Monday, February 27, 2006
Been thinking about how lucky I am to have these two little girls in my life. I really am...I tried for so fuckin' long to have a baby, and it still hasn't happened. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend don't know how lucky they were to be able to have children, and they kept fucking up and not doing what they needed to do to take care of them. You do realize, that between the two of them, there are SEVEN kids...unbelievable!! How can you have that many kids and not do everything you can to take care of them?? How can you take it for granted?? I would feel like the luckiest person just to bring one child into the world.
Seven kids. They don't have a one of them. I just don't understand how God works. Why keep giving people like them kids that they know they can't take care of??? Why deny the ones that want more than anything to have children a baby??
It's not fair.
I know I have two of those kids now, but until they are adopted, they aren't "mine" yet.
I still want the experience of being pregnant, of bringing a child into this world. I want a piece of me and MrKB. Is that too much to ask???
I know my BIL's fuck-up is my gain, at least with two of the kids...the little girls I always wanted, but still...I want a part of me out there.
That said, I've been thinking about how much these two little girls mean to me, and there's a song by Garth Brooks that sums it up:
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES by Garth Brooks
Sometimes late at night
I lay awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinkin' of
If tomorrow never comes
*Edit* Just so y'all know, I didn't end up drinking the other night. Don't want you to think I'm turning to the bottle to destress all the time. Last night I did drink, and I drank alone, but that's okay. And I am just fine this morning, don't worry! :)
Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday was my Daddy's birthday. I had totally forgotten about it! Well, not totally, I'd thought about how it was coming up just a couple days before, but on the actual day I hadn't thought about what the date was until my Mom came by to drop some things off and said something about his birthday. Hate when that happens!
So, once again I wasn't able to get around to everyone's HNTs....we went out to dinner at CiCi's Pizza with Mom & Dad, my sister, and her kids. Then we went to my parent's house for birthday cake, presents, and just to visit for awhile. We got him some Powerball tickets for Saturday's drawing. I told him that if he wins anything over $100 that I want 10%. LOL....kidding, of course!
Today I had to watch my niece and nephew since they were out of school. Speaking of my nephew, my MIL got a letter from the doctor who evaluated him while he was locked up. This doctor says there is nothing wrong with him, that the feelings and thoughts he has are perfectly normal. He also said that the whole point of him keeping a journal was to be able to write down things he might think of that are violent to keep him from acting on them. Also, that the school counselor making his journal public was a breach of confidentiality and that the actions that he took were very wrong.
This was a big relief to all of us, as you can imagine. My nephew has already missed more than 3 weeks of school because of this crap. Mom couldn't even go enroll him elsewhere because of that counselor. He kept saying that "He is a danger to himself and others and I will make sure that he's not allowed in any school." The doctor that sent the letter also included copies for the school and the DHS caseworker that had to come out. Now, at least, she can get him into school somewhere else. She's also looking into getting a lawyer and suing the school counselor, and possibly the school.
Tomorrow we will be going to visit Andy. He's got some birthday parties to go to, so we won't have him for the weekend, even though it is our time to have him. It's alright, though, we don't want to deny him going to his friends' parties. He's missed out on some before already. So, we're all supposed to go meet at a McD's over by his house, along with the kids' Grandfather and older sister. Sucks that I have to get up early on a Saturday, but oh well.
That's all my news for now....got some tequila and I'm waiting for it to get cold. Plan on drinking a little tonight, so if there's any drunk posting, you'll have to forgive me!
One more thing, if you haven't already, please stop by my Johari window and pick 6 words you think describe me best. You can find it here. Thanks y'all!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Anyway, this week's HNT is a couple of pics of what I have been dealing with...took these the other night, and thought they'd be good for HNT.
First is a picture of what Meghan looked like for the majority of the time when she was awake. Doesn't she look pitiful?? The redness on her face is partially from a rash around where her pacifier goes, and partially from having flushed cheeks due to the fever.
