, and that's to be the legal, official, PARENTS of Destiny and Meghan!

I'll be glad when it's all over!

Ch-ch-ch Changes

Hmmmm...so whaddya think?? I'm not completely sure yet if I'll keep this template or not...I have another that I tried right before this one that I'm considering using too. I do like this one though, and I AM a Sagittarius. Also was pretty cool that it's got my favorite color as the base color.

I don't particularly like the black font. I wish I knew how to change it to maybe a deep purple color that would blend in more with the rest of the template. Anybody know how to help with that?

When I decide for sure which of the two templates I like better, I will get my blogroll and stuff put back in the sidebar. Yes, I backed up my old template...so all I'll have to do is copy the links from there.

Anyway...I'm pretty much over my cold...Yay! MrKB thinks he may have it now though, and Meghan has had a bit of a runny nose....fun stuff. My mood has also been a bit better. Guess not feeling good made me cranky!

I'm a Bit Better...

I still have this nasty cold. Spent most of yesterday sleeping off and on, and ended up in bed for the night at midnight. MIDNIGHT, people! This is early for me...I'm usually up with Meghan until around 2am, then I spend some quiet time at the puter or whatever until I'm tired enough to go to sleep.

What makes this cold more of a pain is the fact that we are broke until payday, and I have no Nyquil or Dayquil or anything for my sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, (slight) fever. Bleh. I went through so many kleenex yesterday I should buy stock! And of course, now my nose is sore.

But, at least it's not strep throat like hubby had a few weeks ago. I hate being sick, but I hate being sick with a sore throat even more! I haven't been sick in maybe two years, so I guess it was overdue. Could be worse! I do kinda wish the kids weren't here...I've only been up for a couple of hours and already I just want to go back to sleep! I'm not so sick though that I can't take care of them. It's just more exhausting than usual. Maybe tomorrow my MIL will keep them overnight so I can really get some rest.

Sorry about the bummer post yesterday...I was feeling down and had to vent. I usually really enjoy the 4th of July! It is one of my top 3 holidays for sure. This year's was just bleh for me. Maybe next year we'll actually get to be at the lake and do the things we used to do before going on the road. I SO need a week at the lake! Seriously...NEED it! Nothing to do but relax with nature and fish all day long. Though if we take the kids with us, it probably wouldn't all be relaxing. Hubby has vacation scheduled for the first week of September. Maybe we'll go then. Need to start getting stuff together now though. We have NO camping equipment anymore since it all got stolen and have to replace everything. If anyone has anything they don't use anymore, donations will be accepted! Hehehe...

Nothing much else going on...still no paperwork...it is endlessly aggravating. I should clean my house since it's been neglected the last couple of days, but....ehhhhh.....it ain't going anywhere!

I Don't Know What to Call This Post and I Don't Really Care

I am in a blah mood. July 4th is usually one of my very favorite holidays out of the year. But this year it was just another day.

We used to go camping every year for the weekend out at Lake Texoma. Obviously didn't do that this year...so that depressed me 'cuz I felt all weekend I should be out at the lake camping and fishing.

Then, all week I'd been looking forward to at LEAST taking the girls out to the park where they have a big festival all day and a fireworks show at night. We didn't take them last year because they were still pretty small. But, wouldn't you know...the day finally arrives, and I AM SICK!! I have a summertime cold apparently...my nose is either stuffed up or running and my head is just all...I dunno..."foggy"...and I just plain don't feel good. I ended up sleeping most of the day. Thankfully hubby was off of work for the day, so he let me rest and he took care of the kids.

Man....

Have I mentioned to y'all that my 13 yr old stepdaughter is visiting?? She was here over the weekend, and will be here tomorrow for the day. We were going to go swimming in the pool, and we got all ready to go, put sunscreen on Des and Meghan, only to get to the pool and find out that it was closed! Bummer. I'm gonna have to take pics when I do get them to the pool. Last year Meghan was only 3 months old and wasn't all that impressed. This year I think she will be a lot more interested in it...she loves to splash the water in the bathtub, so who knows?

We are STILL waiting on the adoption paperwork to arrive in the mail. I'm getting sooo tired of all the delays and excuses the caseworker comes up with. Just get it freakin' done already you stupid bitch! Get these kids OUT of the goddamn system so they can live a normal life!!

Sigh....I think I need to go back to bed.

Have a Safe Holiday!

Back by (Semi) Popular Demand!!!

