Okay, so I'm drinking tonight. Destiny was driving me nuts and I started out drinking tequila to relax a bit. I'm feeling pretty good right about now and I've been thinking. (That can't be good!)
Been thinking about how lucky I am to have these two little girls in my life. I really am...I tried for so fuckin' long to have a baby, and it still hasn't happened. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend don't know how lucky they were to be able to have children, and they kept fucking up and not doing what they needed to do to take care of them. You do realize, that between the two of them, there are SEVEN kids...unbelievable!! How can you have that many kids and not do everything you can to take care of them?? How can you take it for granted?? I would feel like the luckiest person just to bring one child into the world.
Seven kids. They don't have a one of them. I just don't understand how God works. Why keep giving people like them kids that they know they can't take care of??? Why deny the ones that want more than anything to have children a baby??
It's not fair.
I know I have two of those kids now, but until they are adopted, they aren't "mine" yet.
I still want the experience of being pregnant, of bringing a child into this world. I want a piece of me and MrKB. Is that too much to ask???
I know my BIL's fuck-up is my gain, at least with two of the kids...the little girls I always wanted, but still...I want a part of me out there.
That said, I've been thinking about how much these two little girls mean to me, and there's a song by Garth Brooks that sums it up:
IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES by Garth Brooks
Sometimes late at night
I lay awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinkin' of
If tomorrow never comes
*Edit* Just so y'all know, I didn't end up drinking the other night. Don't want you to think I'm turning to the bottle to destress all the time. Last night I did drink, and I drank alone, but that's okay. And I am just fine this morning, don't worry! :)
Monday, February 27, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
Hi There! :)
How's everyone doing? Good? Alright! Me? I've been busy!
Thursday was my Daddy's birthday. I had totally forgotten about it! Well, not totally, I'd thought about how it was coming up just a couple days before, but on the actual day I hadn't thought about what the date was until my Mom came by to drop some things off and said something about his birthday. Hate when that happens!
So, once again I wasn't able to get around to everyone's HNTs....we went out to dinner at CiCi's Pizza with Mom & Dad, my sister, and her kids. Then we went to my parent's house for birthday cake, presents, and just to visit for awhile. We got him some Powerball tickets for Saturday's drawing. I told him that if he wins anything over $100 that I want 10%. LOL....kidding, of course!
Today I had to watch my niece and nephew since they were out of school. Speaking of my nephew, my MIL got a letter from the doctor who evaluated him while he was locked up. This doctor says there is nothing wrong with him, that the feelings and thoughts he has are perfectly normal. He also said that the whole point of him keeping a journal was to be able to write down things he might think of that are violent to keep him from acting on them. Also, that the school counselor making his journal public was a breach of confidentiality and that the actions that he took were very wrong.
This was a big relief to all of us, as you can imagine. My nephew has already missed more than 3 weeks of school because of this crap. Mom couldn't even go enroll him elsewhere because of that counselor. He kept saying that "He is a danger to himself and others and I will make sure that he's not allowed in any school." The doctor that sent the letter also included copies for the school and the DHS caseworker that had to come out. Now, at least, she can get him into school somewhere else. She's also looking into getting a lawyer and suing the school counselor, and possibly the school.
Tomorrow we will be going to visit Andy. He's got some birthday parties to go to, so we won't have him for the weekend, even though it is our time to have him. It's alright, though, we don't want to deny him going to his friends' parties. He's missed out on some before already. So, we're all supposed to go meet at a McD's over by his house, along with the kids' Grandfather and older sister. Sucks that I have to get up early on a Saturday, but oh well.
That's all my news for now....got some tequila and I'm waiting for it to get cold. Plan on drinking a little tonight, so if there's any drunk posting, you'll have to forgive me!
One more thing, if you haven't already, please stop by my Johari window and pick 6 words you think describe me best. You can find it here. Thanks y'all!
Thursday was my Daddy's birthday. I had totally forgotten about it! Well, not totally, I'd thought about how it was coming up just a couple days before, but on the actual day I hadn't thought about what the date was until my Mom came by to drop some things off and said something about his birthday. Hate when that happens!
So, once again I wasn't able to get around to everyone's HNTs....we went out to dinner at CiCi's Pizza with Mom & Dad, my sister, and her kids. Then we went to my parent's house for birthday cake, presents, and just to visit for awhile. We got him some Powerball tickets for Saturday's drawing. I told him that if he wins anything over $100 that I want 10%. LOL....kidding, of course!
Today I had to watch my niece and nephew since they were out of school. Speaking of my nephew, my MIL got a letter from the doctor who evaluated him while he was locked up. This doctor says there is nothing wrong with him, that the feelings and thoughts he has are perfectly normal. He also said that the whole point of him keeping a journal was to be able to write down things he might think of that are violent to keep him from acting on them. Also, that the school counselor making his journal public was a breach of confidentiality and that the actions that he took were very wrong.
This was a big relief to all of us, as you can imagine. My nephew has already missed more than 3 weeks of school because of this crap. Mom couldn't even go enroll him elsewhere because of that counselor. He kept saying that "He is a danger to himself and others and I will make sure that he's not allowed in any school." The doctor that sent the letter also included copies for the school and the DHS caseworker that had to come out. Now, at least, she can get him into school somewhere else. She's also looking into getting a lawyer and suing the school counselor, and possibly the school.
Tomorrow we will be going to visit Andy. He's got some birthday parties to go to, so we won't have him for the weekend, even though it is our time to have him. It's alright, though, we don't want to deny him going to his friends' parties. He's missed out on some before already. So, we're all supposed to go meet at a McD's over by his house, along with the kids' Grandfather and older sister. Sucks that I have to get up early on a Saturday, but oh well.
That's all my news for now....got some tequila and I'm waiting for it to get cold. Plan on drinking a little tonight, so if there's any drunk posting, you'll have to forgive me!
One more thing, if you haven't already, please stop by my Johari window and pick 6 words you think describe me best. You can find it here. Thanks y'all!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
My 17th HNT
Wow, Thursday already! It's been a busy and tiring week for me, as you can imagine. Meghan is doing much better today, no fever all day! Say it with me now, WOOHOO!! Like I posted before, she is sleeping A LOT, and it is apparently doing her a lot of good. Oh, and she doesn't seem to be allergic to penicillin.
Anyway, this week's HNT is a couple of pics of what I have been dealing with...took these the other night, and thought they'd be good for HNT.
First is a picture of what Meghan
looked like for the majority of the time when she was awake. Doesn't she look pitiful?? The redness on her face is partially from a rash around where her pacifier goes, and partially from having flushed cheeks due to the fever. 
Happy HNT y'all! For more Half-Nekkid fun, go and see Osbasso. Click the red button in my sidebar for guidelines.
Anyway, this week's HNT is a couple of pics of what I have been dealing with...took these the other night, and thought they'd be good for HNT.
First is a picture of what Meghan
looked like for the majority of the time when she was awake. Doesn't she look pitiful?? The redness on her face is partially from a rash around where her pacifier goes, and partially from having flushed cheeks due to the fever. 
Next is a shot of her sleeping snug and safe in my arms. I love holding her while she sleeps, it's one of the times I really feel like a Mommy...I don't know why. I treasure these moments because I know it will be all too soon that she's too big to hold like this.
And finally, the same situation from pretty much my point of view:
Happy HNT y'all! For more Half-Nekkid fun, go and see Osbasso. Click the red button in my sidebar for guidelines.
Just Have to Do It
So, I've seen this Johari Window thing all over blogland lately...I wasn't gonna do it, but curiousity has gotten the better of me! Please go here and choose the six words you think best describe me. Thank you! :)
Feeling a little bit better today...could be the calm before the storm, I haven't been sick in forever, so I'm overdue to be knocked on my ass.
Is it normal for babies to sleep almost constantly when they are sick?? Meghan slept through the night for about 12 hours and wasn't even up an hour before she was asleep again! I know sleep is the best thing for anybody when they're sick, but my goodness....just making sure I shouldn't be worrying. This is also after she slept most of the day too, off and on, but she slept quite a bit.
Have a great day y'all!
Feeling a little bit better today...could be the calm before the storm, I haven't been sick in forever, so I'm overdue to be knocked on my ass.
Is it normal for babies to sleep almost constantly when they are sick?? Meghan slept through the night for about 12 hours and wasn't even up an hour before she was asleep again! I know sleep is the best thing for anybody when they're sick, but my goodness....just making sure I shouldn't be worrying. This is also after she slept most of the day too, off and on, but she slept quite a bit.
Have a great day y'all!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
It's Happened...
Dammit. Now I'm sick. Figured this would happen! I've been running a low-grade fever all day today, have a sore throat, I'm achy all over and just generally feel like shit. Who's gonna take care of me???
Meghan is doing a bit better...still runs a fever up to 102 off and on, and still has diarrhea. I figure the antibiotics will take a couple of days to really start working and getting rid of this crap she has. She is sleeping quite a bit still, and has a cough, but it's not as bad now. The best thing is she is starting to act more like herself.
Thank you guys for all your kind comments and concerns for my precious baby girl! It's greatly appreciated, y'all are awesome!
Sorry for the short post, but I'm gonna go lay down on the couch and take care of me. Bleh.
Meghan is doing a bit better...still runs a fever up to 102 off and on, and still has diarrhea. I figure the antibiotics will take a couple of days to really start working and getting rid of this crap she has. She is sleeping quite a bit still, and has a cough, but it's not as bad now. The best thing is she is starting to act more like herself.
Thank you guys for all your kind comments and concerns for my precious baby girl! It's greatly appreciated, y'all are awesome!
Sorry for the short post, but I'm gonna go lay down on the couch and take care of me. Bleh.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Quick Update
Well, we got up early this morning and got the house cleaned up for the caseworker's visit....then she didn't even show up!! Somehow I had a feeling that would happen. She was supposed to be here at 1pm...she called at exactly 1pm to say she wasn't going to make it...she didn't want to get out on the roads, which weren't bad, just nasty looking. She's supposed to come out tomorrow instead.
Speaking of the caseworker...We want to get our taxes filed and done. We need the baby's social security number, so we called her to find out what it was. Get this: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!! Why? Because nobody from DHS ever went and got her one!!! This really irritates us. Meghan is 10 months old and this should have had one a long time ago. This should have been done while she was still in the hospital for that 3 weeks after she was born. Caseworker says she won't be able to do it until the 28th, which I think is crap...it should be made a priority since it's something that should have been done ages ago. We were waiting to get MrKB's W2s from his old company, and now we have them...so now we are just waiting for a SS# for the baby. Sheesh! This is also probably why her Medicaid doesn't have the right last name. It's got her bio-mom's last name, not the last name that all her other brothers and sisters have, and that the hospital told us was on her birth certificate, which is the same as ours!
Anyway...
Read your comment on the last post, Jenn, and I'm a step ahead of you. Meghan was still getting a fever up to 102 today, so we called the doctor to see if she could get her in to see her this afternoon. As a matter of fact, MrKB had the phone in his hand and was looking up the doctor's number when the caseworker called. Got her an appointment at 2:30, so off we went. Turns out that Meghan has a bit of an upper respiratory infection, and also a slight ear infection. Poor baby! No wonder she hasn't been feeling well! Doctor said that Destiny had probably had a rotavirus this week, that caused the diarrhea and fever that she had, (but Des' fever only lasted a couple of days)...then Meghan got the rotavirus first and then probably the respiratory infection which in turn caused the ear infection. That's why her fever got up so high. She got a prescription for Amoxicillin...you know, that bubble gum tasting medicine we all remember having as kids. LOL... Just hoping she doesn't end up having an allergy to penicillin. She's never had any medication like that before, so we just don't know. Have to keep an eye on her for a few doses and make sure she doesn't have a reaction.