Next is a shot of her sleeping snug and safe in my arms. I love holding her while she sleeps, it's one of the times I really feel like a Mommy...I don't know why. I treasure these moments because I know it will be all too soon that she's too big to hold like this.
And finally, the same situation from pretty much my point of view:
Happy HNT y'all! For more Half-Nekkid fun, go and see Osbasso. Click the red button in my sidebar for guidelines.
Feeling a little bit better today...could be the calm before the storm, I haven't been sick in forever, so I'm overdue to be knocked on my ass.
Is it normal for babies to sleep almost constantly when they are sick?? Meghan slept through the night for about 12 hours and wasn't even up an hour before she was asleep again! I know sleep is the best thing for anybody when they're sick, but my goodness....just making sure I shouldn't be worrying. This is also after she slept most of the day too, off and on, but she slept quite a bit.
Have a great day y'all!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Meghan is doing a bit better...still runs a fever up to 102 off and on, and still has diarrhea. I figure the antibiotics will take a couple of days to really start working and getting rid of this crap she has. She is sleeping quite a bit still, and has a cough, but it's not as bad now. The best thing is she is starting to act more like herself.
Thank you guys for all your kind comments and concerns for my precious baby girl! It's greatly appreciated, y'all are awesome!
Sorry for the short post, but I'm gonna go lay down on the couch and take care of me. Bleh.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Speaking of the caseworker...We want to get our taxes filed and done. We need the baby's social security number, so we called her to find out what it was. Get this: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!! Why? Because nobody from DHS ever went and got her one!!! This really irritates us. Meghan is 10 months old and this should have had one a long time ago. This should have been done while she was still in the hospital for that 3 weeks after she was born. Caseworker says she won't be able to do it until the 28th, which I think is crap...it should be made a priority since it's something that should have been done ages ago. We were waiting to get MrKB's W2s from his old company, and now we have them...so now we are just waiting for a SS# for the baby. Sheesh! This is also probably why her Medicaid doesn't have the right last name. It's got her bio-mom's last name, not the last name that all her other brothers and sisters have, and that the hospital told us was on her birth certificate, which is the same as ours!
Read your comment on the last post, Jenn, and I'm a step ahead of you. Meghan was still getting a fever up to 102 today, so we called the doctor to see if she could get her in to see her this afternoon. As a matter of fact, MrKB had the phone in his hand and was looking up the doctor's number when the caseworker called. Got her an appointment at 2:30, so off we went. Turns out that Meghan has a bit of an upper respiratory infection, and also a slight ear infection. Poor baby! No wonder she hasn't been feeling well! Doctor said that Destiny had probably had a rotavirus this week, that caused the diarrhea and fever that she had, (but Des' fever only lasted a couple of days)...then Meghan got the rotavirus first and then probably the respiratory infection which in turn caused the ear infection. That's why her fever got up so high. She got a prescription for Amoxicillin...you know, that bubble gum tasting medicine we all remember having as kids. LOL... Just hoping she doesn't end up having an allergy to penicillin. She's never had any medication like that before, so we just don't know. Have to keep an eye on her for a few doses and make sure she doesn't have a reaction.
After the doctor visit, we went to grab something to eat, then get some groceries, then we had to drop off her prescription to be filled. When we got home at around 5:30, Meghan went to sleep and has been asleep since...it's now 10pm! That trip out and about just wore her plumb out. The day's wore me out too...I went to take a little nap around 6:30 after I got back from picking her medicine up and MrKB woke me up at just before 9:30! I could probably go back to sleep and stay asleep until morning.
Hopefully now Meghan will be back to her old self soon!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Called my Mama 'cuz I was starting to really worry about her. She said we should try to get her temperature down before resorting to taking her to the hospital. So, we gave her some children's Tylenol (again!) and put cool rags on her neck and chest. Oh, she didn't like that part at all, at least not at first, that was the only time she had any fight in her at all. About an hour later we got her temp down to 100.1, and put her to bed.