Yeah, okay...so, HI! You know you missed me, admit it! Sorry for the extended absence, but I really needed a break. I've got a few things to tell y'all about, though nothing really exciting. My life is still boring, but I'm still living it! LOL

Anyway, let's see...Meghan is WALKING now! Oh yes, she's alllll over the house and rarely crawls anymore. Of course, now that she's walking, she's also into anything and everything. Thank goodness for baby gates! She's also FINALLY getting more teeth in...just one so far...her top front left tooth is coming in nicely. The other front tooth I think is still trying to break through the gum. I told MrKB that if they don't both come in together she's gonna look like a miniature hillbilly with just two bottom teeth and one top tooth!

She's also taken to throwing little fits when she's not getting what she wants RIGHT THIS SECOND. She will literally throw herself down on the floor and start screeching and crying...sometimes rolls around a bit for show...she stops just short of actually kicking her feet and pounding her little fists on the floor. I usually ignore her and she stops within a few minutes. When my niece and nephew are here (ages 8 and 10) and she does that, they will hover over her..."Oh Meghan it's okay" or "Here Meghan" (trying to distract her with some toy or whatever)...and she just goes on throwing the fit 'cuz it's Mama she wants not them, and I have to tell them to just leave her alone probably a gazillion times.

Speaking of my niece...a couple weeks ago they were over and all playing in Destiny's room. Niece has a habit of picking Meghan up and trying to carry her around all over the place, even though she's been told not to. Well, they were in there playing and I was sitting at the computer in the living room listening to them. When I sent them in there to play I gave her specific instructions: "Don't be picking Meghan up! Period." Not 20 minutes later the baby starts screaming one of those "I'm hurt" cries...you Mamas out there know the one I'm talking about! I ran around the corner and Meghan is on the floor on the WRONG side of the baby gate, and my niece is hanging across the top of the now fallen gate on her stomach trying to get herself back on her feet. OH, I was PISSED OFF!! Then my nephew pipes up saying "Meghan wanted in there with you." *blink blink* I looked at them and said "The whole point of having the gate up is for her to be in an area where she can run around and play and I don't worry too much about her getting hurt. If I wanted her in here I would come get her myself." Obviously my niece took it upon herself to pick her up and then put her on my side of the gate...in the process she DROPPED MY BABY GIRL and then fell semi-on-top of her!!! Thankfully, Meghan was alright...I think she was more shocked than anything. It took me GREAT restraint to keep from beating my niece senseless though, lemme tell ya, I was NOT happy and I let her know it. So now, neither she or my nephew are allowed to pick her up anymore.

Moving on...

Destiny is still testing her limits, though she's not aggravating me or irritating me quite as much now...I think she's learned most of the limits. Took her in for another appointment at the Child Study Center for a progress check up. She's gotten taller and gained some weight. And they confirmed what I've been telling people all along..she is definitely speech delayed. She will be starting preschool in the fall, and I have to find one to get her in that also has a speech therapist. There's also maybe something wrong with her ears and I need to go have them checked out. The study center checked them with a little machine that puts a digital graph reading on it showing whether or not the eardrum is working properly, and apparently neither of hers are. She SEEMS to hear just fine, but who knows. I hope to god she doesn't have to end up with a life with a hearing aid like I have for the past 24 years. It's such a pain in the ass and makes lots of thing difficult.

Otherwise, both girls are healthy, happy and doing fine.

We are STILL waiting on adoption paperwork to be sent to us so we can get moving in that area. Of course the caseworker has one excuse after the other. Oh, and she came by for a visit yesterday and asked me "Are y'all gonna be at court on Thursday?" *blink blink* Ummm...Hello? Nobody has said anything about it, so how would we know to be there??? Yeah...and I have a WIC appointment on Thursday morning that's been set for months. She said she's not sure if the foster parents HAVE to be there, she'll find out. May just be a continuation of the last court date, where the separation of siblings paperwork was supposed to be filed. (and which the caseworker didn't even show up to, from what I heard). I'm getting SO tired of this kind of bullshit. I'm going to be thrilled when it's all over and I never have to see or talk to this girl AGAIN.

I found out some bad news yesterday. My Granddad has been battling emphysema for awhile now. Been on oxygen more and more every time I see him. Well, I saw my Mom yesterday, and she said something about him having lung cancer. I was like "WHAT??" And she's like "Oh yeah, Granddad has lung cancer and is on the oxygen 100% of the time now." HOW does she forget to tell me stuff like this?!?! Also, his lungs are too far gone for radiation treatments, and he doesn't want to do chemotherapy...so it looks like I will be losing my Granddad sometime this year, if not sometime this summer.

Sigh...I'm getting tears in my eyes just thinking about him being gone. And my poor Grandmother! I don't know how she'll take it when he's gone. They've been married over 50 years.

That's all I can think of to post about right now. I need to go fix lunch for the girls. Thanks for your patience during my break, and a big THANK YOU to those of you who continued to keep me on your blogrolls....to those who kicked me off (you know who you are!) PBLLLTTTTTTT!!!!