After the doctor visit, we went to grab something to eat, then get some groceries, then we had to drop off her prescription to be filled. When we got home at around 5:30, Meghan went to sleep and has been asleep since...it's now 10pm! That trip out and about just wore her plumb out. The day's wore me out too...I went to take a little nap around 6:30 after I got back from picking her medicine up and MrKB woke me up at just before 9:30! I could probably go back to sleep and stay asleep until morning.
Hopefully now Meghan will be back to her old self soon!
Speaking of the caseworker...We want to get our taxes filed and done. We need the baby's social security number, so we called her to find out what it was. Get this: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ONE!! Why? Because nobody from DHS ever went and got her one!!! This really irritates us. Meghan is 10 months old and this should have had one a long time ago. This should have been done while she was still in the hospital for that 3 weeks after she was born. Caseworker says she won't be able to do it until the 28th, which I think is crap...it should be made a priority since it's something that should have been done ages ago. We were waiting to get MrKB's W2s from his old company, and now we have them...so now we are just waiting for a SS# for the baby. Sheesh! This is also probably why her Medicaid doesn't have the right last name. It's got her bio-mom's last name, not the last name that all her other brothers and sisters have, and that the hospital told us was on her birth certificate, which is the same as ours!
Anyway...
Read your comment on the last post, Jenn, and I'm a step ahead of you. Meghan was still getting a fever up to 102 today, so we called the doctor to see if she could get her in to see her this afternoon. As a matter of fact, MrKB had the phone in his hand and was looking up the doctor's number when the caseworker called. Got her an appointment at 2:30, so off we went. Turns out that Meghan has a bit of an upper respiratory infection, and also a slight ear infection. Poor baby! No wonder she hasn't been feeling well! Doctor said that Destiny had probably had a rotavirus this week, that caused the diarrhea and fever that she had, (but Des' fever only lasted a couple of days)...then Meghan got the rotavirus first and then probably the respiratory infection which in turn caused the ear infection. That's why her fever got up so high. She got a prescription for Amoxicillin...you know, that bubble gum tasting medicine we all remember having as kids. LOL... Just hoping she doesn't end up having an allergy to penicillin. She's never had any medication like that before, so we just don't know. Have to keep an eye on her for a few doses and make sure she doesn't have a reaction.
After the doctor visit, we went to grab something to eat, then get some groceries, then we had to drop off her prescription to be filled. When we got home at around 5:30, Meghan went to sleep and has been asleep since...it's now 10pm! That trip out and about just wore her plumb out. The day's wore me out too...I went to take a little nap around 6:30 after I got back from picking her medicine up and MrKB woke me up at just before 9:30! I could probably go back to sleep and stay asleep until morning.
Hopefully now Meghan will be back to her old self soon!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
My Poor Baby Girl!
We almost took Meghan to the emergency room last night. She'd been running a fever since Friday, but last night it got up to 104.4, and my poor baby was definitely not acting herself. At that point all she would really do is lay there. Not crying, not fussing, nothing. Her toys sat on her exersaucer all day, she didn't even have the energy to throw them off onto the floor! Toys usually don't stay there more than 15 minutes at the most.
Called my Mama 'cuz I was starting to really worry about her. She said we should try to get her temperature down before resorting to taking her to the hospital. So, we gave her some children's Tylenol (again!) and put cool rags on her neck and chest. Oh, she didn't like that part at all, at least not at first, that was the only time she had any fight in her at all. About an hour later we got her temp down to 100.1, and put her to bed.
She's better today, but not 100%. She had a fever of 103 this morning and between doses of Tylenol, she went back and forth between 100-102 most of the day. Checked her awhile ago and it's only 99.3. Hopefully the worst is behind us. Poor little baby! Also today we saw her smile again. :) Hadn't seen it for the last two days. I'm just very thankful that this whole thing hasn't included vomiting!!
Now, for good news....Friday night Meghan took her very first step!! It was just one, 'cuz when she did it, I wasn't expecting it at all and I yelled "Ahhhh!! Did you see that??" LOL She grabbed hold of something, and looked at me like "WTF are you hollering about?!?" I couldn't help it, I got excited. :) At this rate, she's gonna be walking before she ever gets any teeth!
Destiny now has her own room. We took Andy's stuff out of his room and put hers in there. We figure Andy is not gonna be here enough to justify him having his own bedroom. We're putting his bed in Meghan's room with her, along with his dresser and toy box. I think Des likes her new room, 'cuz earlier today MrKB was walking by and she said "My dresser, my bed, my toys, ALL MINE!" LOL...kids!
Our caseworker is supposed to be coming over tomorrow for a visit, and the house is a wreck. I just don't have the energy. I had it clean just a couple days ago for gosh sakes!! Maybe we can call and reschedule.
Called my Mama 'cuz I was starting to really worry about her. She said we should try to get her temperature down before resorting to taking her to the hospital. So, we gave her some children's Tylenol (again!) and put cool rags on her neck and chest. Oh, she didn't like that part at all, at least not at first, that was the only time she had any fight in her at all. About an hour later we got her temp down to 100.1, and put her to bed.
She's better today, but not 100%. She had a fever of 103 this morning and between doses of Tylenol, she went back and forth between 100-102 most of the day. Checked her awhile ago and it's only 99.3. Hopefully the worst is behind us. Poor little baby! Also today we saw her smile again. :) Hadn't seen it for the last two days. I'm just very thankful that this whole thing hasn't included vomiting!!
Now, for good news....Friday night Meghan took her very first step!! It was just one, 'cuz when she did it, I wasn't expecting it at all and I yelled "Ahhhh!! Did you see that??" LOL She grabbed hold of something, and looked at me like "WTF are you hollering about?!?" I couldn't help it, I got excited. :) At this rate, she's gonna be walking before she ever gets any teeth!
Destiny now has her own room. We took Andy's stuff out of his room and put hers in there. We figure Andy is not gonna be here enough to justify him having his own bedroom. We're putting his bed in Meghan's room with her, along with his dresser and toy box. I think Des likes her new room, 'cuz earlier today MrKB was walking by and she said "My dresser, my bed, my toys, ALL MINE!" LOL...kids!
Our caseworker is supposed to be coming over tomorrow for a visit, and the house is a wreck. I just don't have the energy. I had it clean just a couple days ago for gosh sakes!! Maybe we can call and reschedule.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
What a Week!
This has been quite the week for me. I didn't get to go to everybody's HNT's like I normally do, and my comments suffered for it! LOL One thing keeping me from it was my keyboard...it was fine on Wednesday night, but Thursday it started acting all wonky. Numbers were coming up when I was pushing letters, and if I hit the enter key while commenting it just erased everything I had typed! It got very frustrating, so by the end of the day, I made MrKB give me money to go get a new keyboard. Ahhhhh...that's much better!
In other news...both girls are still sick. Basically nasty colds and diarrhea. Destiny greeted me TWICE this week in the morning with shit all over her, and her bed. The second time it happened, it stunk up the whole freakin' house! Ugh. I think that happened on Thursday.
Destiny is getting better now...still has diarrhea, but not as often. She's getting her appetite back finally and I'm having her drink as much water as I can so she doesn't get dehydrated. She hasn't had a fever since Tuesday, but still has a runny nose and coughs a little.
Meghan, on the other hand, has started having poonamis of her own, and started running a fever last night. It got as high as 103 and I managed to get it down to barely 100 degrees and she went to sleep. Had a temp of 102 again this morning, poor baby. She's at least still taking her bottle and other than being more tired than usual, is acting pretty normal. She's sleeping now and I imagine she'll sleep quite a bit for a couple of days.
I'll probably end up being next, but dammit, I don't have time to be sick!!
Dang, I was trying to thing what else has happened this week, but that's pretty much it. Been keeping pretty busy with two sick little girls, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Whooo, what an exciting life I lead!
Oh yeah, it snowed last night, maybe a couple of inches. Started out as freezing rain and people are idiots when they try to drive on that stuff. Got freakin' cold as hell...think it was 17 degrees outside when I finally got to bed. Brrrrrr! I hate snow. Guess winter has to get in a last hurrah before it makes way for spring...of course, this IS still February, so it might get in a couple of more hurrahs before it's all said and done. Bah. I took a couple of pics when I went outside last night, but I don't know how well they came out. Might try to post them later.
I do have a pic I promised SignGurl I would post a little while back. Jenn, remember your post about PeeWee Herman? Check this out and tell me if you recognize it:
In other news...both girls are still sick. Basically nasty colds and diarrhea. Destiny greeted me TWICE this week in the morning with shit all over her, and her bed. The second time it happened, it stunk up the whole freakin' house! Ugh. I think that happened on Thursday.
Destiny is getting better now...still has diarrhea, but not as often. She's getting her appetite back finally and I'm having her drink as much water as I can so she doesn't get dehydrated. She hasn't had a fever since Tuesday, but still has a runny nose and coughs a little.
Meghan, on the other hand, has started having poonamis of her own, and started running a fever last night. It got as high as 103 and I managed to get it down to barely 100 degrees and she went to sleep. Had a temp of 102 again this morning, poor baby. She's at least still taking her bottle and other than being more tired than usual, is acting pretty normal. She's sleeping now and I imagine she'll sleep quite a bit for a couple of days.
I'll probably end up being next, but dammit, I don't have time to be sick!!
Dang, I was trying to thing what else has happened this week, but that's pretty much it. Been keeping pretty busy with two sick little girls, cleaning the house and doing laundry. Whooo, what an exciting life I lead!
Oh yeah, it snowed last night, maybe a couple of inches. Started out as freezing rain and people are idiots when they try to drive on that stuff. Got freakin' cold as hell...think it was 17 degrees outside when I finally got to bed. Brrrrrr! I hate snow. Guess winter has to get in a last hurrah before it makes way for spring...of course, this IS still February, so it might get in a couple of more hurrahs before it's all said and done. Bah. I took a couple of pics when I went outside last night, but I don't know how well they came out. Might try to post them later.
I do have a pic I promised SignGurl I would post a little while back. Jenn, remember your post about PeeWee Herman? Check this out and tell me if you recognize it:
I took this during my time on the road with MrKB. This was out in California somewhere, I don't remember exactly where, but I know it was SoCal. Someday I'm gonna have to do a post with pics I took from all over the U.S., I've got lots!
Have a great weekend, y'all! Stay safe and warm!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
My 16th Half-Nekkid Thursday
MrKB and I had a nice quiet evening at home yesterday for our anniversary. We considered going out to the casino the Friday before our celebration. I also forgot to mention that we did treat ourselves to lunch at Red Lobster on Saturday before we went and picked up the girls from Grandma's, and we enjoyed it very much! Thank you to everybody who stopped by yesterday and wished us a Happy Anniversary! Nobody in our families even bothered to call! You guys just made our day!
So anyway....This week's HNT pic is of MrKB's eagle tattoo. For as long as I've known him, he had a little blue fucked up cross on his arm that was the result of a very drunken night, and him and his friends doing homemade tats with a regular needle and some ink. He didn't even remember doing it...noticed it in the mirror the next morning and thought some wise-ass had drawn on him with a pen. He was surprised when it hurt to try and wash it off!
He loves eagles and collects eagle figurines and stuff, so when we finally had the money and the chance to drive down to Texas, I wasn't surprised this was his choice to get the old cross covered up. It's still not finished, he wants to go back and get it colored in sometime in the near future, but I think it looks pretty cool the way it is now. :)
So anyway....This week's HNT pic is of MrKB's eagle tattoo. For as long as I've known him, he had a little blue fucked up cross on his arm that was the result of a very drunken night, and him and his friends doing homemade tats with a regular needle and some ink. He didn't even remember doing it...noticed it in the mirror the next morning and thought some wise-ass had drawn on him with a pen. He was surprised when it hurt to try and wash it off!
He loves eagles and collects eagle figurines and stuff, so when we finally had the money and the chance to drive down to Texas, I wasn't surprised this was his choice to get the old cross covered up. It's still not finished, he wants to go back and get it colored in sometime in the near future, but I think it looks pretty cool the way it is now. :)
For more Half-Nekkid fun, go and see Osbasso. Click the red button in my sidebar with the lady in lingerie for guidelines. Happy HNT! :)
Monday, February 13, 2006
On This Day 11 Years Ago...