She's better today, but not 100%. She had a fever of 103 this morning and between doses of Tylenol, she went back and forth between 100-102 most of the day. Checked her awhile ago and it's only 99.3. Hopefully the worst is behind us. Poor little baby! Also today we saw her smile again. :) Hadn't seen it for the last two days. I'm just very thankful that this whole thing hasn't included vomiting!!
Now, for good news....Friday night Meghan took her very first step!! It was just one, 'cuz when she did it, I wasn't expecting it at all and I yelled "Ahhhh!! Did you see that??" LOL She grabbed hold of something, and looked at me like "WTF are you hollering about?!?" I couldn't help it, I got excited. :) At this rate, she's gonna be walking before she ever gets any teeth!
Destiny now has her own room. We took Andy's stuff out of his room and put hers in there. We figure Andy is not gonna be here enough to justify him having his own bedroom. We're putting his bed in Meghan's room with her, along with his dresser and toy box. I think Des likes her new room, 'cuz earlier today MrKB was walking by and she said "My dresser, my bed, my toys, ALL MINE!" LOL...kids!
Our caseworker is supposed to be coming over tomorrow for a visit, and the house is a wreck. I just don't have the energy. I had it clean just a couple days ago for gosh sakes!! Maybe we can call and reschedule.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
In other news...both girls are still sick. Basically nasty colds and diarrhea. Destiny greeted me TWICE this week in the morning with shit all over her, and her bed. The second time it happened, it stunk up the whole freakin' house! Ugh. I think that happened on Thursday.
Destiny is getting better now...still has diarrhea, but not as often. She's getting her appetite back finally and I'm having her drink as much water as I can so she doesn't get dehydrated. She hasn't had a fever since Tuesday, but still has a runny nose and coughs a little.
Meghan, on the other hand, has started having poonamis of her own, and started running a fever last night. It got as high as 103 and I managed to get it down to barely 100 degrees and she went to sleep. Had a temp of 102 again this morning, poor baby. She's at least still taking her bottle and other than being more tired than usual, is acting pretty normal. She's sleeping now and I imagine she'll sleep quite a bit for a couple of days.
I'll probably end up being next, but dammit, I don't have time to be sick!!
Dang, I was trying to thing what else has happened this week, but that's pretty much it. Been keeping pretty busy with two sick little girls, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Whooo, what an exciting life I lead!
Oh yeah, it snowed last night, maybe a couple of inches. Started out as freezing rain and people are idiots when they try to drive on that stuff. Got freakin' cold as hell...think it was 17 degrees outside when I finally got to bed. Brrrrrr! I hate snow. Guess winter has to get in a last hurrah before it makes way for spring...of course, this IS still February, so it might get in a couple of more hurrahs before it's all said and done. Bah. I took a couple of pics when I went outside last night, but I don't know how well they came out. Might try to post them later.
I do have a pic I promised SignGurl I would post a little while back. Jenn, remember your post about PeeWee Herman? Check this out and tell me if you recognize it:
I took this during my time on the road with MrKB. This was out in California somewhere, I don't remember exactly where, but I know it was SoCal. Someday I'm gonna have to do a post with pics I took from all over the U.S., I've got lots!
Have a great weekend, y'all! Stay safe and warm!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
So anyway....This week's HNT pic is of MrKB's eagle tattoo. For as long as I've known him, he had a little blue fucked up cross on his arm that was the result of a very drunken night, and him and his friends doing homemade tats with a regular needle and some ink. He didn't even remember doing it...noticed it in the mirror the next morning and thought some wise-ass had drawn on him with a pen. He was surprised when it hurt to try and wash it off!
He loves eagles and collects eagle figurines and stuff, so when we finally had the money and the chance to drive down to Texas, I wasn't surprised this was his choice to get the old cross covered up. It's still not finished, he wants to go back and get it colored in sometime in the near future, but I think it looks pretty cool the way it is now. :)
For more Half-Nekkid fun, go and see Osbasso. Click the red button in my sidebar with the lady in lingerie for guidelines. Happy HNT! :)
Monday, February 13, 2006
I married my best friend!
