Trying to keep my sense of humor lately, and came across this awhile ago. Couldn't help but giggle! We're keeping the vultures back a bit longer, and also keeping an eye out for alternate housing...either for the near future or post-adoption. I'm okay...as always, I'm hanging in there!
Tequila Christmas Cake
4 Cups of water
1 Cup of butter
1 Tsp baking soda
1 Cup of sugar
1 Tsp salt
1 Cup of brown sugar
4 Large eggs
1/2 Cup of nuts
1 Bottle of Tequila
2 Cups of dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 Cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 Tsp of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup...just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs, add to the bowl, and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 Cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add 1 table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake pan 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.