I married my best friend!
We met when I was 19 and he was 21. We knew each other, but didn't really KNOW each other, since we were both always in other relationships, and were too shy to really talk.
Years later, when my boyfriend at the time had gone into the Navy, he was my shoulder to cry on when I felt alone. We got to know each other a lot more, and the more time I spent with him, the more I knew that the guy I was with was not the right man for me.
We ended up falling in love, and on February 14, 1995, after dating less than a year, we got married. I was 23, and he was 25. I have never been happier! The past year has brought us our biggest challenges yet, and I'm so glad our love is strong enough to face them together. I
am truly in love with my best friend.To my husband:
Baby, I love you more today than the day I married you.
You are my light, my love, my reason for living...my very best friend. I know we'll have many more happy years together, they should be even happier now that we have a family of our own. We tried so hard for so long to have children, and even though it didn't happen as we expected it to, we now have two beautiful little girls to call ours.
Happy Anniversary Darlin' !!! I Love You!!!!
Still Tired But Feeling Better
I want to start out by saying Thank You to all of you who left comments on my last post. You were all very encouraging and your support is always appreciated! It's always nice to know you are not alone when you are feeling down.
I am doing a bit better now. Sent the girls to Grandma's Friday night, where they spent the night. MrKB and I hit the casino and played for hours. Best part of the night was when I won 300 dollars on a quarter game! Yay me! We ended up leaving with about 60 bucks more than we went in with, so that was good.
Went and got some tequila Saturday, and I did a little drinking of the shots...felt pretty good to get a bit toasted and just relax after the kids were in bed. MrKB spent the time playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas on the PS2, and after awhile we went to bed, but not immediately to sleep! ;)
My house is a wreck now, since I haven't had the energy to clean it. Gonna try to get that done tomorrow, and need to get laundry caught up. Is laundry ever really "caught up"?? Seems like it never ends. I'm glad we at least have a washer and dryer of our own. I hate having to go to the laundrymat or to Mom's to do laundry. At least at home I can be doing other things while the laundry is running.
Meghan is still not sleeping through the night right now...though she did sleep for Grandma!! It figures, doesn't it? It's almost 3am while I type this, and she's been sleeping off and on since around 12:30. Tonight, though, I think it's more than just teething. Seems she is getting sick, or is already sick. When she wakes up she is coughing and it is a nasty sounding cough. One of the barking seal kind...I'm hoping it's just a cold, but could be croup. She's not running a fever, so that's good. Poor baby obviously doesn't feel well...I gave her some nighttime cold and cough medicine, and now that she's asleep again (finally!) I'm hoping she stays asleep. I'm going to keep a close eye on her and if she gets worse I will take her in to the doctor. She's never been sick before, so I imagine she doesn't know what to think about not feeling good! I knew it was gonna happen eventually, but still...my poor little baby girl!
Anyway, just wanted to post a little update...gonna go try to get some sleep myself. Hope y'all had a great weekend!
*EDIT* OK, so I managed to get some sleep. The baby is doing better, still has a cough, but no fever. She did stay asleep finally.
When I went in the girls' room to get Destiny up, I was greeted with the smell of poop. Destiny had a poonami...there was poop EVERYWHERE....on her, on the bed, all the covers...Ugh. She immediately starts crying because she thought she'd be in trouble for pooping in her pants, but like I said before, I can overlook the shits. I'm not happy about it, but I understand she couldn't help it. Took her in the bathroom to get her cleaned up, and while wiping her butt she starts crying hysterically and freaking me out. I'm like "What the hell's the matter with you?!?" ...turns out she's got a bad rash. Poor thing...but I had to keep wiping, the poop was halfway up her back and everything. Finally get her cleaned up then took her back to the bedroom to put some diaper rash medicine on her. I was as gentle as I could be and she still screamed like she's being beat to death or something. Sheesh. Meghan has had rashes that were so bad they bled and she didn't scream like that! It's been awhile since Des had a rash, so I guess I understand...she's probably forgotten how they hurt.
Got the girls breakfast (after thoroughly washing my hands!) and then had to go strip the bed and throw everything in the washer. Really fun way to start my day, lemme tell ya.
Oh yeah, I took Des' temperature and it was 99.7 under the arm...anyone know if you're supposed to add a degree or not when you take it this way? I can't remember for sure. Looks like I'm gonna have two sick little girls for a couple days.
So glad I got that break...
I am doing a bit better now. Sent the girls to Grandma's Friday night, where they spent the night. MrKB and I hit the casino and played for hours. Best part of the night was when I won 300 dollars on a quarter game! Yay me! We ended up leaving with about 60 bucks more than we went in with, so that was good.
Went and got some tequila Saturday, and I did a little drinking of the shots...felt pretty good to get a bit toasted and just relax after the kids were in bed. MrKB spent the time playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas on the PS2, and after awhile we went to bed, but not immediately to sleep! ;)
My house is a wreck now, since I haven't had the energy to clean it. Gonna try to get that done tomorrow, and need to get laundry caught up. Is laundry ever really "caught up"?? Seems like it never ends. I'm glad we at least have a washer and dryer of our own. I hate having to go to the laundrymat or to Mom's to do laundry. At least at home I can be doing other things while the laundry is running.
Meghan is still not sleeping through the night right now...though she did sleep for Grandma!! It figures, doesn't it? It's almost 3am while I type this, and she's been sleeping off and on since around 12:30. Tonight, though, I think it's more than just teething. Seems she is getting sick, or is already sick. When she wakes up she is coughing and it is a nasty sounding cough. One of the barking seal kind...I'm hoping it's just a cold, but could be croup. She's not running a fever, so that's good. Poor baby obviously doesn't feel well...I gave her some nighttime cold and cough medicine, and now that she's asleep again (finally!) I'm hoping she stays asleep. I'm going to keep a close eye on her and if she gets worse I will take her in to the doctor. She's never been sick before, so I imagine she doesn't know what to think about not feeling good! I knew it was gonna happen eventually, but still...my poor little baby girl!
Anyway, just wanted to post a little update...gonna go try to get some sleep myself. Hope y'all had a great weekend!
*EDIT* OK, so I managed to get some sleep. The baby is doing better, still has a cough, but no fever. She did stay asleep finally.
When I went in the girls' room to get Destiny up, I was greeted with the smell of poop. Destiny had a poonami...there was poop EVERYWHERE....on her, on the bed, all the covers...Ugh. She immediately starts crying because she thought she'd be in trouble for pooping in her pants, but like I said before, I can overlook the shits. I'm not happy about it, but I understand she couldn't help it. Took her in the bathroom to get her cleaned up, and while wiping her butt she starts crying hysterically and freaking me out. I'm like "What the hell's the matter with you?!?" ...turns out she's got a bad rash. Poor thing...but I had to keep wiping, the poop was halfway up her back and everything. Finally get her cleaned up then took her back to the bedroom to put some diaper rash medicine on her. I was as gentle as I could be and she still screamed like she's being beat to death or something. Sheesh. Meghan has had rashes that were so bad they bled and she didn't scream like that! It's been awhile since Des had a rash, so I guess I understand...she's probably forgotten how they hurt.
Got the girls breakfast (after thoroughly washing my hands!) and then had to go strip the bed and throw everything in the washer. Really fun way to start my day, lemme tell ya.
Oh yeah, I took Des' temperature and it was 99.7 under the arm...anyone know if you're supposed to add a degree or not when you take it this way? I can't remember for sure. Looks like I'm gonna have two sick little girls for a couple days.
So glad I got that break...
Friday, February 10, 2006
I'm Beyond Tired...
I am freakin' exhausted!!
Meghan is not sleeping through the night lately. Three out of the last four nights she has kept me up VERY late. Last night I was in bed less than an hour, hadn't even really got to sleep yet, and she woke up hollering at the top of her lungs. That was at about 2:30am....I managed to get her back to sleep, then she was up again at 5am...screamed her head off for well over an hour and finally went back to sleep at 7am. Damn. Then there's Destiny, who is up every morning around 9am or so.
The night before, Meghan kept me up until 4:30am, but at least when she went to sleep she stayed asleep until around 10.
No wonder I'm so tired.
Speaking of Destiny....How long does it take to potty train a child?!?! We've been working with her since she came to us last summer to get her potty trained. The people she was with before hadn't even attempted it apparently, since she was in DIAPERS still. She doesn't poop in her pants anymore, hasn't for quite some time, unless she's got the shits, and I can overlook that. But getting her to quit peeing in her pants is driving me insane!!! Her personal record for staying dry so far is four days. That was this last week. Then she went to Grandma's, and that got shot all to hell. She hasn't stayed dry more than one day since. Ugh. I'm so tired of it, and it seems like I'm the only one trying to get it done. Oh, MrKB will take her to the potty if I ask him to, but not without attitude, like "I suppose!" Sheesh.
I am in a funk. I need a break, seriously....like a whole weekend without the kids...no cleaning up after everyone, no laundry, no cooking (which I totally hate, but I have to do it), no dishes to be washed...I need time to do what I WANT to do, not what has to be done. I want to SLEEP. I want to just spend time with MrKB. I wanna go to the casino and win lots of money.
Don't see all that happening anytime soon. Especially not this weekend, since Andy is supposed to be with us.
I want to get the adoption on the girls finished, so DHS and everybody will be out of the picture and we can finally feel like a normal family. I want to get their ears pierced, and I can't even do that until DHS says it's okay. Bah!
Gotta go fix lunch for Destiny now and get her down for a nap. Meghan fell asleep in her exersaucer, and if she stays asleep maybe I can get a nap in too.
Sorry for being a downer...just felt like venting a bit.
Meghan is not sleeping through the night lately. Three out of the last four nights she has kept me up VERY late. Last night I was in bed less than an hour, hadn't even really got to sleep yet, and she woke up hollering at the top of her lungs. That was at about 2:30am....I managed to get her back to sleep, then she was up again at 5am...screamed her head off for well over an hour and finally went back to sleep at 7am. Damn. Then there's Destiny, who is up every morning around 9am or so.
The night before, Meghan kept me up until 4:30am, but at least when she went to sleep she stayed asleep until around 10.
No wonder I'm so tired.
Speaking of Destiny....How long does it take to potty train a child?!?! We've been working with her since she came to us last summer to get her potty trained. The people she was with before hadn't even attempted it apparently, since she was in DIAPERS still. She doesn't poop in her pants anymore, hasn't for quite some time, unless she's got the shits, and I can overlook that. But getting her to quit peeing in her pants is driving me insane!!! Her personal record for staying dry so far is four days. That was this last week. Then she went to Grandma's, and that got shot all to hell. She hasn't stayed dry more than one day since. Ugh. I'm so tired of it, and it seems like I'm the only one trying to get it done. Oh, MrKB will take her to the potty if I ask him to, but not without attitude, like "I suppose!" Sheesh.
I am in a funk. I need a break, seriously....like a whole weekend without the kids...no cleaning up after everyone, no laundry, no cooking (which I totally hate, but I have to do it), no dishes to be washed...I need time to do what I WANT to do, not what has to be done. I want to SLEEP. I want to just spend time with MrKB. I wanna go to the casino and win lots of money.
Don't see all that happening anytime soon. Especially not this weekend, since Andy is supposed to be with us.
I want to get the adoption on the girls finished, so DHS and everybody will be out of the picture and we can finally feel like a normal family. I want to get their ears pierced, and I can't even do that until DHS says it's okay. Bah!
Gotta go fix lunch for Destiny now and get her down for a nap. Meghan fell asleep in her exersaucer, and if she stays asleep maybe I can get a nap in too.