We met when I was 19 and he was 21. We knew each other, but didn't really KNOW each other, since we were both always in other relationships, and were too shy to really talk.
Years later, when my boyfriend at the time had gone into the Navy, he was my shoulder to cry on when I felt alone. We got to know each other a lot more, and the more time I spent with him, the more I knew that the guy I was with was not the right man for me.
We ended up falling in love, and on February 14, 1995, after dating less than a year, we got married. I was 23, and he was 25. I have never been happier!
The past year has brought us our biggest challenges yet, and I'm so glad our love is strong enough to face them together. I am truly in love with my best friend.
To my husband:
Baby, I love you more today than the day I married you.
You are my light, my love, my reason for living...my very best friend. I know we'll have many more happy years together, they should be even happier now that we have a family of our own. We tried so hard for so long to have children, and even though it didn't happen as we expected it to, we now have two beautiful little girls to call ours.
Happy Anniversary Darlin' !!! I Love You!!!!
I am doing a bit better now. Sent the girls to Grandma's Friday night, where they spent the night. MrKB and I hit the casino and played for hours. Best part of the night was when I won 300 dollars on a quarter game! Yay me! We ended up leaving with about 60 bucks more than we went in with, so that was good.
Went and got some tequila Saturday, and I did a little drinking of the shots...felt pretty good to get a bit toasted and just relax after the kids were in bed. MrKB spent the time playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas on the PS2, and after awhile we went to bed, but not immediately to sleep! ;)
My house is a wreck now, since I haven't had the energy to clean it. Gonna try to get that done tomorrow, and need to get laundry caught up. Is laundry ever really "caught up"?? Seems like it never ends. I'm glad we at least have a washer and dryer of our own. I hate having to go to the laundrymat or to Mom's to do laundry. At least at home I can be doing other things while the laundry is running.
Meghan is still not sleeping through the night right now...though she did sleep for Grandma!! It figures, doesn't it? It's almost 3am while I type this, and she's been sleeping off and on since around 12:30. Tonight, though, I think it's more than just teething. Seems she is getting sick, or is already sick. When she wakes up she is coughing and it is a nasty sounding cough. One of the barking seal kind...I'm hoping it's just a cold, but could be croup. She's not running a fever, so that's good. Poor baby obviously doesn't feel well...I gave her some nighttime cold and cough medicine, and now that she's asleep again (finally!) I'm hoping she stays asleep. I'm going to keep a close eye on her and if she gets worse I will take her in to the doctor. She's never been sick before, so I imagine she doesn't know what to think about not feeling good! I knew it was gonna happen eventually, but still...my poor little baby girl!
Anyway, just wanted to post a little update...gonna go try to get some sleep myself. Hope y'all had a great weekend!
*EDIT* OK, so I managed to get some sleep. The baby is doing better, still has a cough, but no fever. She did stay asleep finally.
When I went in the girls' room to get Destiny up, I was greeted with the smell of poop. Destiny had a poonami...there was poop EVERYWHERE....on her, on the bed, all the covers...Ugh. She immediately starts crying because she thought she'd be in trouble for pooping in her pants, but like I said before, I can overlook the shits. I'm not happy about it, but I understand she couldn't help it. Took her in the bathroom to get her cleaned up, and while wiping her butt she starts crying hysterically and freaking me out. I'm like "What the hell's the matter with you?!?" ...turns out she's got a bad rash. Poor thing...but I had to keep wiping, the poop was halfway up her back and everything. Finally get her cleaned up then took her back to the bedroom to put some diaper rash medicine on her. I was as gentle as I could be and she still screamed like she's being beat to death or something. Sheesh. Meghan has had rashes that were so bad they bled and she didn't scream like that! It's been awhile since Des had a rash, so I guess I understand...she's probably forgotten how they hurt.
Got the girls breakfast (after thoroughly washing my hands!) and then had to go strip the bed and throw everything in the washer. Really fun way to start my day, lemme tell ya.
