Thank you to all of you who took the time to comment on my last post! I really do feel a lot better about the situation. Destiny is still getting into trouble a lot, and still gets on my nerves, but I love her very much and we will be okay. I was so relieved to hear that I'm NOT the only Mom who has felt this way...sometimes I think she'd be easier to take if I HAD got to have that time with her when she was a baby. Maybe that's true, but then maybe not.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger....right?? All I know is I am in this for the long haul. If I have anything to say about it, this will be her LAST foster home...it is going to be her FOREVER home.
Something else I have been thinking about, mostly since seeing Aughra's post with her big news. Even though I have these two little girls in my life now, I still desperately want to be pregnant and have a baby of my own with the man I love more than anything. I've tried so long and so hard, all the while watching my brother-in-law have kid after kid that he needed like a hole in his head....while watching my own sister have two kids. That was particularly hard for me. I am the oldest and was supposed to have kids first. Plus, she always said she didn't want kids! All my cousins, except for one, have had babies now. I still feel left out. And I still get a little jealous and envious when I hear someone is pregnant. I am happy for them, don't get me wrong....I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anybody. But it is still hard. Something is obviously wrong somewhere, and I can't afford to find out what it is.
Having Meghan in my life has helped tremendously in easing the pains in my heart. I am scared to death that something will happen for her to be taken away from me, and I don't think I could take that kind of pain. If that was to happen, you will surely find me locked up in a mental institution somewhere! But let's not think about that!!! Positive thoughts, right??
Lots of people told me when we first got Meghan, "Watch, now that you have the baby and are gonna have more kids, you will get pregnant since you won't be dwelling on it as much." Well, here it is 8 months later and still not pregnant. I know, you're thinking, "You've got so much going on already, why in the world would you want more?!?" I don't know. I guess this desire for my own child will never go away. Maybe it's not meant to be...but I sure hope it happens someday.
Anyway...we go back to court this Thursday. After what happened the last time, I am not looking forward to going. Hopefully I am worrying about nothing, and it will be completely different this time around. The biggest thing I'm hoping for is the judge will want us to go ahead and start adoption on the girls. I will feel so much better once they are adopted. I won't have to worry about them being taken from me anymore. There's no reason for them to be taken away, but it's still something you worry about in this kind of situation, believe me.
I'm not expecting any major decisions to be made regarding Andy. Maybe only a court order that we get him on his Spring Break, but that's still a ways away. Apparently we could have had him for at least a week over his Christmas break, but we just didn't think about the fact that he was out of school, and that if we'd asked we could have had him for a longer period of time. Not used to having a school-aged child. This was brought up at the last counseling session...they want us to be having more time with him than just the weekends, but him being in school makes that difficult. The reason being, is that when the judge does decide that he should be with us, she's gonna want him moved right then. The CASA worker and the therapist want him to be used to spending longer amounts of time with us before this happens.
Boy, I've just rambled on and on in this post. All I had originally intended was to say THANK YOU to y'all who commented in the last post. You really made me feel loads better, and it meant a lot to me that so many took the time to comment and share their views. More than you could ever know.
And oh yeah....Diva?? I think you NE bloggers need to come on down into the City and we could all go out to the new casino at Remington. Did ya know that the majority of the machines there don't have those stupid bingo cards on them?? No Redball though..they need to get that. Whatever, though, I'd love to meet up with y'all somewhere for a Girl's Night...that'd be so awesome! :)