Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Holidays are Upon Us

So, yeah! I've been doing okay, Thanksgiving was great with no stresses! As you can see, I'm working on a new template for the Christmas season. Haven't figured out how to put my blog title in there though. This template didn't provide for it. I know very little about HTML coding, so I'll have to figure it out! Unless one of you geniuses out there can tell me! LOL...I did manage to figure out how to add the comments. They weren't there either at first. Gotta have comments! Otherwise I have no clue if anyone is actually reading the drivel that I write.

Let's see now...I'm over my cold! Yay! Meghan is too, and Destiny didn't ever get it, thank goodness. We put our Christmas tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. Meghan really likes it. She'll smile real big when I plug in the lights in the morning, and throughout the day she'll be walking past it...she'll stop and point at it while saying, "See? Seeeee??" lol

A few days ago I woke up and found little Miss Meghan standing at the foot of my bed!! Yup! Seems she's figured out how to climb out of the Pack 'n Play. It was quite a shock to open my eyes and see her standing there. Not only did she climb out of her bed, but she toddled all the way down the hall and managed to open my bedroom door! It may not have been shut all the way to begin with, but who knows? She still wasn't where she was supposed to be!

The weather here today is atrocious! Just a couple of days ago temps were in the upper 60s and 70s and had been for at least a week. Temps dropped dramatically last night and we had freezing rain. It was snowing this morning when I got up and it snowed all day long. Yeccchhhh!! MrKB took Meghan outside for a minute to see it and she doesn't quite know what to think of it. She didn't like the coldness of it one bit, though! November sure is going out with a bang...

Lots of birthdays in my family lately. My youngest stepdaughter turned 14 on November 10th. My Mom and my nephew both had a birthday on November 24th. My nephew is 3 years old already, I can't believe it!! My Grandmother's birthday is on December 2nd, my niece will be 5 on the 3rd, MY birthday is December 5th! Send presents!! :) My cousin and friend's birthdays are on the 19th, and little Miss Destiny will be 4 years old on New Year's Eve. All those birthdays and I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet!

I used to really love this time of year. It's hard now, though. How do you buy presents for so many with just a few hundred dollars, if that? The Christmas stress has begun! I will manage, don't worry! Won't be anything spectacular gift-wise, but the kids will have to live with it. Yeah...speaking of...I did mention before that my two teenage stepdaughters will be up to visit this year, didn't I? One of them wants a digital camera and has been heavily dropping hints about it. LOL...I should really start shopping in July, but when you live paycheck to paycheck with no credit cards, it just never seems to happen.

Gotta go get started on dinner! Hope y'all are staying safe and warm!! :) Excuse the dust around here while I fine tune the new template!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Myspace Layouts

I hope y'all have a wonderful holiday! We are just staying home this year and avoiding the stress of which family we spend the day with. MrKB is fixing a turkey and all the trimmings for us and the girls. I, of course, am in charge of clean-up...which is just fine with me! :)

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us to all of you! Be safe!
Myspace Layouts

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Nobody Told Me...

What they thought about the new Blogger Beta. I haven't switched yet, and am still wondering if I should. I just don't any opinions on it are welcome!

Still sick with a cold....unfortunately Meghan has it too. :( Poor thing! BUT, she is up and playing as normal, just is congested and runny nose and all that. She's sleeping more too, of course...which is good for her AND me since I just feel so run down the last few days. It doesn't help that Aunt Flo came to visit at the start of this cold, either. Bah! MrKB has a bit of this cold too, but so far Des is okay. Kids with colds I can handle, even if I'm sick too...but PLEASE oh PLEASE don't let them get throwing-up sick. Ugh! Mine are at the age right now that they'll just let it go wherever they are. Won't be so bad when they're older and can at least make it to the toilet or something.

Guess who just tried to call me a few minutes ago? Yeah...that one friend...the one that was supposed to be my best friend. Matoaka. I didn't answer when her parent's number came up on the caller I.D. She just asked us to give her a call...please. Heh... MrKB talked to her sister the other night. Maybe last night or the night before. She asked him if we'd cut all ties with Matoaka, and he told her about the night she was supposed to come over and didn't. Remember? The one that upset me so much and made me write that letter? Yeah, this is the first time we've heard from her since, and that was before Halloween.

By the way, I didn't end up sending that letter. I'm not sure why. It made me feel a lot better getting it out on here where SOMEBODY could read it, and the fact that so many of y'all understood helped too. I'm not taking it down now, so I suppose if she googled herself she'd find it, but I don't care. If she does, she does...she'll know how badly she screwed up and how she really made me feel. I don't know if we'll return her call or not. Part of me wants to give her one LAST chance to make things right between us. I DO love her and miss her very much...heh, phone's ringing again and it's her....

I know she knows that I'm home. I wonder what she thinks about me not answering the phone?