Oh yeah, I took Des' temperature and it was 99.7 under the arm...anyone know if you're supposed to add a degree or not when you take it this way? I can't remember for sure. Looks like I'm gonna have two sick little girls for a couple days.
So glad I got that break...
Friday, February 10, 2006
Meghan is not sleeping through the night lately. Three out of the last four nights she has kept me up VERY late. Last night I was in bed less than an hour, hadn't even really got to sleep yet, and she woke up hollering at the top of her lungs. That was at about 2:30am....I managed to get her back to sleep, then she was up again at 5am...screamed her head off for well over an hour and finally went back to sleep at 7am. Damn. Then there's Destiny, who is up every morning around 9am or so.
The night before, Meghan kept me up until 4:30am, but at least when she went to sleep she stayed asleep until around 10.
No wonder I'm so tired.
Speaking of Destiny....How long does it take to potty train a child?!?! We've been working with her since she came to us last summer to get her potty trained. The people she was with before hadn't even attempted it apparently, since she was in DIAPERS still. She doesn't poop in her pants anymore, hasn't for quite some time, unless she's got the shits, and I can overlook that. But getting her to quit peeing in her pants is driving me insane!!! Her personal record for staying dry so far is four days. That was this last week. Then she went to Grandma's, and that got shot all to hell. She hasn't stayed dry more than one day since. Ugh. I'm so tired of it, and it seems like I'm the only one trying to get it done. Oh, MrKB will take her to the potty if I ask him to, but not without attitude, like "I suppose!" Sheesh.
I am in a funk. I need a break, seriously....like a whole weekend without the kids...no cleaning up after everyone, no laundry, no cooking (which I totally hate, but I have to do it), no dishes to be washed...I need time to do what I WANT to do, not what has to be done. I want to SLEEP. I want to just spend time with MrKB. I wanna go to the casino and win lots of money.
Don't see all that happening anytime soon. Especially not this weekend, since Andy is supposed to be with us.
I want to get the adoption on the girls finished, so DHS and everybody will be out of the picture and we can finally feel like a normal family. I want to get their ears pierced, and I can't even do that until DHS says it's okay. Bah!
Gotta go fix lunch for Destiny now and get her down for a nap. Meghan fell asleep in her exersaucer, and if she stays asleep maybe I can get a nap in too.
Sorry for being a downer...just felt like venting a bit.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Anyway, I know you're here for HNT, not to listen to me ramble on about nothing. So here we go...I was really not prepared for HNT this week, so I pulled up a pic I had on the computer. This week's picture is of Meghan, and I think she's about a month or so old. When she was tiny, and had to poop, she would really grunt and strain, and we always knew when she was pooping. She would get what we called her "poopy face" and one day I managed to get a picture of her while she was doing it. I love this pic, 'cuz it just cracks me up!
She's not so predictable anymore, doesn't make the poopy face...guess she doesn't need to concentrate so hard now! :)
For more HNT fun, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of Half-Nekkidness! Click the red button with the lady in lingerie in my sidebar for guidelines.
Happy HNT! :)
Monday, February 06, 2006
Friday night Mom-in-law kept the girls for the night and MrKB and I went out. We went out to Remington Park to the casino and had a pretty good time. Won some, lost some, nothing major. Had fun though. Was nice not to have to worry about going to pick up the girls before we went home. Stopped at a 24 hr Mickey D's to grab something to eat on the way home (it was 3:30a.m.!)...got home, ate, watched TV for a bit...then went to bed and had LOUD kids-ain't-in-the-house sex before going to sleep. If you have kids, you know THAT'S always fun! :)
My 9yr old nephew has been diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic. Things started about a month ago when he asked my MIL if he could start going to the school counselor. He said he'd had "bad thoughts" and thought it might help if he talked to someone. The counselor had him keep a journal, and apparently it came time to read that journal. He had written about being angry at different people, Mom, Dad, sister...kids at school. That in itself was not that unusual. He went on to talk about one kid in particular. This kid has apparently been a bully to my nephew. Things he wrote down were like "He makes me so mad, I just want to send him crying home to his Mommy! Because he kicked me, and I want to kick him back." He talks of another time this kid threw a rock at him.
