Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Breaking News

I really didn't know what to call this post, so it's just "Breaking News"...LOL

Anyway, we didn't end up talking to our lawyer yesterday. The DHS caseworker is supposed to be putting together a "Grand Staffing" meeting for the 14th...this is a meeting with EVERYONE involved, except maybe the judge. We're going to see how things go with that first, then if we need to we'll get the lawyer involved.

The therapist...I really don't know about her...Seems like everytime we go up there for a counseling appointment, she only talks to us for a few minutes then leaves the room for most of the hour to let us "play" with 5yr old. I know she's just going on the other side of the one-way mirror and observing. Fine. But is it really necessary every time we go to these appointments?

She doesn't get to see me interact with him much. It's not that I don't, it's just I know she's watching, ya know? MrKB does typical boy stuff with him while we're there. What am I gonna do? Ask him if he wants to play Barbies?? It's a little more difficult for me to find something to do with a little boy. I'm used to girls! But I digress...

The therapist keeps saying "they" are concerned about my "bonding" with 5yr old. Apparently he will talk about MrKB, but doesn't say anything about me. SO???? To them this means we're not bonding, I guess. I think they are making a big deal out of nothing, myself. I'M not worried about "bonding" with him...Once he lives with us permanently, I will be the one he is around most of the time, since MrKB goes off to work everyday. We will bond just fine. What difference does it make if it's now or after he lives with us?!? I don't understand people sometimes. It's not like I don't do anything at all with this child. We decorated Halloween cookies, we've colored in color books together...etc. Personally, I think this therapist has developed too much of a bond herself with 5yr old and his foster mother. She keeps saying how "attached" he is to his current foster mom. Yeah, of course he is, he's been there a little over a year. But I bet she didn't have to "bond" with him before DHS moved him in with HER. Hell no...she did all the bonding AFTER he was there. One thing I should have thought to mention to the therapist...5yr old has NEVER talked about his current foster mom when he is with us. Wonder what she would have thought about that!

Anyway...MrKB also called and talked to the DHS caseworker yesterday. We have been doing Saturday visits for quite awhile now with 5yr old...was supposed to be some 4 hr. visits, then some 8 hr. visits, then some overnights, then moving him in with us. Well, this past Saturday we find out that she had not informed (supposedly) his current foster mom of this. She had gotten all bent out of shape when we didn't have him back 4 hrs later. Apparently they'd had plans to go out to the lake. Well, sorrrrry! Don't make plans on Saturdays, stupid bitch...they know that's OUR time with him. SO....MrKB told the caseworker that she needs to step in and make some sort of official arrangement on the visits so they don't have all the control. She said that she'd really like to see him start spending weekends with us. That'd be great, so hopefully that is what it will be from now on, us getting him all weekend.

She also said that she is trying to find 5yr old a different therapist. She feels like this one is leaning too much toward his foster parents. She is not, I guess NEUTRAL enough for this case anymore. I tend to agree. We'll see what happens with that.

Didn't get a chance to ask her about what her reasoning is for wanting us to take more parenting classes. She didn't bring it up either. Hopefully it won't come up anymore, because we don't need them!!

That's all I got on that front. As for today, I need to clean my house and do some laundry. Bleh...*whine* I don't wanna!! MrKB ain't gonna do it though...so guess I gotta. Sigh....After we'd got home from the counseling, I was in a pissy mood the rest of the day. I think I still am kinda. Maybe tonight I'll have me some tequila after the girls are asleep....maybe before...after all MrKB is perfectly capable of getting them into jammies and to bed!


ty bluesmith said...


wtf is with ppl letting their kids slip away into the system??????

not judging or trying to make you mad in any way.

i just lurve my kids so fucking much. i don't even think i could live without them.

makes me so mad.

[and i think that you are very noble.]

MamaKBear said...

Thanks ty...I'm not mad, I feel the same way, believe me. How did my BIL have so many kids and not be a good enough father to keep them?

As for me, it really works out. I have tried for like 12 years to have kids and it just wasn't happening. So now I'm gonna get the 3 I always wanted, even a baby...nobody's been her Mama but me!

Glad you stopped by! :)

Chick said...

Good luck with it all.

...more power to you.

Don't get jaded...don't let the system win.

Unwind with a drink & know that you're doing the right thing.

MamaKBear said...

Thanks Chick! I need all the luck I can get. This has been going on since May of this year, and has been trying and stressful, but I know it's all gonna be worth it in the end.

Alicia said...

Glad to hear the case worker is starting to get her head out of her ass! It's great that you might have him on weekends now. Have arrangemnts been made for him to be with you for the holidays? I to should be cleaning my house now...but just not in the mood! In a few hours whatever I've done will be undone by my 3 little huricanes anyway...Right? Not the attitude to have I guess with holidays around the corner and family just dropping by! SIGH!

MamaKBear said...

That's another thing we need to bring up...the holidays...I don't know about that. Bet anything if he's not with us by then, that his current foster mom is gonna whine and cry and say "this will be our last holidays with him..blah blah blah".

Baby girl is behind me in her exersaucer whining...I guess she wants attention, or a bottle, or something. So I should get to it, and then maybe actually go clean my house up.

mdrock said...

Stick with it MKB, your patience will be rewarded.

Aisha T. said...

Good luck with the whole process. Sounds like it is emotionally draining!

kaliblue said...

You hang in there hun!!!. Things have to change. And I believe the Judge would want this boy with his REAL family and siblings over a stranger. Keeping ya'll in my thoughts and prayers :)

MamaKBear said...

Aisha: Thanks, girl! And it is...I'll be okay though, as long as Jose Cuervo is there for me! :)

kali: I'm sure trying! Caseworker says that DHS' stand is for him to be with us, so hopefully the judge sees it that way too. Thanks for the support, my friend. :)

Kim said...

Don't get discouraged. At the end of the road y'all will be a family and that will be worth all of the hassle.

Have a tequilla for me. And forget the dirty house, it ain't going anywhere.:-)

MamaKBear said...

Kim: Thanks for the support..I know it'll all be worth it in the end.

Hubby's home now, so I just may have that tequila, and I'll have one for you while I'm at it! :)

MrsCoach2U said...

From the social worker point of view (I don't work with kids but my cousin does) here goes: She's not out to make your life miserable, your not her only case. I know you know that. If she gets emotional in anyway, her higher-ups will pull her out and put her in food stamps. Caseworkers are moved around constantly so if she doesn't seem to know what she's doing, there is probably a good reason for it. Now some advice: tell her exactly what you need from her ( custody time-frame, holiday schedule in advance, etc), don't go away wondering the answers, ask them. I know if I have bad news for a client I won't say anything, they usually have to ask me. I'd bring up the point about the bonding situation, he was put in foster care before bonding, he never talks about her, etc. Stand your ground. However, remember your caseworker has to go home at night and CAN'T talk to anyone about it, you can blog and talk w/ your husband about it. There are so many times I wish I could just vent but when you have to say "Person A may have done this or that" it gets old and nobody wants to hear it. Sorry for the book and I wish you the very best. If I could, I'd tell them to just drop him off and go the hell away but I can't.

MamaKBear said...

Thanks MrsCoach...that is all very good advice. Tell her I understand that point of view too. It's all just so slow-moving and very frustrating!

I will get with her about the holidays for sure, and I will also bring up the bonding thing. I will try anything possible to get him home where he belongs, with his sisters and family. The sooner the better!