Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I'm Okay...I Think...

Yeah...that last post was kinda depressing, wasn't it? I'm sorry you guys.

I am in a funk. I don't feel like even getting up out of bed in the morning right now, but I have to for these little girls. I'm sure it's probably a hormone thing, PMS ya know. Which when I think about it just depresses me even more because it means I'm gonna have yet another period that I don't want.

This happens every month. See, I still have hope that I will get pregnant (by some miracle) and every month when a period starts it's still like a punch in the stomach. I guess since it's been almost 13 years of this now I should probably accept the fact that it's never going to happen. But I just can't. I don't know how to explain it.

This has been a long and difficult road.

Please don't think that I don't realize I am lucky to be Mommy to Destiny and Meghan. I know this, and I am grateful for the chance. There is always going to be that want, that need, to have my own child. Unless you've experienced the heartbreak of infertility yourself, I don't think you can truly understand.

Okay, I'm gonna stop this here before I just cry like a baby. I want to leave you with something that was shared with me yesterday. Please click the link and check this out...maybe then you can begin to understand.

Click here

12 comments:

MG said...

that was very powerful... my heart goes out to you...

have a better day... u deserve it. :)

Monica said...

Here is a little something to make you feel better. Your sweet baby feet make 100, completing my foot project!!!

MamaKBear said...

MG: Thanks, sweetie, I'm trying!

Monica: Very cool! That did make me smile. Thank you!

Bekah said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}

Flygirl said...

Ain't it grand? Every time a cycle ends it's like a grief process don't you think?

big hugs,

The Real Kidd said...

Oh mamaK, I am sorry. I honestly have no idea what you must be going through, but my heart aches for you.

nosouthernbelle said...

I'm glad you liked, is that the right word, the link I sent you. Made me cry. It won't make you feel any better, but I got mine today. :-(

Top cat said...

you are a wonderful young woman with a big kind heart..quit knocking yourself..you are doing fine, these emotions are normal, you are normal.
Luv ya
tc

Randi said...

You think the Big Man Upstairs wouldn't be such a meanie and at least give you respite from having your period if it's not really doing anything.
LOTS OF HUGS! CHIN UP!!

SignGurl said...

Again, {{{{{{{big hugs}}}}}}}

yep, it's me.... said...

hugs sweetie

Midwestern City Boy said...

My heart goes out to you. HUGS.