Anyway, like I was saying...part of me wants to give her one last chance to make things right. But then a lot of me just doesn't want to be hurt again. If I did give her another chance, it would be a very long time before I trusted her. I don't even know if I would ever completely trust her like I did before. And that sucks...

I've spent the last few days finally going through all the pics on my computer and getting them burned to disk. Do you know I had over 2 GB of just pictures?!?! Good grief, I didn't even know I had that many! Hopefully now my computer will run better. Still need to defragment, but I'll do that tonight probably before I go to bed.

That's all I've got for now. Sorry I've been such a sucky blogger lately, I'm way behind on my blog reading too. My heart's just not in it these days. I DO stop by still...even if I don't always comment! Y'all are my friends now, and with you guys, I will be okay! :)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Oh, I've Got Fun Now


I'm siiiiiiiiicckkkk!!!! :( It seems I have gone and caught my first cold of the season. Joy. Hubby actually asked me today if I wanted to go shopping and I said *gasp!* "No"! He kinda laughed at me and said, "You really DON'T feel good, do you?" Well, duh! The left side of my nose is pretty much constantly stuffed up, and the right side will be running. Ain't that a bitch? It's like my sinuses or whatever couldn't agree on which way to make me suffer more and decided they'd each do one or the other. Every now and then they switch on me just for shits and giggles.

I hope this is just a cold...I've had a little bit of a fever on and off. Do you get fevers with colds?? If you do, what do you do then? Starve the cold or feed the fever??! My throat hurt this morning when I woke up but it's fine now. I HATE having a sore throat with a passion. I don't mind having the worst cold in the world as long as my throat doesn't hurt. Well, I do mind, but you know what I mean. I haven't had much of an appetite either. When I have eaten, you know, 'cuz you're supposed to do hasn't been very much.

Yeah...and this morning when all I wanted to do was sleep, I couldn't, because we had a caseworker coming over and I had to clean the house. That didn't take that long, but I had like zero energy. The caseworker was doing some more paperwork on the home assessment thing for the adoption. I got to read her rough draft of the report and it's all good, no worries there. But you know, she's like one of THREE different caseworkers who've been out for home assessment purposes. She called a few days ago and one of the things she was needing was copies of our driver's licenses and the insurance on our vehicle...we'd JUST given copies of all that to a different caseworker like a week before!!! So of course we're saying "Didn't we just DO that?" I mean, really! Is there not one big file with all the millions of pieces of information we've given to them?? Do caseworkers not talk to each other and compare notes??? I guess not!!

I've said it once, and I'll say it again...I will be SO glad to be done with DHS and caseworkers! I know they're just doing their jobs, but geez louise. I know, I's all going to be worth it in the end, when we can finally say that legally...the girls are OUR daughters! I do know that, and I will continue to do whatever I'm expected to do. It's just been a long, long, rough and trying year and a half. I just can't wait to do a post with the title "ADOPTION DAY!!" LOL

Well....typing this post has worn me out...think I'm gonna go lay back down on the couch and be miserable some more! Right after I kick hubby's snoring ass off of it 'cuz he's laying in the most comfy spot.

*Note to self* You are gonna have a VERY sore nose if you don't go to the store and get some Puffs with Lotion sometime tomorrow. Some Dayquil and Nyquil couldn't hurt either....

Friday, November 17, 2006

I Saved a Stranger's Life Last Night

It's funny how things happen sometimes. Last night I was playing a game at and chatting with people in the room. This one girl mentioned some problems she'd been having in her life, and that she'd tried to commit suicide back in September. I told her I was very glad she wasn't successful, and then I said, "If you ever get to the point where you are considering it again, just remember that suicide is a very permanent solution to temporary problems." I also said that any time I hear talk of suicide, I am reminded of a line from the movie "It's a Wonderful Life". The angel says to Jimmy Stewart, "Each man's life touches so many other lives, that when he's gone, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

We talked for awhile longer, then it was getting late, around 3am, so we all wound down to go to bed. As I was shutting down Pogo, I noticed I had a message...from someone I didn't know. The header line said simply, "Thank you". Out of curiousity I clicked to read it, and this is what I found:

Hello my name is lilaces you don't know me but I just wanted to send you a message and say thank you for the advice you gave to Ornery because three weeks ago my wife passed away and on Tuesday I found out that my mistress had a miscarriage with my baby and I was really thinking about ending my life because I didn't feel I had anything left to live for but you made me realize that what I'm going through is temporary and soon things will get better. SO thanks again and bless you!

Isn't it funny how things work out sometimes? I can't begin to tell you how getting this message made me feel. He never said a single word in the chat room, but took the time to send me this message and let me know. What if he hadn't been in there and seen those simple words I typed to another that ended up meaning so much? What if I had not been there to say them? Would he be just another statistic? Who knows...but it made me feel incredibly good to know that I had helped somebody make the decision to keep living their life, no matter how hard it may be right now. Even from the depths of this depression I've been going through for weeks, I was a bright spot...a somebody else's life. Simply amazing!

