Monday, January 30, 2006

A Mixed Emotions Weekend

I hope everybody had a good weekend! Mine wasn't bad, just filled with different emotions.

On Friday my Mom called with some surprising news. My Uncle Jimmy, who's been living in Australia, was in town for a visit. He's one of my favorite uncles and I so rarely get to see him, I was very happy to hear he was in town. We went out to lunch with my Mom, Jimmy, and my sister at Golden Corral. Got caught up as much as we could over the happenings of the last few years. Apparently he is working on moving over to Thailand, where my Uncle Richard has been living the last year or so. I asked my Mom "Why Thailand?" It seems it's pretty cheap to live over there, so that's a big factor. Jimmy has also been thinking about moving back home to the States in the next year or so. I really hope he does!

On Saturday, Meghan reached another little milestone. She can clap her hands now, and it's so cute! I gotta remember to write that down in her baby book, and try to get a picture of her when she's doing it. Still no teeth yet! At this rate, they'll probably end up coming in all at once!

All that was good stuff that happened. What I'm going to share with you next is not exactly bad...more like very sad.

On Friday we went and met with our lawyer. Found out it will cost us 1,500 bucks for him to help us fight for Andy. Plus, he needs it all upfront. Not good. He's still going to be working the adoption on the girls...DHS pays him for that, but not for stuff like fighting for Andy.

Then, Friday evening when we went to pick Andy up for his weekend visit, he was really throwing a fit...did NOT want to go with us. He didn't used to act this way. I don't know if it's because of something someone there has been telling him, or what, but the last couple of weeks he's been really resistant to coming for visits.

All the back and forth stuff is starting to really take it's toll on him, so MrKB and I have done a lot of talking this weekend. We've come to a decision, and it wasn't an easy one to make. We want what's best for Andy, and we don't want to make things harder on him. So we have decided that it is probably better to let him continue to stay where he is, and let the fosters adopt him.

It's not that we don't love him, or think we can't take just as good of care of him. We are just thinking of his best interests, and after much deliberation and soul searching, decided this will be best for him. We will continue to have visits with him, and we will make arrangements for a visitation schedule similar to what a divorced couple would do.

For now, we are going to cut back on the weekend visits. We think every weekend is too much for him right now, so we'll probably be doing every other weekend instead. This will also give us the chance to go out on weekends if we want to...it's easier to get a babysitter for just the girls than all three kids. We haven't got to go out, just the two of us in quite awhile, and we need it!

I suppose now the battle is over...I kinda feel like we're letting Andy down by not fighting more for him. He will understand better when he is older, but for now this is the best decision we can make regarding him. I found out something I didn't know before...the foster home he's in now is his 8TH one. I knew he'd been bounced around, but damn...poor baby. No wonder this whole thing has been starting to really stress him out and upset him.

I hope y'all aren't disappointed in us. It breaks my heart, but believe me, we talked about this A LOT, not just this weekend, but before too. Andy having his meltdown, was just kinda a deciding factor. We want him to be happy more than anything, and he is happy where he's at...he's had stability where he's at, and he needs that right now. I know that if we ended up with him, that EVENTUALLY he would be fine, but the adjustment might take him years.

Not sure what's going to happen next. Don't know if we'll still be having a mediation hearing or not....don't go back to court until April 24th. Hopefully, after the next court date we will be able to move forward on the adoption, and have it final by summer.

Sigh....at least I'll have my little girls.

22 comments:

Monica said...

MKB,

I came over to say thank you for your sweet comment BUT

then I read your post. I think it's important to show you something...you've already showed me you are a good mom. You've already had to do what I've had to do...let him go in hopes that someday he returns to you.

I'm proud of you and I know how you're feeling. Warm thoughts and prayers your way.

Kimberly said...

You have been tagged mamakbear!! Check out my blog to see what it's all about!

lecram sinun said...

You guys did the best under the circumstances for Andy. My heart goes out to him and you. I can't imagine how though a decision it was to make... thank you for sharing. I'll be praying for blessings for all of you.

Amy said...

You guys did everything you could. Sometimes it's just best to step back and regroup. If Andy's being upset by the situation, than it's not the best for him. I'm not disappointed in y'all, I'm just sad because you tried so hard. Hugs to you and Mr. KB!

SignGurl said...