Sorry for being a downer...just felt like venting a bit.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
My 15th Half-Nekkid Thursday
I can't believe it's already time for HNT again!! Man, I've sucked on posting this week. I apologize for being so boring...just a lot going on lately. I feel like I'm always doing SOMETHING...told MrKB tonight that I don't get days off. I've been feeling more tired than usual, and it's not like I'm really doing more, just...I dunno...I'm just tired. I laid down to take a nap today and ended up sleeping for at least 5 hours!!! Damn...and I'm STILL tired!
Anyway, I know you're here for HNT, not to listen to me ramble on about nothing. So here we go...I was really not prepared for HNT this week, so I pulled up a pic I had on the computer. This week's picture is of Meghan, and I think she's about a month or so old. When she was tiny, and had to poop, she would really grunt and strain, and we always knew when she was pooping. She would get what we called her "poopy face" and one day I managed to get a picture of her while she was doing it. I love this pic, 'cuz it just cracks me up!
She's not so predictable anymore, doesn't make the poopy face...guess she doesn't need to concentrate so hard now! :)
For more HNT fun, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of Half-Nekkidness! Click the red button with the lady in lingerie in my sidebar for guidelines.
Happy HNT! :)
Anyway, I know you're here for HNT, not to listen to me ramble on about nothing. So here we go...I was really not prepared for HNT this week, so I pulled up a pic I had on the computer. This week's picture is of Meghan, and I think she's about a month or so old. When she was tiny, and had to poop, she would really grunt and strain, and we always knew when she was pooping. She would get what we called her "poopy face" and one day I managed to get a picture of her while she was doing it. I love this pic, 'cuz it just cracks me up!
She's not so predictable anymore, doesn't make the poopy face...guess she doesn't need to concentrate so hard now! :)
For more HNT fun, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of Half-Nekkidness! Click the red button with the lady in lingerie in my sidebar for guidelines.Happy HNT! :)
Monday, February 06, 2006
Can't Think of a Title...
So, hey y'all! I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was kinda boring, really.
Friday night Mom-in-law kept the girls for the night and MrKB and I went out. We went out to Remington Park to the casino and had a pretty good time. Won some, lost some, nothing major. Had fun though. Was nice not to have to worry about going to pick up the girls before we went home. Stopped at a 24 hr Mickey D's to grab something to eat on the way home (it was 3:30a.m.!)...got home, ate, watched TV for a bit...then went to bed and had LOUD kids-ain't-in-the-house sex before going to sleep. If you have kids, you know THAT'S always fun! :)
My 9yr old nephew has been diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic. Things started about a month ago when he asked my MIL if he could start going to the school counselor. He said he'd had "bad thoughts" and thought it might help if he talked to someone. The counselor had him keep a journal, and apparently it came time to read that journal. He had written about being angry at different people, Mom, Dad, sister...kids at school. That in itself was not that unusual. He went on to talk about one kid in particular. This kid has apparently been a bully to my nephew. Things he wrote down were like "He makes me so mad, I just want to send him crying home to his Mommy! Because he kicked me, and I want to kick him back." He talks of another time this kid threw a rock at him.
Anyway, the part in his journal that apparently raised red flags was when he talked about trying to come up with a way to "get back" at him. He's also apparently been having thoughts in his head...an argument with his brain, as he put it...as to living or dying. He drew a little picture of what he'd like to do to this kid which showed him "squishing" him until all his blood came out. This was with a picture of the person he says he hears in his head telling him to do bad things.
Because of this, he was locked up in the hospital. Did you know that it's the law now to report this kind of thing to the police?!? The hospital told my MIL that if she hadn't consented to him being put in there, that they would've called the police to come and take him. Man....
MIL just called. She has signed him out of that place. They apparently were keeping him all doped up...on what, we don't know. She also found out that they were not supposed to be giving him anything like that without her permission. They wouldn't let her see his sleeping quarters. It was like he's being treated as a criminal and he hasn't done anything wrong. She wants to take him to another doctor (the one we take the girls to) and have him checked out and get a recommendation for someone else to treat him, as well as a second opinion on the bipolar schizophrenic thing.
It IS quite possible he has this illness. MrKB's brother was diagnosed with it just a couple years ago. It is hereditary, and family members of someone that has it are 3x more likely to have it.
It's all so sad the way things happened. Poor kid is probably confused as hell now. I guess with these days of kids shooting up their schools, the "authorities" probably figure better safe than sorry. I can understand that, I guess....it's not the same as when I was a kid in school. But anyone who's been bullied I'm sure has had their own thoughts of "getting back" at them, or wishing they were dead. I was bullied myself throughout most of my school career. I never would have tried to hurt anyone physically...might have thought about it, but could never have done it. But then again, I didn't have a "voice" in my head telling me to do things either.
I just don't know...this is all so weird! My nephew is a good kid and I don't see him hurting a fly. I guess you just never know. Does anyone out there have any experience with anybody suffering from bipolar schizophrenia??? What helps it?? How was it treated?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Friday night Mom-in-law kept the girls for the night and MrKB and I went out. We went out to Remington Park to the casino and had a pretty good time. Won some, lost some, nothing major. Had fun though. Was nice not to have to worry about going to pick up the girls before we went home. Stopped at a 24 hr Mickey D's to grab something to eat on the way home (it was 3:30a.m.!)...got home, ate, watched TV for a bit...then went to bed and had LOUD kids-ain't-in-the-house sex before going to sleep. If you have kids, you know THAT'S always fun! :)
My 9yr old nephew has been diagnosed bipolar schizophrenic. Things started about a month ago when he asked my MIL if he could start going to the school counselor. He said he'd had "bad thoughts" and thought it might help if he talked to someone. The counselor had him keep a journal, and apparently it came time to read that journal. He had written about being angry at different people, Mom, Dad, sister...kids at school. That in itself was not that unusual. He went on to talk about one kid in particular. This kid has apparently been a bully to my nephew. Things he wrote down were like "He makes me so mad, I just want to send him crying home to his Mommy! Because he kicked me, and I want to kick him back." He talks of another time this kid threw a rock at him.
Anyway, the part in his journal that apparently raised red flags was when he talked about trying to come up with a way to "get back" at him. He's also apparently been having thoughts in his head...an argument with his brain, as he put it...as to living or dying. He drew a little picture of what he'd like to do to this kid which showed him "squishing" him until all his blood came out. This was with a picture of the person he says he hears in his head telling him to do bad things.
Because of this, he was locked up in the hospital. Did you know that it's the law now to report this kind of thing to the police?!? The hospital told my MIL that if she hadn't consented to him being put in there, that they would've called the police to come and take him. Man....
MIL just called. She has signed him out of that place. They apparently were keeping him all doped up...on what, we don't know. She also found out that they were not supposed to be giving him anything like that without her permission. They wouldn't let her see his sleeping quarters. It was like he's being treated as a criminal and he hasn't done anything wrong. She wants to take him to another doctor (the one we take the girls to) and have him checked out and get a recommendation for someone else to treat him, as well as a second opinion on the bipolar schizophrenic thing.
It IS quite possible he has this illness. MrKB's brother was diagnosed with it just a couple years ago. It is hereditary, and family members of someone that has it are 3x more likely to have it.
It's all so sad the way things happened. Poor kid is probably confused as hell now. I guess with these days of kids shooting up their schools, the "authorities" probably figure better safe than sorry. I can understand that, I guess....it's not the same as when I was a kid in school. But anyone who's been bullied I'm sure has had their own thoughts of "getting back" at them, or wishing they were dead. I was bullied myself throughout most of my school career. I never would have tried to hurt anyone physically...might have thought about it, but could never have done it. But then again, I didn't have a "voice" in my head telling me to do things either.
I just don't know...this is all so weird! My nephew is a good kid and I don't see him hurting a fly. I guess you just never know. Does anyone out there have any experience with anybody suffering from bipolar schizophrenia??? What helps it?? How was it treated?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
My 14th Half-Nekkid Thursday
It's actually appropriate that this is HNT number 14 for me. This week I'm showing y'all the early anniversary present I got from MrKB. Our 11th anniversary is on Valentine's Day, Feb. 14th. :)
I got my bling!! He did good, dontcha think? Did the best I could on the pictures, they really don't do the ring justice. I love it, though!
I got my bling!! He did good, dontcha think? Did the best I could on the pictures, they really don't do the ring justice. I love it, though!
For more half-nekkidness, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of all things half-nekkid! Click the red button with the lady in lingerie for guidelines. Happy HNT! :)
8 Things That Make a Perfect Partner
So I got tagged by ~Lil Deb~ with this one!
List 8 attributes of the perfect partner. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on a post letting them know they've been tagged. If tagged before, no need to contribute.
Here we go!
1. HONESTY: If a man can't be honest with me, what's the point of having a relationship?? Don't lie to me. I hate that.
2. HUMOR: I love to laugh. Comedy shows and movies are among my favorites. If a man has a sense of humor and can make me laugh, it is a major plus.
3. AFFECTION: Needs to love me for me, and to be able to show it whether we're at home or in public. I need someone that's not afraid of a little PDA.
4. COMMON SENSE: Knows how to use his brain when it comes to certain situations...like, don't put your money and your keys in the same damn pocket!!! (YES, MrKB did it again, lost our last 10 bucks for the week this time. You'd think he learned after losing 575 dollars this way, but noooo!)
5. SENSITIVE: Needs to be sensitive to my feelings. Cheer me up when I'm down, anticipate my moods. Be sensitive to other people's feelings as well.
6. HARDWORKING: I don't want somebody who's lazy. I need to be taken care of too, and if that means for them to go out and have a job to earn the money for the family, then so be it. Don't expect me to do everything. Help out around the house too.
7. HANDSOME: This doesn't mean you have to look like Brad Pitt, but take care of yourself. Take some time to look nice for me, at least now and then. SHAVE for god's sakes.
8. GOOD IN BED: Let's face it...the quality of the sex in a relationship really matters. I'd hate to be married to a man that didn't have a clue what he's doing down there! Quantity isn't as important to me as quality. I'd rather have great sex just once a week than boring, non-satisfying sex 3 or 4 times a week. Pay attention to where my buttons are!
Okay, so there you have it. I'm not going to tag anybody for this one since a lot of people have already done it...if you haven't and you decide to, let me know so I can check it out! :)
List 8 attributes of the perfect partner. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on a post letting them know they've been tagged. If tagged before, no need to contribute.
Here we go!
1. HONESTY: If a man can't be honest with me, what's the point of having a relationship?? Don't lie to me. I hate that.
2. HUMOR: I love to laugh. Comedy shows and movies are among my favorites. If a man has a sense of humor and can make me laugh, it is a major plus.
3. AFFECTION: Needs to love me for me, and to be able to show it whether we're at home or in public. I need someone that's not afraid of a little PDA.
4. COMMON SENSE: Knows how to use his brain when it comes to certain situations...like, don't put your money and your keys in the same damn pocket!!! (YES, MrKB did it again, lost our last 10 bucks for the week this time. You'd think he learned after losing 575 dollars this way, but noooo!)
5. SENSITIVE: Needs to be sensitive to my feelings. Cheer me up when I'm down, anticipate my moods. Be sensitive to other people's feelings as well.
6. HARDWORKING: I don't want somebody who's lazy. I need to be taken care of too, and if that means for them to go out and have a job to earn the money for the family, then so be it. Don't expect me to do everything. Help out around the house too.
7. HANDSOME: This doesn't mean you have to look like Brad Pitt, but take care of yourself. Take some time to look nice for me, at least now and then. SHAVE for god's sakes.
8. GOOD IN BED: Let's face it...the quality of the sex in a relationship really matters. I'd hate to be married to a man that didn't have a clue what he's doing down there! Quantity isn't as important to me as quality. I'd rather have great sex just once a week than boring, non-satisfying sex 3 or 4 times a week. Pay attention to where my buttons are!
Okay, so there you have it. I'm not going to tag anybody for this one since a lot of people have already done it...if you haven't and you decide to, let me know so I can check it out! :)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Tagged Again!!!
Ok, so I was tagged 3 times! First I was tagged with the 4 Things Meme by Heather and also by Kimberly . Here we go!