Anyway, the part in his journal that apparently raised red flags was when he talked about trying to come up with a way to "get back" at him. He's also apparently been having thoughts in his head...an argument with his brain, as he put it...as to living or dying. He drew a little picture of what he'd like to do to this kid which showed him "squishing" him until all his blood came out. This was with a picture of the person he says he hears in his head telling him to do bad things.
Because of this, he was locked up in the hospital. Did you know that it's the law now to report this kind of thing to the police?!? The hospital told my MIL that if she hadn't consented to him being put in there, that they would've called the police to come and take him. Man....
MIL just called. She has signed him out of that place. They apparently were keeping him all doped up...on what, we don't know. She also found out that they were not supposed to be giving him anything like that without her permission. They wouldn't let her see his sleeping quarters. It was like he's being treated as a criminal and he hasn't done anything wrong. She wants to take him to another doctor (the one we take the girls to) and have him checked out and get a recommendation for someone else to treat him, as well as a second opinion on the bipolar schizophrenic thing.
It IS quite possible he has this illness. MrKB's brother was diagnosed with it just a couple years ago. It is hereditary, and family members of someone that has it are 3x more likely to have it.
It's all so sad the way things happened. Poor kid is probably confused as hell now. I guess with these days of kids shooting up their schools, the "authorities" probably figure better safe than sorry. I can understand that, I guess....it's not the same as when I was a kid in school. But anyone who's been bullied I'm sure has had their own thoughts of "getting back" at them, or wishing they were dead. I was bullied myself throughout most of my school career. I never would have tried to hurt anyone physically...might have thought about it, but could never have done it. But then again, I didn't have a "voice" in my head telling me to do things either.
I just don't know...this is all so weird! My nephew is a good kid and I don't see him hurting a fly. I guess you just never know. Does anyone out there have any experience with anybody suffering from bipolar schizophrenia??? What helps it?? How was it treated?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I got my bling!! He did good, dontcha think? Did the best I could on the pictures, they really don't do the ring justice. I love it, though!
For more half-nekkidness, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of all things half-nekkid! Click the red button with the lady in lingerie for guidelines. Happy HNT! :)
List 8 attributes of the perfect partner. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on a post letting them know they've been tagged. If tagged before, no need to contribute.
Here we go!
1. HONESTY: If a man can't be honest with me, what's the point of having a relationship?? Don't lie to me. I hate that.
2. HUMOR: I love to laugh. Comedy shows and movies are among my favorites. If a man has a sense of humor and can make me laugh, it is a major plus.
3. AFFECTION: Needs to love me for me, and to be able to show it whether we're at home or in public. I need someone that's not afraid of a little PDA.
4. COMMON SENSE: Knows how to use his brain when it comes to certain situations...like, don't put your money and your keys in the same damn pocket!!! (YES, MrKB did it again, lost our last 10 bucks for the week this time. You'd think he learned after losing 575 dollars this way, but noooo!)
5. SENSITIVE: Needs to be sensitive to my feelings. Cheer me up when I'm down, anticipate my moods. Be sensitive to other people's feelings as well.
6. HARDWORKING: I don't want somebody who's lazy. I need to be taken care of too, and if that means for them to go out and have a job to earn the money for the family, then so be it. Don't expect me to do everything. Help out around the house too.
7. HANDSOME: This doesn't mean you have to look like Brad Pitt, but take care of yourself. Take some time to look nice for me, at least now and then. SHAVE for god's sakes.
8. GOOD IN BED: Let's face it...the quality of the sex in a relationship really matters. I'd hate to be married to a man that didn't have a clue what he's doing down there! Quantity isn't as important to me as quality. I'd rather have great sex just once a week than boring, non-satisfying sex 3 or 4 times a week. Pay attention to where my buttons are!
Okay, so there you have it. I'm not going to tag anybody for this one since a lot of people have already done it...if you haven't and you decide to, let me know so I can check it out! :)