Maybe now you, Mr. KB and the girls can start living. Not that you haven't been before, but it's like you were all holding your breath until Andy was with you.

You are indeed a great mother just for the fact that you are willing to give up Andy to make things easier on him.

I know it's tough now but things will get better for everyone. I wonder if you aren't feeling a little relief now as it is since you aren't having to worry about the Andy situation.

MamaKBear said...

Monica: Thank you, that really means a lot to me!

Kimberly: Whoa, tagged again! Since this makes twice now I've been tagged with that meme, I better get to it!

Lecram: We sure hope it was the best decision. I hate giving up, really I do...but there comes a time when you have to just say it's enough. Thank you for the kind words!

Amy: That's pretty much what we thought too. We did try hard, and I am very sad now...but I'll be okay. Andy's been through enough. Poor little guy! Thank you for making me feel a bit better!

Jenn: Actually, I do feel a bit relieved...but it's not quite over yet. I will feel the most relieved when the adoption is final! Thanks sweetie, your opinion always means so much!

lesbopatticakes said...

You know sometimes we just have to let go and let a higher power take over. You aren't giving up on Andy, you are taking care of him by letting go. I know it hurts but it does not make you a bad person at all. I gave up custody of all 3 of my girls to their father because he was the most stable of the 2 of us. We talked on the phone a lot, now they are my best friends and to top it off they got a wonderful stepmom, Addict...go figure you never know what the future holds.
go easy on yourself

~Lil Deb~ said...

You've been tagged.

Tommy Gunn said...

MamaK,
I am so impressed by you and PapaK's dedication to kids ... I love you for what you do. My dad told me one day not to worry about things ... that they would work out one way or the other, and he was right. Just keep on keeping on, Mama. Love you dearly.
TG

Midwestern City Boy said...

I'm not disappointed. I know how hard it must have been for you and your husband to make such a decision. Its a shame that everyone (you, MrKB, and Andy) were put in such a touch situation. I just hope that his foster parents don't "brainwash" him against you. You have done the noble thing and tried to put him first. For that, you should be commended.

BTExpress said...

I can't imagine how difficult this decision was for you, but it has to always be what's best for the child.

Wenchy said...

I do not know the circumstances as to Andy but I can hear the emotion in your writing... hugs to you.

yep, it's me.... said...

I am so sorry, he might just feel like this would be one more temporary move. Kids, they have short term memory kinda too. I am so sorry and wish you the best. HUGS

Chick said...

You are very brave & kind.

MrsCoach2U said...

You didn't give up on him, you are letting him do what is best for him at this point. It's not to say you are moving away and will never see him again. As he grows older, I'm sure he'll have a better relationship with you for it. My mom gave all of us kids up, there is such a huge difference in what your doing and what the mothers who gave them up in the first place did, please don't confuse it!

Jillian said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. You have done what is right for Andy and that is what parents do.

(((((hugs))))))

The Kept Woman said...

"I hope y'all aren't disappointed in us." What are you goofy? You're like the most open, loving family that is out there. I'm sure you didn't just flip a coin and make the decision. I'm sure it was hard, but like you said, down the road Andy will understand.

Congrats to Meghan and her new hand-clapping skill!!! :)

kellywalters said...

awwww babe.. I love you

addict said...

Never forget that there is a reason for everything... there is a reason for this as well. We don't have to know all of the reasons, but things always pan out the way they are supposed to.

I am proud of you for doing all that you have, but trying to take on "everything" is not always the best way to go...

addict said...

Never forget that there is a reason for everything... there is a reason for this as well. We don't have to know all of the reasons, but things always pan out the way they are supposed to.

I am proud of you for doing all that you have, but trying to take on "everything" is not always the best way to go...

Randi said...

Your decision, though I can imagine insanely difficult, was selfless. We need more of that in the world, consideration for others. You did the right thing.

. said...

I SOOOO feel for you sweetie. I know how it feels to go back and forth. I struggle every day with "Am I doing the right thing, should I jsut drop it?" I'm fighting that even now.

Sometime the best thing doesn't seem like the right thing but we do what we gotta do to make sure it is the best decision for the kids.

Hugz! Thinking of you...Please keep me posted. I apologize for not reading every day but I do lurk from time to time and appreciate you letting me know there was something up!