1. Four jobs I've had:
Cashier
Cosmetologist
Daycare Teacher
MOMMY
2. Four movies I can watch over and over:
The Breakfast Club
The Green Mile
When Harry Met Sally
Blue Collar Comedy Tour (1 & 2)
3. Four favorite books:
The Green Mile by Stephen King
Rose Red by Stephen King
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank
4. Four places I've lived:
Oklahoma City, OK...born and raised, currently living
San Diego, CA...just for a couple of months when ex was in Navy
Kingston, OK
Fletcher, OK...small town of 1,002 people
5. Four TV Shows I love:
E.R.
King of Queens
Yes, Dear
Bernie Mac Show
6. Four Places I've Vacationed:
Portland, Maine
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Anaheim, California (Disneyland baby!)
Quartz Mountain State Park, OK
7. Four of My Favorite Foods:
Chicken Fettucine Alfredo w/ Broccoli and Mushroom
Alaskan Snow Crab Legs
Peel 'n Eat Shrimp
Steak
8. Four Sites I Visit Daily: Only four?!?!
Here's Your Sign
Hillbilly Mansion
The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
An Audience of One
I visit everyone in my blogroll daily.
9. Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
Las Vegas, NV
Hawaii
Jamaica
Anywhere warm and tropical!
10. Four People I'm Tagging:
Bexxie
Possum
Kim
Addict
Whew!! That took longer than I thought! I've also been tagged by ~Lil Deb~ with "8 Things That Make a Perfect Partner"...That ones gonna take awhile, and I need to think on it a bit, so check back tomorrow! :)
I also want to thank everybody who left me a comment on the last post. It was definitely a very difficult decision to make, but we think it's for his best interests. I appreciate all the kind words and reassurance that we are doing the right thing. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!
1. Four jobs I've had:
Cashier
Cosmetologist
Daycare Teacher
MOMMY
2. Four movies I can watch over and over:
The Breakfast Club
The Green Mile
When Harry Met Sally
Blue Collar Comedy Tour (1 & 2)
3. Four favorite books:
The Green Mile by Stephen King
Rose Red by Stephen King
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank
4. Four places I've lived:
Oklahoma City, OK...born and raised, currently living
San Diego, CA...just for a couple of months when ex was in Navy
Kingston, OK
Fletcher, OK...small town of 1,002 people
5. Four TV Shows I love:
E.R.
King of Queens
Yes, Dear
Bernie Mac Show
6. Four Places I've Vacationed:
Portland, Maine
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Anaheim, California (Disneyland baby!)
Quartz Mountain State Park, OK
7. Four of My Favorite Foods:
Chicken Fettucine Alfredo w/ Broccoli and Mushroom
Alaskan Snow Crab Legs
Peel 'n Eat Shrimp
Steak
8. Four Sites I Visit Daily: Only four?!?!
Here's Your Sign
Hillbilly Mansion
The Ramblings of a Redneck Diva
An Audience of One
I visit everyone in my blogroll daily.
9. Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
Las Vegas, NV
Hawaii
Jamaica
Anywhere warm and tropical!
10. Four People I'm Tagging:
Bexxie
Possum
Kim
Addict
Whew!! That took longer than I thought! I've also been tagged by ~Lil Deb~ with "8 Things That Make a Perfect Partner"...That ones gonna take awhile, and I need to think on it a bit, so check back tomorrow! :)
I also want to thank everybody who left me a comment on the last post. It was definitely a very difficult decision to make, but we think it's for his best interests. I appreciate all the kind words and reassurance that we are doing the right thing. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!
A Mixed Emotions Weekend
I hope everybody had a good weekend! Mine wasn't bad, just filled with different emotions.
On Friday my Mom called with some surprising news. My Uncle Jimmy, who's been living in Australia, was in town for a visit. He's one of my favorite uncles and I so rarely get to see him, I was very happy to hear he was in town. We went out to lunch with my Mom, Jimmy, and my sister at Golden Corral. Got caught up as much as we could over the happenings of the last few years. Apparently he is working on moving over to Thailand, where my Uncle Richard has been living the last year or so. I asked my Mom "Why Thailand?" It seems it's pretty cheap to live over there, so that's a big factor. Jimmy has also been thinking about moving back home to the States in the next year or so. I really hope he does!
On Saturday, Meghan reached another little milestone. She can clap her hands now, and it's so cute! I gotta remember to write that down in her baby book, and try to get a picture of her when she's doing it. Still no teeth yet! At this rate, they'll probably end up coming in all at once!
All that was good stuff that happened. What I'm going to share with you next is not exactly bad...more like very sad.
On Friday we went and met with our lawyer. Found out it will cost us 1,500 bucks for him to help us fight for Andy. Plus, he needs it all upfront. Not good. He's still going to be working the adoption on the girls...DHS pays him for that, but not for stuff like fighting for Andy.
Then, Friday evening when we went to pick Andy up for his weekend visit, he was really throwing a fit...did NOT want to go with us. He didn't used to act this way. I don't know if it's because of something someone there has been telling him, or what, but the last couple of weeks he's been really resistant to coming for visits.
All the back and forth stuff is starting to really take it's toll on him, so MrKB and I have done a lot of talking this weekend. We've come to a decision, and it wasn't an easy one to make. We want what's best for Andy, and we don't want to make things harder on him. So we have decided that it is probably better to let him continue to stay where he is, and let the fosters adopt him.
It's not that we don't love him, or think we can't take just as good of care of him. We are just thinking of his best interests, and after much deliberation and soul searching, decided this will be best for him. We will continue to have visits with him, and we will make arrangements for a visitation schedule similar to what a divorced couple would do.
For now, we are going to cut back on the weekend visits. We think every weekend is too much for him right now, so we'll probably be doing every other weekend instead. This will also give us the chance to go out on weekends if we want to...it's easier to get a babysitter for just the girls than all three kids. We haven't got to go out, just the two of us in quite awhile, and we need it!
I suppose now the battle is over...I kinda feel like we're letting Andy down by not fighting more for him. He will understand better when he is older, but for now this is the best decision we can make regarding him. I found out something I didn't know before...the foster home he's in now is his 8TH one. I knew he'd been bounced around, but damn...poor baby. No wonder this whole thing has been starting to really stress him out and upset him.
I hope y'all aren't disappointed in us. It breaks my heart, but believe me, we talked about this A LOT, not just this weekend, but before too. Andy having his meltdown, was just kinda a deciding factor. We want him to be happy more than anything, and he is happy where he's at...he's had stability where he's at, and he needs that right now. I know that if we ended up with him, that EVENTUALLY he would be fine, but the adjustment might take him years.
Not sure what's going to happen next. Don't know if we'll still be having a mediation hearing or not....don't go back to court until April 24th. Hopefully, after the next court date we will be able to move forward on the adoption, and have it final by summer.
Sigh....at least I'll have my little girls.
On Friday my Mom called with some surprising news. My Uncle Jimmy, who's been living in Australia, was in town for a visit. He's one of my favorite uncles and I so rarely get to see him, I was very happy to hear he was in town. We went out to lunch with my Mom, Jimmy, and my sister at Golden Corral. Got caught up as much as we could over the happenings of the last few years. Apparently he is working on moving over to Thailand, where my Uncle Richard has been living the last year or so. I asked my Mom "Why Thailand?" It seems it's pretty cheap to live over there, so that's a big factor. Jimmy has also been thinking about moving back home to the States in the next year or so. I really hope he does!
On Saturday, Meghan reached another little milestone. She can clap her hands now, and it's so cute! I gotta remember to write that down in her baby book, and try to get a picture of her when she's doing it. Still no teeth yet! At this rate, they'll probably end up coming in all at once!
All that was good stuff that happened. What I'm going to share with you next is not exactly bad...more like very sad.
On Friday we went and met with our lawyer. Found out it will cost us 1,500 bucks for him to help us fight for Andy. Plus, he needs it all upfront. Not good. He's still going to be working the adoption on the girls...DHS pays him for that, but not for stuff like fighting for Andy.
Then, Friday evening when we went to pick Andy up for his weekend visit, he was really throwing a fit...did NOT want to go with us. He didn't used to act this way. I don't know if it's because of something someone there has been telling him, or what, but the last couple of weeks he's been really resistant to coming for visits.
All the back and forth stuff is starting to really take it's toll on him, so MrKB and I have done a lot of talking this weekend. We've come to a decision, and it wasn't an easy one to make. We want what's best for Andy, and we don't want to make things harder on him. So we have decided that it is probably better to let him continue to stay where he is, and let the fosters adopt him.
It's not that we don't love him, or think we can't take just as good of care of him. We are just thinking of his best interests, and after much deliberation and soul searching, decided this will be best for him. We will continue to have visits with him, and we will make arrangements for a visitation schedule similar to what a divorced couple would do.
For now, we are going to cut back on the weekend visits. We think every weekend is too much for him right now, so we'll probably be doing every other weekend instead. This will also give us the chance to go out on weekends if we want to...it's easier to get a babysitter for just the girls than all three kids. We haven't got to go out, just the two of us in quite awhile, and we need it!
I suppose now the battle is over...I kinda feel like we're letting Andy down by not fighting more for him. He will understand better when he is older, but for now this is the best decision we can make regarding him. I found out something I didn't know before...the foster home he's in now is his 8TH one. I knew he'd been bounced around, but damn...poor baby. No wonder this whole thing has been starting to really stress him out and upset him.
I hope y'all aren't disappointed in us. It breaks my heart, but believe me, we talked about this A LOT, not just this weekend, but before too. Andy having his meltdown, was just kinda a deciding factor. We want him to be happy more than anything, and he is happy where he's at...he's had stability where he's at, and he needs that right now. I know that if we ended up with him, that EVENTUALLY he would be fine, but the adjustment might take him years.
Not sure what's going to happen next. Don't know if we'll still be having a mediation hearing or not....don't go back to court until April 24th. Hopefully, after the next court date we will be able to move forward on the adoption, and have it final by summer.
Sigh....at least I'll have my little girls.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
My 13th Half-Nekkid Thursday
A quick update before I get to the HNT pic...The PPR went okay, I guess. Caseworker again stated that DHS wants Andy placed with us. Bad news? They are still saying that nothing can be done as far as the adoption on the girls until things are decided about Andy. Even though the judge already okayed it. Apparently she can OK it all she wants but the State office won't proceed until placement on all the kids is decided.
That made no sense to me. Since when is DHS higher than a judge's decision??? We finally got ahold of our lawyer today and we will be going in to see him on Friday to discuss the case. Maybe he'll be able to do something regarding the adoption, I don't know. Also, the adoption is not going to cost us anything, but we found out that for him to help us fight for Andy, it's going to cost...and come out of our pockets. We will at least need him for the mediation hearing. I don't know how much it will cost, but if we can't afford him or get something worked out, I don't know what we will do. Might have to end up giving Andy up.
Anyway, I know y'all are here for HNT, but I wanted to post a bit of an update for those who cared.
This week's HNT is what I consider to be my best feature. Lately they are very tired! So here ya go.....My eyes! BTW, this is without makeup...not even mascara. You should see 'em when they're all dressed up! LOL
That made no sense to me. Since when is DHS higher than a judge's decision??? We finally got ahold of our lawyer today and we will be going in to see him on Friday to discuss the case. Maybe he'll be able to do something regarding the adoption, I don't know. Also, the adoption is not going to cost us anything, but we found out that for him to help us fight for Andy, it's going to cost...and come out of our pockets. We will at least need him for the mediation hearing. I don't know how much it will cost, but if we can't afford him or get something worked out, I don't know what we will do. Might have to end up giving Andy up.
Anyway, I know y'all are here for HNT, but I wanted to post a bit of an update for those who cared.
This week's HNT is what I consider to be my best feature. Lately they are very tired! So here ya go.....My eyes! BTW, this is without makeup...not even mascara. You should see 'em when they're all dressed up! LOL
Let Me Introduce You...
...to my friend Bexxie!