I replied back to the message with this:

Wow! Oh my goodness, I don't know what to say! I'm so glad you happened to be in the room at the time!! You brought tears to my eyes...thank you for letting me know.

I'm very sorry to hear about the rough times you've been having. I understand, as I've had some of my own lately, for example my mother-in-law being diagnosed with brain tumors and has been through one surgery already with several more ahead of her.

Sorry for the loss of your wife, I know that had to be, and still be, very hard to deal with. I've also been through a miscarriage, and it is painful emotionally as well as physically.

If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a message! I'm a good listener. ;) And yes...the stuff you're going through is only temporary! Suicide is a very permanent solution. Hugs!!!

Yeah....then this morning I found this message:

I'm glad too it's funny how God works because I was actually going to go straight to bed instead of going on to Pogo but something made me go onto Pogo.
Yeah I'm really upset about the rough times too but besides that it's really hard. I'm sorry to hear about your hard times I hope everything works out and you will be in my prayers.
Yes the death of my wife was and still is very hard because we were together for ten years but married for five she became my everything and we didn't know how sick she was until the day she died so we didn't even have time to prepare for it. It's so hard for me that I can't even go back to our house. And I actually TRIED to kill myself and was sent to the hospital.
But I just want to thank you again and say that you truly are an angel. I will write if I ever need someone to talk to and thanks again! Hugs and kiss

Now, I never claimed to be an angel, LOL....but I guess in this case maybe I was, at least for him. I went to bed thinking of this stranger I'd never met, but who I helped so much without even realizing at the time. I woke up thinking about him too.

I feel good.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Hiya....Thanks to those of you who inquired about me! I am fine, just have been pretty down the last couple of weeks, so I didn't want to just blog about depressing stuff. For right now I'm just taking things day by day.

Destiny has taken to peeing in the bed, which frustrates me to no end. She went SO long after going into "big girl panties" full time without having a single accident. I'm talking at least a good couple of months! Now it seems she's wetting the bed every two or three days!! Despite the fact that we've both told her that if she has to pee while in bed, that it's okay for her to get up and go to the potty. I'm at the end of my rope, so starting tonight she'll be back in pull-ups at night. She's not happy about that, but we gave her several chances, then told her that if she wet the bed once more she'd be back in them. Very aggravating...

I still don't have my copies of pics of the kids from Halloween. Need to ask Dad about them. Man, I wish I hadn't forgotten to take my camera with me!

Still haven't heard from my supposed best friend at all. I guess it really is over, as much as it pains me. It's actually a big part of this depression I'm in right now. She was not only my best friend, but pretty much my ONLY friend. I'm so shy that it is very hard for me to make friends, plus it doesn't help that I don't really trust people anymore, due to shit that's been done to me in the past. I'm not gonna go into detail about any of that, but let's just say that the trust wasn't lost overnight. I am usually an optimist, looking for the good in everything and everyone, but now....I just don't know. Heh...I was talking to MrKB the other day, and said to him, "How sad am I that all my friends are in my computer??" He laughed about it, but y'all know what I mean. On my MySpace, I have like 74 friends....several of them are family, but every one of them (with the exception of like Kenny Chesney and Garth Brooks) is somebody I know online one way or another. Well, there are a few from high school, but that's it. In real life? Nobody.

Enough of that. That's exactly why I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks. I don't want to sound like a loser who is looking for a pity party! Blogger keeps telling me to switch to the "new version". I haven't yet because, well, I just don't like changing things I'm used to, and I haven't been too sure about how well it worked. You know, being "beta". How many of y'all have made the switch to the new version? How do you like it? Does it seem to work well? What kinds of new features are there?? I may go ahead and switch if y'all think I should. I just want some of your opinions first.

Not a lot going on with me, really. I've got a boring life! Haven't been able to go out without the kids in quite awhile, since our regular babysitter has been so sick most days due to brain tumors. Just haven't been able to find anyone else to watch them. I sometimes hate being at home all the time. Sometimes I really miss the days when it was just me and MrKB, and if we wanted to go somewhere we could, without worrying about what to do with the kids. I know I'm not the first one to feel like that by any means, and don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back to those days for anything! I waited way to long to be a Mama! Just can't help but miss it sometimes.

So, for now, I leave y'all with a song that kinda says what I've been feeling lately. Please give it a listen!

"Holding Back the Years" by Simply Red

Holding back the years
Thinking of the fear I've had so long
When somebody hears
Listen to the fear that's gone
Strangled by the wishes of pater
Hoping for the arms of mater
Get to me sooner or later

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on

Holding back the years
Chance for me to escape from all I've known
Holding back the tears
Cause nothing here has grown
I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Cause nothing ever could, yeah

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
So tight

I've wasted all my tears
Wasted all those years
And nothing had the chance to be good
Cause nothing ever could ohhhh yeahhhh

I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
I'll keep holding on
Holding, holding, holding

That's all I have today
That's all I have to say