Bexxie is an internet friend of mine from Australia. We've known each other for about 5 years now, used to chat all the time in an ICQ chatroom. She's really sweet, maybe a little weird (hehe!) and I love her to death!
Bex recently decided to join me over here in blogland and started her own blog. Do me a favor, go on over, check out her new place and show her some blogger love!
Today MrKB and I have that permenancy placement review to go to. I'm a bit nervous about it, since I have no idea what's going to happen. I hate unknowns.
Still haven't got ahold of our lawyer yet either. Playing phone tag basically. Very frustrating.
I'm so boring...nothing to write about! I need to clean the house, but I don't feel like it. It's not that bad, really...just a bit cluttered. I keep it looking pretty decent 'cuz I never know when someone from DHS will pop by unexpectedly.
That's all folks!
Bexxie is an internet friend of mine from Australia. We've known each other for about 5 years now, used to chat all the time in an ICQ chatroom. She's really sweet, maybe a little weird (hehe!) and I love her to death!
Bex recently decided to join me over here in blogland and started her own blog. Do me a favor, go on over, check out her new place and show her some blogger love!
Today MrKB and I have that permenancy placement review to go to. I'm a bit nervous about it, since I have no idea what's going to happen. I hate unknowns.
Still haven't got ahold of our lawyer yet either. Playing phone tag basically. Very frustrating.
I'm so boring...nothing to write about! I need to clean the house, but I don't feel like it. It's not that bad, really...just a bit cluttered. I keep it looking pretty decent 'cuz I never know when someone from DHS will pop by unexpectedly.
That's all folks!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Well This is Fun...
This morning all three of the kids (Andy's here for his weekend visit) have got the shits. No idea what it's from, they didn't all eat the same thing, so I figure it's a bug from somewhere.
That, and the baby has a rash that just won't go away...and she's finally teething....poor thing probably doesn't feel very good today.
Sigh...at least they're not throwing up.
That, and the baby has a rash that just won't go away...and she's finally teething....poor thing probably doesn't feel very good today.
Sigh...at least they're not throwing up.
Friday, January 20, 2006
The Saga Continues...
As my regular readers know, we had to go to court yesterday regarding the kids. Things went better this time around...I didn't end up leaving extremely upset and in tears.
If you saw my edit to my HNT post, you know the big news. The judge gave the OK for us to move forward on adopting the girls. As far as they go, it's just a matter of the adoption paperwork getting started and being filed. We go back to court in April, and hopefully one of the things that happens then is the finalization on the adoption. I'm so excited about this, and it takes a load off of my mind.
Andy's situation is still undecided. His fosters had a lawyer in court with them this time, which was not good. He was saying how attached they were to him and how they don't want to lose him...many tears have been shed in his office over this little boy, blah, blah, blah. He told the judge that they should move forward with adoption.
The judge didn't think it was fair that they had representation in court and we didn't. She ordered a mediation hearing and then we go back to court April 24th.
DHS caseworker told the judge she wants him with us. So that was good, at least.
Everyone kept going on about the "best interests of the child". Just because Andy may be attached to the fosters doesn't mean it's his best interest to stay with them. Though the judge did say that if they ended up with him she would court order continued visits. But still...it's his best interest to be with actual blood family in my opinion. He's got that right. The right to know exactly where he comes from, and to know his extended family that loves him. We can teach him things that the fosters can't.
It's not like his family is full of drug fueled abusers after all. If it were a danger to him to be with us, then I could see him being permanently placed with them. But it's not the case. He's perfectly safe and loved with us and our families.
They tried to bring up the smoking issue again, but one of the lawyers that was there spoke up and said that smoking is not the issue here. We told the judge that we had quit since the last court date. Then the CASA worker brings up MrKB's mom again, saying that SHE smokes and is around the kids a lot. I spoke up and said she is NOT around them a lot, and when she is she doesn't smoke around them. Then MrKB told the judge that she is working on quitting also and we are supporting her and hoping that seeing what we've done will be a good influence on her. The judge nodded her head and nothing more was said about it.
So we will see what happens next. On the 25th, we will be going to a Permanency Placement Review at DHS. February 4th we have to have another "family meeting" with our family care provider, but this time the fosters are going to be there too. I really don't know what that is going to accomplish, and we're not real comfortable with it.
Oh yeah, in court the therapist also was saying that Andy's been having some behavior problems. I'm sorry but that can't be blamed on us. We've requested another therapist's opinion since this one is biased toward the fosters. Also, supposedly Andy has said he doesn't want to go when it comes time for visits with us. This was news to me since he's never showed any resistance to coming to our house. A lot of times he'll run right out the door to our van without saying goodbye even, and we have to have him come back and say his goodbyes.
We are getting so tired of all the bullshit. It's just getting ridiculous. It's ALMOST enough to make us give up and say fuck it, they can have him. That's what they are hoping for, I think. Ain't gonna happen!
Anyway, we are getting back in touch with our lawyer that we've talked to on and off about the case. Next time we will have our own lawyer in the courtroom and I bet they're not expecting that!
That's all I have to say!
If you saw my edit to my HNT post, you know the big news. The judge gave the OK for us to move forward on adopting the girls. As far as they go, it's just a matter of the adoption paperwork getting started and being filed. We go back to court in April, and hopefully one of the things that happens then is the finalization on the adoption. I'm so excited about this, and it takes a load off of my mind.
Andy's situation is still undecided. His fosters had a lawyer in court with them this time, which was not good. He was saying how attached they were to him and how they don't want to lose him...many tears have been shed in his office over this little boy, blah, blah, blah. He told the judge that they should move forward with adoption.
The judge didn't think it was fair that they had representation in court and we didn't. She ordered a mediation hearing and then we go back to court April 24th.
DHS caseworker told the judge she wants him with us. So that was good, at least.
Everyone kept going on about the "best interests of the child". Just because Andy may be attached to the fosters doesn't mean it's his best interest to stay with them. Though the judge did say that if they ended up with him she would court order continued visits. But still...it's his best interest to be with actual blood family in my opinion. He's got that right. The right to know exactly where he comes from, and to know his extended family that loves him. We can teach him things that the fosters can't.
It's not like his family is full of drug fueled abusers after all. If it were a danger to him to be with us, then I could see him being permanently placed with them. But it's not the case. He's perfectly safe and loved with us and our families.
They tried to bring up the smoking issue again, but one of the lawyers that was there spoke up and said that smoking is not the issue here. We told the judge that we had quit since the last court date. Then the CASA worker brings up MrKB's mom again, saying that SHE smokes and is around the kids a lot. I spoke up and said she is NOT around them a lot, and when she is she doesn't smoke around them. Then MrKB told the judge that she is working on quitting also and we are supporting her and hoping that seeing what we've done will be a good influence on her. The judge nodded her head and nothing more was said about it.
So we will see what happens next. On the 25th, we will be going to a Permanency Placement Review at DHS. February 4th we have to have another "family meeting" with our family care provider, but this time the fosters are going to be there too. I really don't know what that is going to accomplish, and we're not real comfortable with it.
Oh yeah, in court the therapist also was saying that Andy's been having some behavior problems. I'm sorry but that can't be blamed on us. We've requested another therapist's opinion since this one is biased toward the fosters. Also, supposedly Andy has said he doesn't want to go when it comes time for visits with us. This was news to me since he's never showed any resistance to coming to our house. A lot of times he'll run right out the door to our van without saying goodbye even, and we have to have him come back and say his goodbyes.
We are getting so tired of all the bullshit. It's just getting ridiculous. It's ALMOST enough to make us give up and say fuck it, they can have him. That's what they are hoping for, I think. Ain't gonna happen!
Anyway, we are getting back in touch with our lawyer that we've talked to on and off about the case. Next time we will have our own lawyer in the courtroom and I bet they're not expecting that!
That's all I have to say!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
My 12th Half-Nekkid Thursday
*EDIT* Not to take away from HNT, but we went to court today about the kids...Things with Andy are still up in the air (more on that later) but I couldn't wait to tell y'all the big news: The judge gave the OK to start the adoption process on the girls!!!! WE ARE OFFICIALLY GOING TO BE ADOPTING DESTINY AND MEGHAN!!!! I'm very relieved and excited and just had to share! :)
Sorry, if you were lookin' for more lingerie shots this week, I ain't got 'em!
Instead, I wanted to share a picture of the very first time I ever got to hold Meghan. This was taken at the hospital when she was about two weeks old, a few days before we got to bring her home. Her little hand is blurry 'cuz she decided to move right at that moment.
Since all you can really see of me is the side of my head and all my hair, I think this counts as half-nekkid, don't you?
Sorry, if you were lookin' for more lingerie shots this week, I ain't got 'em!
Instead, I wanted to share a picture of the very first time I ever got to hold Meghan. This was taken at the hospital when she was about two weeks old, a few days before we got to bring her home. Her little hand is blurry 'cuz she decided to move right at that moment.
Since all you can really see of me is the side of my head and all my hair, I think this counts as half-nekkid, don't you?
For more half-nekkidness, go and see Osbasso, Grand Poobah of all things Half Nekkid!! Click on the red button with the lady in lingerie for guidelines.
Happy HNT! :)
Monday, January 16, 2006
Many Thanks!!
Thank you to all of you who took the time to comment on my last post! I really do feel a lot better about the situation. Destiny is still getting into trouble a lot, and still gets on my nerves, but I love her very much and we will be okay. I was so relieved to hear that I'm NOT the only Mom who has felt this way...sometimes I think she'd be easier to take if I HAD got to have that time with her when she was a baby. Maybe that's true, but then maybe not.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger....right?? All I know is I am in this for the long haul. If I have anything to say about it, this will be her LAST foster home...it is going to be her FOREVER home.
Something else I have been thinking about, mostly since seeing Aughra's post with her big news. Even though I have these two little girls in my life now, I still desperately want to be pregnant and have a baby of my own with the man I love more than anything. I've tried so long and so hard, all the while watching my brother-in-law have kid after kid that he needed like a hole in his head....while watching my own sister have two kids. That was particularly hard for me. I am the oldest and was supposed to have kids first. Plus, she always said she didn't want kids! All my cousins, except for one, have had babies now. I still feel left out. And I still get a little jealous and envious when I hear someone is pregnant. I am happy for them, don't get me wrong....I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anybody. But it is still hard. Something is obviously wrong somewhere, and I can't afford to find out what it is.
Having Meghan in my life has helped tremendously in easing the pains in my heart. I am scared to death that something will happen for her to be taken away from me, and I don't think I could take that kind of pain. If that was to happen, you will surely find me locked up in a mental institution somewhere! But let's not think about that!!! Positive thoughts, right??
Lots of people told me when we first got Meghan, "Watch, now that you have the baby and are gonna have more kids, you will get pregnant since you won't be dwelling on it as much." Well, here it is 8 months later and still not pregnant. I know, you're thinking, "You've got so much going on already, why in the world would you want more?!?" I don't know. I guess this desire for my own child will never go away. Maybe it's not meant to be...but I sure hope it happens someday.
Anyway...we go back to court this Thursday. After what happened the last time, I am not looking forward to going. Hopefully I am worrying about nothing, and it will be completely different this time around. The biggest thing I'm hoping for is the judge will want us to go ahead and start adoption on the girls. I will feel so much better once they are adopted. I won't have to worry about them being taken from me anymore. There's no reason for them to be taken away, but it's still something you worry about in this kind of situation, believe me.
I'm not expecting any major decisions to be made regarding Andy. Maybe only a court order that we get him on his Spring Break, but that's still a ways away. Apparently we could have had him for at least a week over his Christmas break, but we just didn't think about the fact that he was out of school, and that if we'd asked we could have had him for a longer period of time. Not used to having a school-aged child. This was brought up at the last counseling session...they want us to be having more time with him than just the weekends, but him being in school makes that difficult. The reason being, is that when the judge does decide that he should be with us, she's gonna want him moved right then. The CASA worker and the therapist want him to be used to spending longer amounts of time with us before this happens.
Boy, I've just rambled on and on in this post. All I had originally intended was to say THANK YOU to y'all who commented in the last post. You really made me feel loads better, and it meant a lot to me that so many took the time to comment and share their views. More than you could ever know.
And oh yeah....Diva?? I think you NE bloggers need to come on down into the City and we could all go out to the new casino at Remington. Did ya know that the majority of the machines there don't have those stupid bingo cards on them?? No Redball though..they need to get that. Whatever, though, I'd love to meet up with y'all somewhere for a Girl's Night...that'd be so awesome! :)
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger....right?? All I know is I am in this for the long haul. If I have anything to say about it, this will be her LAST foster home...it is going to be her FOREVER home.
Something else I have been thinking about, mostly since seeing Aughra's post with her big news. Even though I have these two little girls in my life now, I still desperately want to be pregnant and have a baby of my own with the man I love more than anything. I've tried so long and so hard, all the while watching my brother-in-law have kid after kid that he needed like a hole in his head....while watching my own sister have two kids. That was particularly hard for me. I am the oldest and was supposed to have kids first. Plus, she always said she didn't want kids! All my cousins, except for one, have had babies now. I still feel left out. And I still get a little jealous and envious when I hear someone is pregnant. I am happy for them, don't get me wrong....I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anybody. But it is still hard. Something is obviously wrong somewhere, and I can't afford to find out what it is.
Having Meghan in my life has helped tremendously in easing the pains in my heart. I am scared to death that something will happen for her to be taken away from me, and I don't think I could take that kind of pain. If that was to happen, you will surely find me locked up in a mental institution somewhere! But let's not think about that!!! Positive thoughts, right??
Lots of people told me when we first got Meghan, "Watch, now that you have the baby and are gonna have more kids, you will get pregnant since you won't be dwelling on it as much." Well, here it is 8 months later and still not pregnant. I know, you're thinking, "You've got so much going on already, why in the world would you want more?!?" I don't know. I guess this desire for my own child will never go away. Maybe it's not meant to be...but I sure hope it happens someday.
Anyway...we go back to court this Thursday. After what happened the last time, I am not looking forward to going. Hopefully I am worrying about nothing, and it will be completely different this time around. The biggest thing I'm hoping for is the judge will want us to go ahead and start adoption on the girls. I will feel so much better once they are adopted. I won't have to worry about them being taken from me anymore. There's no reason for them to be taken away, but it's still something you worry about in this kind of situation, believe me.
I'm not expecting any major decisions to be made regarding Andy. Maybe only a court order that we get him on his Spring Break, but that's still a ways away. Apparently we could have had him for at least a week over his Christmas break, but we just didn't think about the fact that he was out of school, and that if we'd asked we could have had him for a longer period of time. Not used to having a school-aged child. This was brought up at the last counseling session...they want us to be having more time with him than just the weekends, but him being in school makes that difficult. The reason being, is that when the judge does decide that he should be with us, she's gonna want him moved right then. The CASA worker and the therapist want him to be used to spending longer amounts of time with us before this happens.
Boy, I've just rambled on and on in this post. All I had originally intended was to say THANK YOU to y'all who commented in the last post. You really made me feel loads better, and it meant a lot to me that so many took the time to comment and share their views. More than you could ever know.
And oh yeah....Diva?? I think you NE bloggers need to come on down into the City and we could all go out to the new casino at Remington. Did ya know that the majority of the machines there don't have those stupid bingo cards on them?? No Redball though..they need to get that. Whatever, though, I'd love to meet up with y'all somewhere for a Girl's Night...that'd be so awesome! :)
Friday, January 13, 2006
Wandering Thoughts
For days now, I've sat down here and tried to get things out of my head. So many things being tossed about and I just haven't been able to sort them out enough so they might make sense to y'all on here.
The biggest thing that's been on my mind is in regards to a fight that I had with MrKB. This is deeply personal, so bear with me, okay?
This fight, or maybe you could call it more like an argument, or a difference of opinion, centered around Destiny. You all know she just turned 3 years old, and if you have kids, you know how they can be at that age. Destiny, plain and simple, gets on my nerves quite easily. MrKB thinks I am too hard on her a lot of times, and that I'm too quick to lose my temper with her. I try not to, I really do. I love her very much and can't picture life without her anymore. I do tend to get angry at her easier and more often than MrKB. I told him that this is probably due to the fact that I am with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...while he goes off to work for at LEAST 9 hours a day. The other day he worked 16 hours and didn't see her at all that day since she was still asleep when he left, and had already gone to bed by the time he got home. When she keeps getting in trouble for the same shit all the time, it's easy for me to get frustrated with her. He sees this, and can't understand why I get so mad. "She's only 3" he says. (She wasn't yet 3 at the time we had this fight, but close enough) I said, "Well, if you had to keep getting onto her for the same shit over and over again, you'd be frustrated and quicker to get upset too."
Anyway, that's part of it related to Destiny. The other part is he thinks that I don't feel the same way about Destiny that I do Meghan, the baby. He's right, I fear. Don't get me wrong, I love them both very much...I just don't have the same bond with each of them. Meghan, I have had since she was just 3 weeks old, straight from the hospital...nobody else has been her Mama but me. So I've been able to do all the "normal" bonding with her. Destiny was already 2 1/2 and had been through four other foster homes, plus being with her biological parents, before she came to us. I have bonded with her to a point. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her...and if someone were trying to hurt her or take her from me, you better believe I would fight for her. But I don't feel especially close to her. She doesn't (at this point in time) bring me the same joy to my heart that Meghan does.
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A little while later...I had to stop writing because I was making myself cry...
Anyway, I don't know what it is in regards to Destiny and me. Sometimes the very sound of her voice irritates me. I have had such guilty feelings about all this...what kind of mother am I??? What kind of mother feels this way toward her child? One of my worst thoughts, and this is VERY difficult for me to admit...I didn't even want to tell MrKB I had thought this...sometimes I wish that it was JUST the baby we were dealing with. It is not the case, I know. It would be SO much easier if it was. Admitting this to MrKB has got him all worried about me. He wonders now if I am going to be able to handle everything. The night we had this fight, I had pretty much what I would call an emotional breakdown. I cried...I cried long, and I cried hard. I felt like I was just falling to pieces.
Then there's Andy....Oh, he's a whole 'nother set of stressful things. You know we are STILL battling to even get him in our home. We are making progress, but there's still that chance the judge at court will decide to just let his current foster parents keep him. First it was the "why didn't you guys come forward sooner" issue...then there was the "me bonding with him" issue...now it's the smoking thing. We go back to court on the 19th of this month. Wish us luck!
Andy also comes with a lot of health issues, as I'm sure I've mentioned before. He has severe asthma, requiring breathing treatments 3 times a day...He also takes Singulair for allergies...And he suffers from severe excema, which requires two different prescribed medications to be rubbed all over his body twice a day. He's got an inhaler for his asthma too, though since he's been on the breathing treatments, it doesn't get used as much. All this in itself can be stressful.
I am tired. Tired of everything we do not being enough.
We asked the caseworker recently about going ahead and starting the adoption process for the girls. Know what she said?? She said she wanted to wait until everything with Andy was all worked out. Otherwise it'd be like "separating them".
Ummmm...hello??? They are ALREADY separated!! That makes absolutely no fucking sense. What happens if the judge decides to let Andy's fosters keep him?? Shouldn't make a difference whether they are already adopted or not. I think she just doesn't want to deal with the paperwork if you ask me. You would think that DHS would be happy to get two more kids out of the system.
Last time we went to a counseling appointment with Andy, the CASA worker was there (Court Appointed Special Advocate...works for the kids) and we mentioned what the caseworker had said about adoption on the girls to her and the therapist. Neither one of them could believe the caseworker said that. We are supposed to bring up adopting the girls next time we go to court...if we don't, the CASA worker is going to. So we will see what the judge says about that situation.
Also, in counseling this last time, we got asked basically how serious we were about Andy, and getting him in our home. They questioned our commitment to him. We basically told them that if we weren't serious about it that we would not have already put ourselves through all the shit we have already. They say they were asking because it might come up in court. Kinda pissed us off, really.
BTW...to Brady's Mom: We haven't yet completed the adoption on the kids, we are still just foster parents. It's been a long, difficult road that we are still going down. More about that later, I'll email you sometime, okay?
So, how do I feel about all this??? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a good mom...other times I feel like I suck. I hope you guys don't think differently about me now that I've talked about Destiny like this. I do love her...but it is different than the way I love Meghan. I don't know what it is. Maybe because Meghan was the answer to my prayers I've had for 12 years for a baby of my own. Technically she's not "my own" but she's as close as I'm gonna get.
That's all I can think of to say right now...
The biggest thing that's been on my mind is in regards to a fight that I had with MrKB. This is deeply personal, so bear with me, okay?
This fight, or maybe you could call it more like an argument, or a difference of opinion, centered around Destiny. You all know she just turned 3 years old, and if you have kids, you know how they can be at that age. Destiny, plain and simple, gets on my nerves quite easily. MrKB thinks I am too hard on her a lot of times, and that I'm too quick to lose my temper with her. I try not to, I really do. I love her very much and can't picture life without her anymore. I do tend to get angry at her easier and more often than MrKB. I told him that this is probably due to the fact that I am with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...while he goes off to work for at LEAST 9 hours a day. The other day he worked 16 hours and didn't see her at all that day since she was still asleep when he left, and had already gone to bed by the time he got home. When she keeps getting in trouble for the same shit all the time, it's easy for me to get frustrated with her. He sees this, and can't understand why I get so mad. "She's only 3" he says. (She wasn't yet 3 at the time we had this fight, but close enough) I said, "Well, if you had to keep getting onto her for the same shit over and over again, you'd be frustrated and quicker to get upset too."
Anyway, that's part of it related to Destiny. The other part is he thinks that I don't feel the same way about Destiny that I do Meghan, the baby. He's right, I fear. Don't get me wrong, I love them both very much...I just don't have the same bond with each of them. Meghan, I have had since she was just 3 weeks old, straight from the hospital...nobody else has been her Mama but me. So I've been able to do all the "normal" bonding with her. Destiny was already 2 1/2 and had been through four other foster homes, plus being with her biological parents, before she came to us. I have bonded with her to a point. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her...and if someone were trying to hurt her or take her from me, you better believe I would fight for her. But I don't feel especially close to her. She doesn't (at this point in time) bring me the same joy to my heart that Meghan does.
*
*
*
*
*
*
A little while later...I had to stop writing because I was making myself cry...
Anyway, I don't know what it is in regards to Destiny and me. Sometimes the very sound of her voice irritates me. I have had such guilty feelings about all this...what kind of mother am I??? What kind of mother feels this way toward her child? One of my worst thoughts, and this is VERY difficult for me to admit...I didn't even want to tell MrKB I had thought this...sometimes I wish that it was JUST the baby we were dealing with. It is not the case, I know. It would be SO much easier if it was. Admitting this to MrKB has got him all worried about me. He wonders now if I am going to be able to handle everything. The night we had this fight, I had pretty much what I would call an emotional breakdown. I cried...I cried long, and I cried hard. I felt like I was just falling to pieces.
Then there's Andy....Oh, he's a whole 'nother set of stressful things. You know we are STILL battling to even get him in our home. We are making progress, but there's still that chance the judge at court will decide to just let his current foster parents keep him. First it was the "why didn't you guys come forward sooner" issue...then there was the "me bonding with him" issue...now it's the smoking thing. We go back to court on the 19th of this month. Wish us luck!
Andy also comes with a lot of health issues, as I'm sure I've mentioned before. He has severe asthma, requiring breathing treatments 3 times a day...He also takes Singulair for allergies...And he suffers from severe excema, which requires two different prescribed medications to be rubbed all over his body twice a day. He's got an inhaler for his asthma too, though since he's been on the breathing treatments, it doesn't get used as much. All this in itself can be stressful.
I am tired. Tired of everything we do not being enough.
We asked the caseworker recently about going ahead and starting the adoption process for the girls. Know what she said?? She said she wanted to wait until everything with Andy was all worked out. Otherwise it'd be like "separating them".
Ummmm...hello??? They are ALREADY separated!! That makes absolutely no fucking sense. What happens if the judge decides to let Andy's fosters keep him?? Shouldn't make a difference whether they are already adopted or not. I think she just doesn't want to deal with the paperwork if you ask me. You would think that DHS would be happy to get two more kids out of the system.
Last time we went to a counseling appointment with Andy, the CASA worker was there (Court Appointed Special Advocate...works for the kids) and we mentioned what the caseworker had said about adoption on the girls to her and the therapist. Neither one of them could believe the caseworker said that. We are supposed to bring up adopting the girls next time we go to court...if we don't, the CASA worker is going to. So we will see what the judge says about that situation.
Also, in counseling this last time, we got asked basically how serious we were about Andy, and getting him in our home. They questioned our commitment to him. We basically told them that if we weren't serious about it that we would not have already put ourselves through all the shit we have already. They say they were asking because it might come up in court. Kinda pissed us off, really.
BTW...to Brady's Mom: We haven't yet completed the adoption on the kids, we are still just foster parents. It's been a long, difficult road that we are still going down. More about that later, I'll email you sometime, okay?
So, how do I feel about all this??? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a good mom...other times I feel like I suck. I hope you guys don't think differently about me now that I've talked about Destiny like this. I do love her...but it is different than the way I love Meghan. I don't know what it is. Maybe because Meghan was the answer to my prayers I've had for 12 years for a baby of my own. Technically she's not "my own" but she's as close as I'm gonna get.
That's all I can think of to say right now...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
My 11th Half-Nekkid Thursday
So, last week I posted a picture of the sexy little number that MrKB bought for me, and it seems to have received good reviews. I also mentioned that this outfit came with a matching thong, and that I had a pic of the rear view that I had decided not to include.
After receiving several requests, and after much deliberation on my part, (my backside is not one of my favorite body parts) I give you.....
THE REAR VIEW! Happy HNT! :)
If you want more Half-Nekkidness, you've gotta go see the Grand Poobah of HNT...Osbasso !! Click on the red button with the lady in lingerie for Guidelines!
After receiving several requests, and after much deliberation on my part, (my backside is not one of my favorite body parts) I give you.....
THE REAR VIEW! Happy HNT! :)
If you want more Half-Nekkidness, you've gotta go see the Grand Poobah of HNT...Osbasso !! Click on the red button with the lady in lingerie for Guidelines!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Anyone Know Who This Is???
Domain Name cox.net ? (Network)IP Address 68.229.155.# (Cox Communications)
68.229.155.230ISP Cox CommunicationsLocation
Continent
:
North America
Country
:
United States (Facts)
State
:
Louisiana
City
:
Deridder
Lat/Long
:
30.6517, -93.2996 (Map)Language English (United States)en-usOperating System Microsoft WinXPBrowser Internet Explorer 6.0Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)Javascript version 1.3Monitor
Resolution
:
1280 x 800
Color Depth
:
32 bits Time of Visit Jan 10 2006 4:26:10 pmLast Page View Jan 10 2006 4:30:18 pmVisit Length 4 minutes 8 secondsPage Views 5Referring URLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127412Visit Entry Page http://mamakbear.blogspot.com/Visit Exit Page http://mamakbear.blogspot.com/Time Zone UTC-6:00CST - Central Standard TimeCDT - Central Daylight Saving TimeVisitor's Time Jan 10 2006 4:26:10 pmVisit Number 5,000
68.229.155.230ISP Cox CommunicationsLocation
Continent
:
North America
Country
:
United States (Facts)
State
:
Louisiana
City
:
Deridder
Lat/Long
:
30.6517, -93.2996 (Map)Language English (United States)en-usOperating System Microsoft WinXPBrowser Internet Explorer 6.0Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)Javascript version 1.3Monitor
Resolution
:
1280 x 800
Color Depth
:
32 bits Time of Visit Jan 10 2006 4:26:10 pmLast Page View Jan 10 2006 4:30:18 pmVisit Length 4 minutes 8 secondsPage Views 5Referring URLhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14127412Visit Entry Page http://mamakbear.blogspot.com/Visit Exit Page http://mamakbear.blogspot.com/Time Zone UTC-6:00CST - Central Standard TimeCDT - Central Daylight Saving TimeVisitor's Time Jan 10 2006 4:26:10 pmVisit Number 5,000
Monday, January 09, 2006
Coming Up on My 5,000th Visitor!
How exciting is that?? I've only been blogging since October...I can't believe there's already been almost 5,000 visitors to my little place! Who will it be?? Be sure to check the sitemeter waaaay down at the bottom of my blog and let me know in the comments if it's you, mmmkay?
Now, I was tagged by Heather , and I promised I'd get it done a.s.a.p. This is actually perfect since my brain's just been swimming with all kinds of things I can't seem to get down on "paper" so to speak.
Basically you list the first sentence of your blog for each month of 2005. Since I didn't start blogging until October, this will be a relatively short one. I will go ahead and throw in January '06 to be fair.
October '05: "Ok, so here I am...my first post on my shiny new blog!" *MrsCoach had the honor of being my very first commenter. :) *
November '05: "See what happens when I go trying to change things on my blog?!?" *That was when I was first learning how to add a blogroll...you can see I eventually got it figured out.*
December '05: "On this day 4 years ago, my sister had her first baby...my niece Angelina!" *I had SO hoped she'd be born on my birthday two days later...which happened to be my 30th.*
January '06: "OK, here's the deal...I'm curious as to how many of y'all actually come by my little space on a regular basis." *calling the lurkers out here...Thanks so much to all you guys that commented!*
Okie doke, so that's it! Now I tag: SignGurl(Jenn) ...get to it girlfriend! :)
Now, I was tagged by Heather , and I promised I'd get it done a.s.a.p. This is actually perfect since my brain's just been swimming with all kinds of things I can't seem to get down on "paper" so to speak.
Basically you list the first sentence of your blog for each month of 2005. Since I didn't start blogging until October, this will be a relatively short one. I will go ahead and throw in January '06 to be fair.
October '05: "Ok, so here I am...my first post on my shiny new blog!" *MrsCoach had the honor of being my very first commenter. :) *
November '05: "See what happens when I go trying to change things on my blog?!?" *That was when I was first learning how to add a blogroll...you can see I eventually got it figured out.*
December '05: "On this day 4 years ago, my sister had her first baby...my niece Angelina!" *I had SO hoped she'd be born on my birthday two days later...which happened to be my 30th.*
January '06: "OK, here's the deal...I'm curious as to how many of y'all actually come by my little space on a regular basis." *calling the lurkers out here...Thanks so much to all you guys that commented!*
Okie doke, so that's it! Now I tag: SignGurl(Jenn) ...get to it girlfriend! :)
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I Know, I Suck...
...at blogging lately. I've got all kinds of things in my head to talk about, and then I sit here and just draw a blank. Does this happen to anyone else?? I've still got nothin' at the moment, but since I finally put them on the computer, I thought I'd post some pictures from Christmas. Anyone mind?? No?? Good, 'cuz even if ya did, I'm posting them anyw
ay, so there!
Andy investigating the goodies in his stocking...and posing happily with his new remote-control truck. I think these are the first pics I've ever posted of Andy. See how short his hair is?? The day before we went to pick him up for his visit he apparently got ahold of some scissors and commenced to cutting his own hair...not just once, but TWICE!! In the SAME day! Now, you KNOW that if he'd done that while in our care that his fosters would've raised hell about it. But that's a rant for another day.
Destiny with her stocking....Notice how there's a different stocking in each of the pics?? That's 'cuz MrKB messed up and gave the kids the wrong stockings. Took a couple minutes to realize his mistake since they got a bit of the same stuff. Figured it out when Andy pulled bracelets out of what he thought was his stocking and looked at them lik
e WTF??? 
Mommy's favorite present! This was actually taken a couple days after Christmas....we were so busy trying to catch Andy and Destiny opening stuff we didn't get any pictures of Meghan! My Mom and Dad did though...
The pic of her in the gift bag would've been perfect, but right there in front of her mouth is the clear hanger thingie attached to the bag from where it hung at the store....damn...wish I'd noticed it before I took the picture!! May try to edit it out later. 
This one WAS taken of Meghan at Christmastime...she was all worn out from all that commotion, wrapping paper, and bows, so she fell asleep while PaPa was holding her. And I know, the date says the 23rd...we did Christmas that night at my parents' house.
This last one isn't Christmas related...it's more a "first". This is Meghan in the process of eating one of those baby "Biter Biscuits"...cookie-like thing that smells like graham crackers. It was so cute I had to take a picture! :) Hope you enjoyed seeing these pics!
ay, so there!
Andy investigating the goodies in his stocking...and posing happily with his new remote-control truck. I think these are the first pics I've ever posted of Andy. See how short his hair is?? The day before we went to pick him up for his visit he apparently got ahold of some scissors and commenced to cutting his own hair...not just once, but TWICE!! In the SAME day! Now, you KNOW that if he'd done that while in our care that his fosters would've raised hell about it. But that's a rant for another day.
Destiny with her stocking....Notice how there's a different stocking in each of the pics?? That's 'cuz MrKB messed up and gave the kids the wrong stockings. Took a couple minutes to realize his mistake since they got a bit of the same stuff. Figured it out when Andy pulled bracelets out of what he thought was his stocking and looked at them lik
e WTF??? 
Mommy's favorite present! This was actually taken a couple days after Christmas....we were so busy trying to catch Andy and Destiny opening stuff we didn't get any pictures of Meghan! My Mom and Dad did though...
The pic of her in the gift bag would've been perfect, but right there in front of her mouth is the clear hanger thingie attached to the bag from where it hung at the store....damn...wish I'd noticed it before I took the picture!! May try to edit it out later. 
This one WAS taken of Meghan at Christmastime...she was all worn out from all that commotion, wrapping paper, and bows, so she fell asleep while PaPa was holding her. And I know, the date says the 23rd...we did Christmas that night at my parents' house.
This last one isn't Christmas related...it's more a "first". This is Meghan in the process of eating one of those baby "Biter Biscuits"...cookie-like thing that smells like graham crackers. It was so cute I had to take a picture! :) Hope you enjoyed seeing these pics!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
My 10th Half-Nekkid Thursday
For HNT this week I thought I'd show y'all what MrKB bought for me the other day. We were out shopping and I saw this sexy little ensemble and sweet talked him into getting it for me. He did, and said it was a belated birthday and Christmas present. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! NO HE DIDN'T!!! NOT THE DREADED "COMBO" GIFT!!!!!
Actually, you had to buy the nightie and the robe separate, so I guess technically it was two different things. LOL Oh, and it also came with matching thong. *wiggling eyebrows*....I have a pic of the rear view I almost posted with this, but decided against it. At least for this week..... ; )
Actually, you had to buy the nightie and the robe separate, so I guess technically it was two different things. LOL Oh, and it also came with matching thong. *wiggling eyebrows*....I have a pic of the rear view I almost posted with this, but decided against it. At least for this week..... ; )
Monday, January 02, 2006
Calling All Lurkers!!!
Ok, here's the deal...I am curious as to how many of y'all actually come by my little space on a regular basis. Some of you I already know as regulars because you comment often...and I love ya for it!
According to my sitemeter, I have an average of 65 hits a day, not counting Thursdays obviously, and only about 10 or so peeps comment with any regularity.
So, humor me, please....leave a comment today, even if just to say "Hi" and let me know you were here. Thanks so much! :)
According to my sitemeter, I have an average of 65 hits a day, not counting Thursdays obviously, and only about 10 or so peeps comment with any regularity.
So, humor me, please....leave a comment today, even if just to say "Hi" and let me know you were here. Thanks so much! :)
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